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Christina Patterson

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If Bigger Breasts Are the Answer, What's the Question?

Posted: 09/18/10 09:00 AM ET

I'm a big fan of plastic surgery. Without it, I think I might feel like a freak. While Voltaire made excellent mileage out of a woman with one buttock, I don't think it would be much fun to be her, or, as I would be without plastic surgery, a woman with just one breast. You could, I suppose, stuff your bra with something round and squashy, but I prefer not to. I prefer to put on a bikini and look relatively normal. I think most of us prefer to look relatively normal.

Operations are, however, horrible. They're painful and unpleasant. The body isn't designed to be whacked with great doses of anaesthetic, and then sliced and diced and stitched. It does its best to deal with it, but it takes its toll. I've had four operations in the past seven years, and I'm extremely grateful for anaesthetics that work and surgeons who know what they're doing. I wouldn't be alive without them. I'm extremely grateful, too, for the plastic surgeon who chopped off half my stomach (though all my friends were offering theirs) and put it in the space just vacated by a breast. But I can't begin to understand how anyone with healthy breasts, or buttocks, or thighs, can take them anywhere near a surgeon's knife for reasons other than medical necessity.

More and more people are. More and more people are, presumably, standing on the escalators on the Tube, thinking "I must get my roots done" or "nice dress, wonder where she got it" and then, seeing one of those posters of a young woman with a pleasant cleavage, and the slogan "Get Ready for Summer" next to the words "Harley Medical Group", thinking "I knew there was something I'd forgotten!" and tapping a number into an iPhone. Or maybe they're nipping out for lunch and grabbing a sandwich and a double macchiato and the cashier's saying, "Would you like some implants with that?", and they're saying, "Oh, go on, then," and next thing you know they're lying on a trolley in a green robe staring at a very big needle.

Maybe some of them do find that larger breasts, or thinner thighs, or a flatter stomach, bring them fame, fortune and tearful interviews with Piers Morgan, or whatever it is they're looking for. But the quest, it seems, is undertaken at some risk. According to a new report by the National Confidential Enquiry into Patient Outcome and Death, a great deal of cosmetic surgery in this country is being carried out by surgeons with little experience or training, in ill-equipped operating theatres, in hospitals that have no consultant or anaesthetist on duty for emergencies, and which offer no psychological assessment or "cooling off" period. Four out of five cosmetic surgery firms were found to be "inadequate", which suggests that patients have a greater chance of ending up on Great Plastic Surgery Disasters, or whatever the latest TV freak show is called, than bagging a pop star or a footballer.

It's dreadful, of course, that there's a whole area of medicine (or pseudo-medicine, or anti-medicine) that isn't properly regulated, and which allows vain, insecure and possibly just not very bright people to subject their bodies to the equivalent of cowboy builders without apparently understanding that a body isn't quite as replaceable as a kitchen. But what's much more alarming is the mass growth of an industry that's not only dangerous but largely unnecessary. It's one thing to want to look relatively normal. If you look like the elephant man, or have breasts the size of boulders, then the quality of your life probably will be enhanced by some deft nips and tucks. But if you're flat as a pancake, get a Wonderbra. If you're paunchy, eat fewer pies. Take it from me, it's a lot less hassle.

When I was 13, I was obsessed with how I looked. I'd dream about clothes, weigh myself daily and spend hours in the bathroom. Like most teenagers, I grew out of it. It's a very big world, and one's own appearance is a very boring part of it. Increasingly, however, I feel as though I live in a country stuck in eternal adolescence. It's a country where women are, more than ever -- more, even, than in Jane Austen's marriage markets -- judged by their looks, and where women over 40 apparently crack a TV screen. It's a country where heels and hemlines are soaring in line with women's desperation, and one where the top career choice for many girls is to be an appendage with an acronym.

In the past five years, demand for cosmetic surgery has more than doubled. According to other studies, not mentioned this week, women who have undergone breast augmentation surgery are more likely to commit suicide than those who haven't. We are not talking happily ever after. And we won't be, while women, and presumably some men, think that the complexities of the universe amount to a question whose answer is bigger breasts.

This week, Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of raw meat. I don't know her music. I don't know anything about her, really, except that her appearance looks, in this case literally, like bloody hard work. But I do know a post-modern joke when I see one, and I know when it both is and isn't funny.

 

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itolduso
lateral thinker
01:55 PM on 09/21/2010
We hear of studies that find that 'attractive' students are given higher grades, 'attractive' employees are given higher salaries, and 'attractive' women land wealthier husbands (who funds those studies?!) and daily we are bombarded with images of corporate America's 'ideal' of attractiveness... all with one common trait....that is- what makes them attractive cannot be achieved by the average person naturally, it must be 'purchased' as a product or service from corporate America. Since the advent of movies & television we've bought into it big time, from millions of little girls with Shirley Temple curls & dance lessons.... to the 'bee-stung' lips & big-breasted anorexic bodies so common today. We are victims of out-of-control marketing and a complete lapse of common-sense.
10:04 AM on 09/21/2010
The question is...how do you attract a man's eye.....which is not a question on men's minds.
06:47 PM on 09/20/2010
i'm still revelling in a mood from the religion section

so the question must be God's purpose

and doing interdisciplinary with the Green section is it sustainable

when the Archangel ,doing real interfaith and interdisciplinary , Gabriel brought the answer to Virgin Mary Mary said what is the question
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Majestry
Every man is the artisan of his own fortune
06:02 PM on 09/20/2010
I want smaller breasts... but I'm a man so that's understandable =(
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maori
01:40 PM on 09/20/2010
I think the question is Whose life is it anyway?

