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Christina Pesoli

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My Decision to Send My Kids to Private School Has Never Been Easier to Defend

Posted: 07/09/2012 4:30 pm

As a pro-choice, pro-marriage-and gender-equality Catholic mom and a Texan for Obama, it goes without saying that I am generally comfortable with contradictions. For example, I'm a vegetarian, but I follow a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to miso soup. And I'm a friend of women's rights and a foe of mainstream movies, but I never get tired of watching Legally Blonde. Snaps for Reese Witherspoon! She's, like, SO adorable!

While I have seemingly inconsistent positions in almost every area of my life, there's one area where I'm called on to defend myself more than any other: my parenting. I've learned over the years to have explanations ready or be prepared to endure an interrogation with a lecture chaser so intense that Socrates himself would be proud.

But one inconsistency that I have long been called to defend just got a whole lot easier. I am a Democrat who sends my kids to private schools. From the time my now fully-grown son was little my politically like-minded friends would bust my chops for this decision. They viewed this decision as a refusal on my part to support public education.

"How can you just bail on public schools?" the question always goes.

"I'm not bailing on public schools," I respond calmly without getting the least bit defensive. (And my hair always looks perfect, too, in my recollection of all these conversations.)

"It's not like I support vouchers or anything, God forbid," I say, wanting to make it perfectly clear from the get-go that I am not some sort of selfish monster. "I pay my property taxes like everybody else. When you get right down to it, I actually support public schools more than you do. I pay taxes AND I send my kid to private school. So, it's like I'm funding a scholarship at my local public school because I'm not even using what I pay for."

As definitive as I think that explanation is, it never ends the debate. Invariably, these friends want me to explain why I don't send my kid to public school. As you might imagine, I have a great answer ready for that question, too.

"I have different beliefs when it comes to educational philosophy. And I'm lucky to live in a city where there are lots of great choices when it comes to schools," I explain diplomatically, as a breeze gently ripples through my hair.

But even this is not enough to get some of my most persistent friends to drop the matter.

"But if you sent your kid to your neighborhood public school you could help make that school better by volunteering and sharing your ideas with them."

God, I love my Democrat friends. They're both stubborn and outspoken. Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to the mirror.

When it comes to those friends who are argumentative enough to keep the debate going this long, no amount of explaining seems to satisfy them. They don't care that I send my kids to Montessori school up to and even through middle school, and that the Montessori philosophy couldn't be more different than the traditional philosophy of education.

Because they themselves are pushy, they don't recognize that it would be both presumptive and futile for me to attempt to impose my own views on education -- views that are clearly in the minority -- on everyone else. No. In their eyes I am selfishly refusing to do my part as a rabble-rousing Democrat who never met a fight too hopeless to take on.

I had expected to have this debate over and over again for the next seven years -- all the way up until my daughter graduates from high school. And frankly, that thought exhausted me.
But last month my sentence was commuted. Who was the crusader who came to my rescue? It was none other than the Texas Republican Party delegates.

Last month, these delegates met in Ft. Worth to hammer out the 2012 Texas Republican Party Platform. In a state where both the House and Senate are controlled by Republicans, the ideals set forth in this platform are not just the crazy rantings of a fringe party; they are the crazy rantings of the party in power.

But there is a silver lining to the dark cloud of being a Democrat in a state controlled by Republicans. By enumerating so many offensive ideas in the "Educating our Children" section of its platform, the Republican delegates have provided me with a blueprint to defend my decision to send my kids to private school. Now explaining my decision is as easy as A, B, C!

For starters, the platform states that they believe "a multicultural curriculum is divisive" and instead believe in strengthening "our common American identity and loyalty."

Additionally, the platform calls for teachers to have "more authority to deal with disciplinary problems" and states that "corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas."

But here's where the reasoning gets a little sophisticated, so pay close attention: They oppose so-called "controversial theories" such as "life origins" and "environmental change," and believe these should be taught as "challengeable scientific theories." But they favor controversial unscientific theories in that they oppose any sex education other than the "abstinence until marriage" approach, which has been proven to be ineffective.

But the most jaw-dropping of all is the opposition to teaching "HOTS." Contrary to what you might think, HOTS isn't some tawdry acronym for facts- and science-based sex education. HOTS is a tawdry acronym for "Higher Order Thinking Skills" also known as critical thinking. According to their platform, Texas Republicans believe that these skills "have the purpose of challenging the student's fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority."

After being lambasted for this plank of the platform, Republican Party of Texas Communications Director Chris Elam said that the words "critical thinking skills" were included by mistake. The party stands by the rest of the plank, however, including the Higher Order Thinking Skills reference that is used as tomato/tomahto synonym for critical thinking skills. But whether it was a mistake or a flip flop, because the term was included in the platform that was approved at the party convention, the party is stuck with it until the next state convention in 2014.

