I've been thinking about Christian parenting lately, and more specifically, how that looks different today than maybe in the past. When I started thinking back to scripture, my mind first wandered to several "what not to do" stories, which abound in the Bible. For example:
I could go on, but you get the idea. There's plenty of fodder for sub-par parenting in the Good Book if we want to find it. But based on the examples of Christian parenting I see in more contemporary culture, the things we'd be best to move beyond are a little subtler (sometimes anyway) than the examples above.
Consider James Dobson's (former head of Focus on the Family) writing on raising children. He advocates corporal punishment, placing the male as the "head of the household," and other advice that makes a guy like me cringe. And interestingly, a lot of the differences I have with traditional (some might say "evangelical") Christian parenting parallel my differences in how to approach Christian community all together.
In that light, here are five habits, often attributed to "Christian parenting" values, that I'd just as soon replace with something new:
Beatings will continue until morale improves. Though physical violence is a shortcut to compliance, it sends the wrong message to our kids. We say as Christians that our core values center on mercy, love, grace and compassion, so where exactly does corporal punishment fit in this? Some will contend that sparing the rod spoils the child, but the Hebrew word (shebet) often translated as "rod" can also be translated as "authority." In this sense, we can interpret that the author of Proverbs (from which this 12th century phrase seems to come from) may have meant that if we don't use our wisdom, authority and influence to guide our children's lives, they will likely be lost.
Because I said so. This style of parenting is a bit like being in the middle of a theological debate and throwing down the "The Bible says it; I believe it; that settles it" trump card. True respect doesn't come from browbeating or intimidating someone into compliance or silence. It comes from living the example you preach, and in doing so, illuminating a path your children -- and perhaps even others -- desire to follow.
Father is King. This certainly isn't limited to Christian households (my dad was an atheist and ascribed to this ethos), but it's certainly prevalent within lots Christian families. From Promise Keepers to the Family Research Council and Focus on the Family, there are many faith-based groups that base their family values on the establishment and maintenance of a clear, hierarchic order. Everyone knows their role, their place, and that the dad is ultimately in charge. Yet in Galatians, Paul says that as Christians such labels and hierarchies should fall away. If, instead, the principles of the Greatest Commandment (Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind; Love your neighbor as yourself) are placed at the head of any family, the rest falls into its proper place.
Sex is dirty; save it for marriage. We Christians have such a screwed up relationship with sex and sexuality, it's a wonder we keep finding a way to reproduce at all! From Eve to Bathsheba and Delilah, we delight in paining the woman as the sexual temptress who leads men astray, as if we have no control over ourselves. And from this, any number efforts to oppress the rights and identities of women emerge. But guess what? We're still clueless when it comes to sex. We tell our kids about how scary, dirty, dangerous and evil even thinking about sex is, but then we tell them it's precious gift to save for the one person you love and plan to live with forever. This is a setup for sexual confusion, guilt and even sexual addiction or abuse later in life.
Think like me when you grow up. Many Christians say that their faith is all about a personal relationship with Christ, trumpet the primacy of free will and love to quote scriptures about "seek and you shall find." But not when it comes to our kids. We feel the need to force-feed our notion of the faith on them far too often, rather than trusting that, given the chance, they will find God on their own terms as they come to understand it. More often than not, it seems at least within my generation, the didactic forcible approach to raising kids in the Christian faith causes them to run the other direction as soon as they're able. How many millions more will it take walking away from Christianity forever before we finally wake up and realize that maybe we're part of the problem?
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I've worked in the church for over 30 years.... most of the parishioners are NOT CHRISTIAN.
Catholic = all people who believe in Jesus
So the ROMAN catholic church is very un-christian. Hide the priest who break the laws (pedofiles). Women as 2nd class citizens. Stance on contracption is stone-aged thinking.
Ephesians 5 also states to husbands and wives in verse 21:
“Submit yourselves one to another”
It goes on to explain how women should submit to their husbands and how husbands should submit to their wives. The true husband is given the role of the king that lays his life down for his subjects.
Christ teaches that men and women are not the same, but that they ARE EQUAL and have complementary roles.
Too many self-proclaimed “Christians” pervert Christ and His Word to their own agenda. I am sorry someone lied to you about Christ’s true nature and His infallible character. Satan is a liar and the father of it.
Equal means EQUAL. It does NOT, and can NOT, mean "separate but equal". United States civil law of the latter half of the 20th century has finally eradicated this scourge that was formerly legally visited upon any citizens who were NOT white males.
How wonderful it would be if every "religion" that operates tax-free in the US, were proscribed from preaching any and all doctrine and/or dogma that would violate US civil rights law. Especially since each and every attack upon women's rights in the GOTP War On Women is fueled by "religious" doctrine and dogma. These theocrats want free rein to supersede settled US civil rights law with their "separate but equal" cult nonsense, to trample citizens' rights while enjoying non-taxable status! Not only that, but when US civil rights laws require them to STOP oppressing and discriminating against the "separate", they have the utter gall to whine that their "religious freedom" and their "free speech rights" to oppress and discriminate are being "violated".
In other words, if they can't persecute the "separate", then it's THEY who start screeching about how THEY are "persecuted". Unbelievable.
Christ’s true authority proposes that marriage is the ultimate UNION OF EQUALITY between man and woman. It has nothing to do with the segregation of “separate but equal” that you’re crying wolf about. Men and women are physically different for many varied and valuable reasons. That’s no cause for you to start screeching about how you are being persecuted by the love of Christ.
http://youtu.be/dbnaSjhn-18
But I agree that we as Americans, in particular, have a strange relationship with sex.
The objective may well be to use the carrot/stick of heaven/hell to teach right from wrong. This can be done without religion IF parents are not lazy and IF parents are not, themselves, too mean, corrupt, etc., to be able to lead/teach by example.
Telling children that there is some invisible, non-human thing stalking every person from birth with a plan to torture forever those people that displease it is mental and emotional child abuse; then telling them that this thing is all-powerful instills a depth of fear in need of relief so strong that telling the child that loving this monsterous thing will prevent that ultimate torture is all part of the indoctrination process. It is not unlike how a military drill sargent must strip away layers of individuality w/abuse and fear before getting obedience from the troops and then working to instill a sense of belonging to a team in order to assurea degree of loyalty that assures that, if need be, the recruit will obey an order that he/she is reasonably certain will get him/her killed.
I never taught my children that. I did teach them that in is wonderful and should be protected in marriage. The Bible teaches that. If the Bible were followed what would happen?
1) The spread of AIDS would end.
2) There would be no STD's.
3) There would be no single parent families.
Is that so bad?
How would it have kept my wife from dying of cancer?
The NY Times published an article this year stating 73% of black children are born outside marriage, 53% of Latinos and 29% of whites. 53% of out of wedlock children are born to mothers under 30 yrs. old. The problem; researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.
Back in 1965 when a top Labor Dept Official in NYC reported "a quarter of black children were born outside marriage" and he warned of a “tangle of pathology”, he set off an intense debate.
"Every year about one million more children are born into fatherless families."
Studies done over the past 25+ years, consistently show that children living in single-parent homes increases odds of living in poverty. Study implications show that increases in out-of-wedlock births are staggering.
If you read the text and put it into context, The purpose for Abraham taking Issac up the mountain to sacrifice was to show Issac his devotion to God. He trusted God and obeyed him, and didn't sacrifice him because God is good and prevented it and provided another sacrifice.