10 Tips For Twenty Something Transformation

The past two weeks, I have blogged about the rite of passage for today's twenty something woman (part one and part two). Below are ten brief tips to keep in mind during this time of transformation or really any stage of life as we are all consistently presented with unique challenges and changes:

1. Be present. This is a tough one because we spend so much time in our twenties obsessing about what we will be and who we will be with. Take the time to just be. Living mentally in the future constantly only creates anxiety. Yes, set goals and consider your future while committing to action steps that are attainable and realistic. And then just accept where you are. Trying to figure it all out is fruitless and robs you of the present moment.

2. Stop comparing. Don't look at everyone else around you to determine your worth. There will always be someone more successful, richer, prettier, wittier, thinner, and so on. Who cares what your friends are doing? Focus on what you want and be grateful for what you already have. Find individuals who inspire you rather than people you attempt to measure up to. We are all on different paths, carve your own.

3. Stop caring about what other people think. Other people's opinion of you or your choices is just that - an opinion, not the truth. It's your life so get in the habit now of living it on your terms. Don't let your fear of someone else's reaction stand in the way of your dreams. Be kind, but be you. And most importantly, don't personalize things. Often people give us feedback that is a bit rough around the edges. You can still hear the feedback if it is relevant, truthful or helpful without getting hurt.

4. Tune in. We all have intuition; we just do not always know how to access it or want to listen to it. Pay attention to your gut feelings. The more you listen to your intuition, the louder and more accessible it will become. And you can't hear your inner voice when you are only listening to the voices of others.

5. Don't wait for permission, approval or validation. Many of today's twenty-somethings grew up with over-involved parents who guided their path and patted them on the back along the way. Now it's time to be your own head cheerleader.

6. Make choices. Today's twenty-something has an upscale problem: an abundance of choices which often leads to making no choice at all. If decision making is a weak skill, find ways to build your decision making muscle. Resist the urge to call your friends and parents when faced with a decision. Make little choices each day on your own, without consulting anyone else (unless of course your choice directly affects another or others).

7. Make mistakes. Perceived failure is often how we learn the most. I have learned more from my mistakes/failures than any of my accomplishments. Mistakes are often the catalyst to accomplishments. Playing it safe only keeps you comfortable and it is only when we are forced to push beyond our safety zone that we discover our potential.

8. Do things alone. Young people often like to travel in packs or yearn for a permanent "plus one." Learn to be your own companion first. Be single for an extended period of time. Go to a movie alone. Go to dinner alone. Or best yet, travel alone. Be open to discovery.

9. Build your tribe. All of us need a tribe that extends beyond our family and consists of both peers and elders. Cultivate your personal and professional relationships by networking, seeking out mentors, and calling upon the wisdom of older generations. Ask questions to the people who have "been there, done that" and listen carefully to their answers. And ask for help or support when you need it. Yes, independence is important but needs to be balanced by interdependence and connection. And by connection I mean live, face-to-face interaction. Facebook will not nourish your soul.

10. Be of service. Don't just be part of a tribe, contribute. Many people comment that self-reflection and introspection is or feels selfish. Well it is if that is all you do. As you are in this phase of life when you are learning more about who you are and what you want, make the time to give to others. Not only will it get you out of your own head, but when we step into the attitude of service, we uncover amazing and untapped qualities. It is in the act of giving that we receive the most.

And if I were to give one overarching tip it would be to enjoy the learning process that is part of any transformation. And life is a series of transformation. Change is inevitable. Careers, relationships, money, houses, good times and bad times will come and go. But we have the choice in how we respond to all of those things. As Victor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." And when you are free, you can fly.

Comments

[DrJenniferHoward]

These 10 tips (1) Be present, (2) Stop comparing, (3) Stop caring about what other people think (4) Tune in (5) Don't wait for permission, approval or validation, (6) Make choices, (7) Make mistakes, (8) Do things alone, (9) Build your tribe, (10) Be of service are great at any age to remind us that we are more in charge of our lives then we think. It’s a good idea to revisit these 10 tips ever so often and find new answers and ways to create our lives to its fullest.