Further complicating the matter is the fact that elsewhere in the platform it states that "every Republican is responsible for implementing this platform." Unfortunately for Texas public school children, there is no "common sense" exception excusing Republicans from implementing planks that they later realize are bone-headed -- probably because that would require some Higher Order Thinking Skills.

It's a good thing I don't believe in corporal punishment because if I did, a mistake of this magnitude -- one that stands to impair the education of students across the State of Texas -- would be exactly the type of thing that would make me want to send someone straight to the principal's office for a serious thrashing.

Meanwhile in world of higher education, a recent study tracked thousands of students through college and found that a significant percentage of them graduated without the necessary critical thinking skills to discern fact from opinion or to resist emotional appeals and political spin. Most people viewed this as evidence that our educational system is failing our students and as such cause for alarm. But to the Texas Republican delegates, it seems to represents the ideal.

The Texas Republican Party Platform issue with teaching critical thinking skills ostensible emanates from a desire not to undermine my kid's fixed beliefs and my authority as a parent. But I'm a parent who opposes spanking and values multiculturalism, hard science, and critical thinking skills. So doesn't an educational experience that ignores or neglects these things challenge my kid's fixed beliefs and undermine my parental authority?

It seems like Texas Republican delegates only have a problem with challenging Republican-sanctioned fixed beliefs, and it's only the Republican parents' authority that they're worried about undermining. I may not have been educated in Texas Republican-led public schools, but I can spot a contradiction when I see one. Come to think of it, since spotting contradictions requires critical thinking skills, that might be exactly why I can spot a contradiction when I see it.

I've been a parent with kids in school for over twenty-five years now. My kids have attended both religious and non-religious private schools. And over the years I've had disagreements and debates with my kids' schools over a whole host of issues including homework, testing, religion, politics, patriotism, nutrition, arts, physical education and many, many more.

But never have I had to debate whether critical thinking skills and hard science should be part of a school's curriculum. And when it comes to developing critical thinking skills, the question has always been whether the students are getting enough not whether they are getting too much. Now Texas Republicans want to set the bar even lower: any critical thinking at all is against the rules.

Although my grown son and I see eye-to-eye on many issues, there are plenty of issues on which we disagree. He's more conservative than I on some things, yet more liberal on others. I take great pride in both our opinions that sync up as well as the ones that diverge. If he were only able to parrot my positions, I would be just as disappointed as if he couldn't form any opinion at all. The fact that he has his own views indicates to me that his upbringing and education combined to equip him with the ability to weigh things out and think for himself. In other words, everybody did their job -- his parents, his teachers and him.

Unlike the 2012 Texas Republican Party Platform on the right and my die-hard fellow Democrats on the left, my duty as a parent transcends party politics. As a result, I could never sacrifice my kid's education for a cause. And after surveying the options, I have concluded that now more than ever before, private school is the best fit for my kids. Other parents may come to other conclusions and I respect that. But I expect similar deference in return. After all, anything less would be contradictory.

 
FOLLOW EDUCATION
As a pro-choice, pro-marriage-and gender-equality Catholic mom and a Texan for Obama, it goes without saying that I am generally comfortable with contradictions. For example, I'm a vegetarian, but I ...
As a pro-choice, pro-marriage-and gender-equality Catholic mom and a Texan for Obama, it goes without saying that I am generally comfortable with contradictions. For example, I'm a vegetarian, but I ...
 
 
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03:05 PM on 07/17/2012
She has the money to exercise her right of choice for her kids and she has every right to do so. My only problem is that she doesn't believe in the poor having that same right. Considering how many rich liberals send kids to private school (including the chancellor of our own PUBLIC school district), it is not particularly surprising.
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MarcEdward
likes all cats more than most people
12:08 PM on 07/10/2012
I'd homeschool if I had the misfortune to live in Texas.
That said, few people have the money to throw away on private education, so we moved to the town with the best education system in the state. 
No reason to get defensive!
10:50 AM on 07/10/2012
This is exactly what certain interest groups want. Defund schools, then complain that the schools are inadequate. Now it's defaming schools by promoting these crazy mandates, then complaining that schools are out of touch. Her article proves it. A democrat turns from public education fully because of republican mandates that shape schools. There's a division between the people who pass the laws and the government employees that are then forced to adhere to them.
07:47 AM on 07/10/2012
"I pay my property taxes like everybody else. When you get right down to it, I actually support public schools more than you do. I pay taxes AND I send my kid to private school. So, it's like I'm funding a scholarship at my local public school because I'm not even using what I pay for."

While I agree with a lot of what you said, particularly with regard to the horrible things Republicans are doing to schools in Texas (and elsewhere), this quote always makes me bristle. Yeah, the way you put it is less offensive than usual, since you're not balking at paying taxes toward public schools while your kids go to privates, but the underlying thought process is still there, and still wrong.

continued...
07:47 AM on 07/10/2012
continued...

