As I sit here my mind is a windmill spinning out of control. Trying to grasp all of the to dos and place them in an orderly fashion in my minds filing cabinet. It is time for my nightly mindless activity of folding laundry to calm my being. Living life as a party of five I have succumbed to the fact that there will always and forever be heaping piles of laundry. So, I have turned this negative into a positive and use it as a meditation of sorts. To calmly sit on the floor and clear my head and stop the wave of being overwhelmed rush over me. Tonight I have to dig deep to keep forging ahead despite entrepreneurial hardship. But when, if ever, is it time to throw in the towel?
Having the entrepreneurial spirit is an amazing thing. I would never want to relinquish the tenacity, unwavering belief or the gifts it has given me. It has always pumped through my veins and is something that you just can't quit. It is in the fabric of my being. Since I was employable, I was planning my own endeavors. I have NEVER worked a job that I received by means of a help-wanted sign, by responding to a classified ad or by an online job search. I have always tried to stake claim with jobs I wanted instead of a job that was needed. Making appointments with companies that I wanted to work at and then proposing an offer of employment, defining a job, its duties and showing my value has always led to offers and wonderful careers building lasting relationships. Maybe this has hindered me, or maybe it has taught me how to stretch, struggle and survive. Being an entrepreneur can also be exhausting and lonely. When projects are juggling in the air, the money is leveraged to the max and the nay-sayers start chiming in is when you have to keep truckin' ahead, holding on for dear life. But at what cost do you keep pushing forward?
Sacrifice is a part of life. Some people cannot stomach the struggle sacrifice bestows and that is okay. We are not all built the same way. Personally, sacrificing nightly TV, "me" time, and other luxuries of time is a no-brainer. For me, succumbing to 9 to 5 would be a tap-out. I could go out tomorrow and become an employee at a fabulous firm affording me a healthy lifestyle. Initially, it would be great but it wouldn't be long before the alarms were blazing and I was on the ledge of spiritual suicide. Throwing in the towel and conforming to the daily grind is not an option for me. My smile would lessen and my light would diminish. I would be locked into the person that I had become instead of the person I was and meant to be. But is it all just a waste of time?
Without all of my projects, partnerships and purposeful missions I would still be a stay-at-home mom. I would have time to relax more, I could go to the gym and get my nails done, I may even have time to get a little more organized (highly doubtful), but all of those things are salvageable. I sacrifice for the cost of the highs and lows of being an entrepreneur. Chasing dreams has afforded me the ability to stay home and be an active participant in all of my son's therapies. It has allotted me the time to get my son and daughter on and off the bus. These things you cannot put a price tag on. Being an entrepreneur, I know risk without reward, but every day I am paid dividends by my projects. So where do you go from here?
Some days I feel like I'm floating on water and other days I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I accept and acknowledge the highs and lows and try not to get stuck in the later. Mentally and emotionally I try to block negativity and will endlessly search for creative solutions for obstacles that arise. I am happy to do things that don't feel like work. I am grateful that I don't stop thinking and trying. I would rather stand alone knowing my worth than standing in a lineup waiting for someone to tell me their opinion of my value. Some things grow and some things don't, but I will never stop planting seeds.
P.S. Embrace that child-like spirit when you believed anything was possible. If we teach our children to believe then we should as well. Chase dreams. Believe. Remember.