I thought happy, secure people didn't have time to waste dumping on people who made different choices, because they're so busy being happy and secure.

One thing I can say, is that most people I've met who have had things done are satisfied, and don't run around trying to tear people who haven't had surgery apart to make themselves feel better.

I guess it just goes to show, there's more to happiness and security than getting, or not getting plastic surgery.

And a link to your studies (plural) would be helpful, if science is going to be used to validate simple cattiness.
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01:00 PM on 09/20/2010
Sad, but true. This is how so many people feel these days. I was dumped for a teenager with double Ds. Stupid but true. Made me consider implants for about a half a second, not proud of that fact, but it did cross my mind. It's a shame, really that most people in this world are so superficial. It’s a shame, but a reality nonetheless.
04:37 PM on 09/19/2010
Being an entertainer is hard work, competitive, and you always need a better than real wow factor going on. It seems the better you look the more opportunities are presented to you. Say what you want about vanity and shallowness but it is true. If surgery makes you feel better, go for it. None of this matters. Life is short, make the best of it. Find pleasure where you can. You are right about Lady Gaga's looks being hard work. Nobody would notice her if she was just another pop singer. She has great legs; you know those are real.
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maori
01:47 PM on 09/20/2010
Thanks, you said what I wanted to a lot better.

It really is no one's business, and it doesn't matter. If it did then no one should ever diet, dye their hair, wear make up, work out, etc. It's kind of ironic to rail against people who are 'vain, shallow, insecure' etc,. when your very obsession with their bodies points to your own vanity, shallowness, and insecurity.
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frank day
Obama cares about all of U.S.
02:15 AM on 09/19/2010
Unfortunately, there are many men who push wives/girlfriends into having enhancements of all kinds.
They view their partner as a 'trophy' or object.
It's one thing to tell a young woman that she shouldn't care what a man thinks. But, financially and emotionally, its not that easy.
Our society values youth over maturity. Advertisers count on it.
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Marcus01
It all just seems like it's real
09:04 PM on 09/18/2010
As a man, I find surgical "augmentation" to not only be a turn-off, but also a turn-away. Would I want to be with a woman who thinks so little of herself that she elects to have that kind of superficial surgery? No, thank you.
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Lorraine Roe
Author, Ducati rider, intuitive, wife, mom
07:52 PM on 09/18/2010
This blog arrives right on schedule. I live in L.A. and it seems to be rampant. I'm the same age as some women who appear a lot on Huff Post who've had a lot done. I met some of them in person years ago. They were beautiful then, but now in their mid-forties they look fake. It's hard to get older, but surgically preserving yourself isn't a good answer. Plus, how pretty are they on the inside? Just askin'.
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Lisa Shields
Poet & Advocate For Special Needs Children
05:45 PM on 09/18/2010
Check the numbers on the amount of young women requesting boob or nose jobs for their Sweet 16...if you really want to be rattled. And of course, teens asking for botox so they can "compete".

Call me weird, but I refuse to even dye my hair, now that it is going gray. I've seen friends use those products till they were nearly bald...or had actual sores on their scalps. Thanks, but I want a little grace in my middle age. I earned the lines, the bags and sags.
03:16 PM on 09/18/2010
Ironically, after reading this article, I saw this Google ad at the bottom of the page:

Ads by Google
Plastic Surgery Solutions
Top UK Cosmetic Surgeons. Request A Free Brochure Online Now! www.TheHospitalGroup.org
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JonB2057
Think, it ain't illegal yet!
01:42 PM on 09/19/2010
That goes for almost all of the articles that I've read here on HuffPo. Just look at the ads after the articles.
12:32 PM on 09/18/2010
Iraq was pastic surgery

on the Lighter Side : when Jon Stewart was the host of the osacars ....Oscars [ de la renta ?] i had him say : brief reminder from Dr Phil Harmonic : breast are nutrtaitive oops nutritive organs for feeding babies are we clear on that there not sex organs ,,,was gonna say nutritional but that might be misunderstoo d
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Erik Van Erne
Towards a sustainable world
10:45 AM on 09/18/2010
We have too much plastic in the world and plastic surgery doesn't make it better.
10:02 AM on 09/18/2010
i am a man of some years.i was at a dance and a woman i was talking to was in a pending divorce.i told her she was pretty and nice an in proportionate,her girl freind went slightly ballistic because she was imprressed with the proportionate statement.she was thin and tallish and proportionate but obviously was passed by because of her breast size.how would men liked to be judged by penis size instead of who we are???? it took 3 years to convince a woman that the loss of one breast,i thought,
was of no importance(cerebrally---since i never encountered that before);we went out and we got married!!!! she lost a couple of years because of fear(that it would effect me).she died of cancer.
we could of had 3 more good years.
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moonflowerjewelry
Buy American made, no excuses.
10:40 AM on 09/18/2010
My heart is with you.
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Lorraine Roe
Author, Ducati rider, intuitive, wife, mom
07:49 PM on 09/18/2010
That is an amazingly poignant story. Thank you for sharing it here.