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Experts Agree: Gonzales Is... ???

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Gather 'round kiddies, and let Uncle Chris tell you a story. Truth be told, it's kind of a scary story -- but it does have a happy ending.

Once upon a time, there was an Attorney General of the United States.

He worked in a big white building in Washington, D.C.

But all was not well in his big white building, and he was not a happy camper.

This Attorney General was under a lot of political pressure and caused controversy to bloom no matter what he did, or so it seemed.

He was seen as being more of a "counselor" and "friend" to his boss the President, rather than faithfully executing his job of being the nation's highest law enforcement officer.

He publicly averred what can only be described as bizarre interpretations of the Constitution. But each of these interpretations seemed to strip away yet another of the public's basic constitutional rights! The Supreme Court ruled multiple times that his interpretations were just flat-out wrong, but he still maintained his confidence that his own way of thinking was right.

The Attorney General now currently stands accused of having a political litmus test for appointees to high Justice Department offices, although he vigorously denies the charge.

As Dr. Seuss would say at this point: Poor Attorney General -- see how he is hounded by accusations of ethical violations! Oh, no -- a congressional committee is questioning him! They say he doesn't give sound legal advice to the President, and is instead aiding the White House's disdain for the law! The Big Bad Committee says he may be involved in a coverup! They say he failed to prevent key evidence from being destroyed! They say he lied to them! Poor, poor Attorney General!!

The result is a loud chorus of voices which calls for his resignation; but Mister Attorney General still insists he's done nothing wrong.

Then one day, all of Washington's busy worker-bees wake up and go to work. All across the city -- everywhere in the city, and also everywhere in the suburban transit lines into the city -- they are confronted on their merry way to work with a rude poster that mercilessly mocks and ridicules the Attorney General.

This poster reads:

Experts Agree:

Meese Is A Pig.

 

This story is all 100 percent true, but it may be a surprise to find out it's not about Alberto Gonzales. Ed Meese, Ronald Reagan's Attorney General, is the man described above. Here are some bios of him if you'd like the sordid details of his tenure in office (the parallels to Gonzales are striking in many ways). He eventually resigned in disgrace.

The "Experts agree: Meese is a pig" posters all appeared on May 17, 1988. Hundreds of them were printed up and plastered all over the city by some enterprising and very well-organized punk rockers. The prank was hilarious -- easily the best public skewering of any Attorney General, ever. Meese didn't actually resign until a few months later; but everyone knew he was on a downward spiral when it became clear that -- as the experts so obviously agreed -- the man was a pig.

So, today, with both prominent liberals and conservatives now calling for Alberto Gonzales to resign, and with his numbers dropping in the polls, and when the entire Bush administration is being soundly ridiculed in the pages of the Washington Post, the question remains: what do "experts agree" about Gonzales?

While I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to break the law by papering Washington with posters in reference to our current Attorney General (ahem), I do indeed wonder what the best slogan for such a poster would be.

Perhaps you can think of a better slogan, but one in particular keeps running through my mind:

 

Experts Agree:

Gonzales Is Toast.

 

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