First, you're not funding a kid's attendance at public schools. The portion of your taxes that go to schools are not nearly enough for that (particularly since you live in Texas). If the average parent of school-aged children was paying enough in taxes to fund his or her kids' education, NOBODY ELSE would have to pay school taxes. We all split those costs evenly, even those of us who have no children, or none of school age (as well we should), but the outshoot of that is that none of us are paying very much.

Second, public schools aren't a pay-if-you-need-it sort of proposition, because we ALL need them. Many people (you included, though you're better than most others on most other points) have fallen into a delusion that only the parents of students attending public school benefit from the existence of public schools. That's not remotely true. The availability of public education is a necessity for our democracy, our society, and our economy. You may not want to send your kids to public schools, but you sure wouldn't want to live in a country that didn't have them, and neither would anyone else, even those people crying loudly and ignorantly that public schools shouldn't exist. So it's great that you don't mind supporting public schools, but to be honest, you're reaping the benefits even if you don't send your kids there.
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hbrinn
08:44 AM on 07/10/2012
The author absolutely made it clear that she supported the existence of public schools. She does not support the public schools as they are now. Right now the best decision for her family is montessori education.
07:56 AM on 07/11/2012
That's arguable.  Public schools as they are now are generally very good, despite a lot of time and effort spent to make people think otherwise.  This mother may be making the wrong choice, though it's a choice she's free to make.  I was just pointing out several of her misconceptions.
12:10 AM on 07/11/2012
The original purpose of public schools was to create good citizens. You are correct in saying we all reap the benefits of public education. Now would the other 85% of the population please get out there and vote in your local elections??!!!
03:02 AM on 07/10/2012
It is painful to constantly learn more about all the negatives in public education, especially since I still have a child in a public high school in a state (CA) that passes new budget cuts every year. These lead of course to bigger class seizes, shabby classrooms, lack of support staff and stressed out teachers and administrators.
I have done all I could to try to "change the system from within" through being in the PTA and on school site councils, fighting school closures, raising funds to supplement support staff, and volunteering around campus. It kept me busy, but was ultimately frustrating. Most frustrating was to deal with people who work in the system, but send their own kids to private schools. A system that provides them with a job, and that they don't believe in enough to send their own kids to.
I do however except the writers argument with a somewhat unhealthy dose of jealousy. I guess in the final analysis I should have used the time and energy to further my career, so I could earn enough to send my kid to private school.
07:51 AM on 07/10/2012
Public school teachers who send their kids to private school are, in my experience, pretty rare. Few of them are paid enough to afford it. But if they do, that doesn't necessarily mean they lack belief in the system. It could be that they realize how much extra stress the (generally sound) system is under in some areas because of bad (largely, but not totally, Republican) government policy.

Or it could be that they're completely confident in the system, but not in the parenting skills of the other adults sending their children there. Some of the teachers who taught me are still working at the high school I attended. I'd love for my kids to have those teachers. I'd never send my kids to school with the students that go there now.
10:15 AM on 07/10/2012
As an educational researcher, here are some positives. Adjusting for our much higher rate of child poverty, kids from American schools would have been #1 in the world on the 2009 PISA reading test. Adjusting for poverty, our kids would routinely be in the top 5 internationally on those tests. America is routinely rated one of the worst places to grow up as a kid, mostly because of the many problems associated with our much higher child poverty rate (Why are we at 22% when other developed countries are at 4% and 8% and 11%?).

Making apples to apples comparisons (adjusting for SES), kids from American private schools do no better on tests than do kids from public schools. Worldwide, schools that have to compete for students (as privates do) do no better on tests than do schools that don't (public schools).

Also, if our public schools were underperforming so badly, why does the average charter school do no better in terms of academic outcomes? I believe that our public schools have been sent on a crazy mission (chasing higher test scores and more standardized curriculum), but given our staggering child poverty rate, American public schools perform as well as private schools do if we're judging by test scores.

Public schools do need a fundamental paradigm change, but so do private schools. Most private schools pursue a curriculum just as narrow and outdated as that found in public schools.
09:06 PM on 07/12/2012
America is routinely rated one of the worst places to grow up as a kid, mostly because of the many problems associated with our much higher child poverty rate (Why are we at 22% when other developed countries are at 4% and 8% and 11%?).
At least part of the reason is, historically, the United States has a much higher rate of immigration that any of the other industrial democracies. We are also the only country in the world that awards citizenship to anyone who is born here with no questions asked & no exceptions. You might be right about the "average" private school not doing much better than the public schools but I cannot see how a public school, even in a rich school district, could compete with a top notch private school.
12:01 AM on 07/10/2012
A well written position that supports either side. However, you mention up front the following "As a pro-choice, pro-marriage-and gender-equality Catholic mom".

You can't be both pro-choice and a Catholic. That's is just an Americanized version of Catholic doctrine and a myth.
02:03 AM on 07/10/2012
Cut her some slack -- she has to write the articles to pay for the private tuition!
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Paganus
Classics Ninja
05:25 AM on 07/10/2012
http://www.catholicsforchoice.org/
09:01 AM on 07/10/2012
I'm well aware of this organization. Without sounding like I'm making a moral judgement here -- I'm simply saying that faiths have doctrines. You can't claim the mantel of a certain Religion then proceed to ignore it's doctrine and still act like you a part of that organization. Join a different religion that supports your view.
11:23 PM on 07/09/2012
Now you know why our elected officials do not use the public schools either.
10:43 PM on 07/09/2012
Similar to Ms. Pesoli's predicament, many people who believe America needs terrific public education decide to homeschool their children nonetheless, because they disagree with the narrow, test-driven nature of schools today.

The most difficult issue is the loss of shared understanding about what schools should teach and how they should be organized. Given KS7's "cesspools of indoctrination" comment below, I wonder if she might not vehemently disagree with what Ms. Pesoli would like for her children to learn. I think schools emphasize conformity too much, and creativity too little. I want schools to teach about evolution and global warming and thinking for yourself, but many parents don't. Just as our tastes in eating have diverged, so have our tastes in education.

However, if schooling becomes radical choice "everybody pay for whatever you can afford," working class and poor people will frequently not have great educational choices just as they can't "choose" to live in expensive houses or "choose" to dine at fancy restaurants. Schools organized to make a profit are not focused first and foremost on the child's best interests, and even in more expensive private schools, parents don't get to make lots of choices about teachers and curriculum. We are at risk of destroying our present system and leaving even fewer parents with choices they like.
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blamethebush
yes, a green bush, everything else has been blamed
08:30 PM on 07/09/2012
My dear, perhaps you should move. Why are you there in the first place? Is it job security, money? Perhaps a spouse who has found a good job in a state that is/was growing. As an Independent woman who has ushered children through public schools, I know for sure the system is flawed. Teachers who should be fired - are not, because of tenure. Parents who "buck" the system are looked at as enemies. This is the educational system that goes on and on and on. I taught Head Start years ago. It accomplished nothing. More and more money thrown at education and nothing improves. SO - send your kids to private school. No need to explain. But please don't blame the terrible public education system on a particular party. I'm sure you know all the "particulars" and all the problems with the party in charge, but then again, you live in a state that elected them for a reason. So - I'm happy you can afford to send your kids to private school, but if you condemn the elected politicians of your state, you condemn your neighbors. Move or get a grip.
07:54 AM on 07/10/2012
Tenured teachers can be fired. If they're not, and if they really do deserve it, it's because of incompetent supervision, not tenure.

But incompetent supervisors can, and do, blame tenure. They know that misconceptions about it are so widespread that they'll be believed.

And neighbors who support what the Republicans are doing in Texas (and elsewhere) deserve condemnation.
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hbrinn
08:49 AM on 07/10/2012
That is simply not true. The "due process" can cost an upwards of $250,000. As a result, underfunded schools are forced to keep unqualified teachers on their faculty and the children suffer. Tenure is a terribly flawed process that is in desperate need of reform.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2008-06-30-teacher-tenure-costs_N.htm
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blamethebush
yes, a green bush, everything else has been blamed
09:12 AM on 07/10/2012
My larger point was that you can not blame a particular political party for the educational system of a state. Massachusetts is ranked highest in the Northeast - Democrat governor. Florida is ranked highest in the South - Republican. Minnesota is highest in the Midwest - Democrat. Ohio is up there as well - Republican. I think Perry is up for re-election in 2016? If the citizens of the state of Texas are not happy with their governance they will vote him out. The choice is, if you wish to live in a state where the public schools are the best, then you must move there. I know a number of New York City folks who moved to Texas because it was growing and the taxes were lower. Pick your poison.
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KS7
Let us be poised and wise
08:08 PM on 07/09/2012
Every parent should have your choice and not just in the abstract but be able to choose their children's schools and teachers. The schools as they are now are cesspools of indoctrination and the toxic culture of violence and vulgarity. It is not an 'at will' system but more like forced marriage. The school and teacher are chosen by bureaucrats who do not have the best interest of the child at heart - who do not LOVE your child and can never take into consideration all the issues important to the parent and child.
07:54 AM on 07/10/2012
Spoken like someone with absolutely no idea what he's talking about.
12:13 AM on 07/11/2012
When 3rd and 4th graders are being asked to question their gender idrntity, it is moe like forced same-sex marriage!