Dr. Jennifer Howard
http://www.DrJenniferHoward.com

[Jeff Goldstein - Huffpost Blogger]

In a new world where service is now soooo important, one thing that Twenty Somethings might want to consider is ... teaching! Here's something I wrote about the art of teaching, which embraces the wonderful sense of giving and accomplishment for this profession. Take a look. Then hug a teacher!
bit.ly/Zn0x9

[zeeshan809]

I guess people of all ages should have these qualities.


My blog:
http://next-world-war.blogspot.com

[babeltek]

Hmmm. I am not sure exactly what type of person this is aimed at, and what type of 20-somethings you know, but I am an early 20-something, and this would be my advice for people I know who I think may be in need of a "transformation":

1) Stop doing drugs and getting drunk when you are bored or want to feel "interesting".

2) Stop having sex with strangers.

3) Dream bigger than getting by just enough so you can party. This lifestyle will begin to suck when you suddenly want a family, and you have no emotional or physical means to support that.

Well, I could go on, but seriously. This is pandering to a specific self-important crowd. It's well-intentioned, not necessarily bad advice, but the people who take it are already "okay". There are so many of my peers who are settling for the life of waste and debauchery and I do not want these people parenting the next generation­... these are the people who truly need transforming.

[illampu]

Oh great -- looks twenty-somethings are just as narcissistic as baby-boomers.

[jsijason]

Good advice for anyone.

[baglady83]

This article is very relevant and provides excellent advice for people in there 20's...the target audience. Great work Christine.

[bergerkos]

Excellent points!!!
But don't mistake intuition for what it is NOT.

It has been noticed, that INTUITION is strong in those , who do much thinking. And those with low thinking abilities have next to NO intuition at all.
So, don't rely on intuition as a "gift of mercy", to compensate for your unwilling to learn. Instead, always learn more about yourself, your life and the meaning thereof, about your problems and the people around you.
Our intuition is actually based on our past experiences; when our mind has the right answer even before any thinking is done... because you HAVE DONE similar thinking before and your mind knows that. So it offers you the ready answer. And why is intuition believed to be strongly developed in women? Because they actually do MORE thinking, than men do. Yes, they do!

Yet, trying to replace your thinking with intuition can play jokes with you. You can dislike a man based on your "gut feeling", because of some gesture this man has in common with some known "wrong" person from your past. Your "gut feeling" will be reminiscent of all the wrongs that man did to you, but will have NOTHING to do with the present man.

So, nothing is easy , and no intuition can make it easier. You have to WORK to make things available.

[CulturalMuse]

I agree with Steve, good stuff for any age. Regarding your closing:

"As Victor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." And when you are free, you can fly."

I would reframe Mr. Frankl a bit, and say:

Between stimulus and response lies the unconscious. In the transformation from unconscious to conscious lies peace and wisdom.

But I guess that may be a 50 something perspective. :-)

[Steve Dougherty]

This is very sage advise. I am in my fifties and I am sill working on these maxims. Embracing them has made a huge difference in the quality of my life.

[Phillup Textfield]

you left a few out:

11) Never plan on retiring, EVER! -- We post-WWII babyboomers gutted this entire planet of its material resources (leaving you with looming fresh-water, arable land, timber, and fossil fuel shortages) and spirited away all of its virtual/financial resources by establishing an astral plane of banking upon which we could buy our fourth gulf-stream jet or catamaran--we also plan on living forty to fifty years into our post-sexual and post-productive lives, on your backs and from your sweat. Something about the fact that we lived through the threat of total nuclear annihilation by the USSR made us believe that we could live as though no one would ever come after us.

[republicanhater]

The "Living" section... men need not bother reading it.

[davidwayneosedach]

Anything with Anne Hathaway in it is great for me!

[Roseberry]

There is a magical day (hopefully, it comes to everyone, but sometimes to me it looks like it never arrives to some folks!) that comes in your 20s when you realize something.­. It is that you only have yourself to blame for everything you do -- nobody else is going to take the fall for you. Your life will be bettered or worsened by your own decisions and your choices. YOURS alone.
The realization is exciting and scary all at once. I think it might be something they call personal responsibility.

[galdr]

My first realization: I didn't do enough to take possession of my own fate.
Second: I have the ability to lead, but have thus far failed to do so.
Third: The music on my iPod is clearly not loud enough.

Ms. Roseberry's words, despite my snark, echo true. We each must take responsibility for the contribution we ultimately give.

[markytex]

i am 40. this has no relevancy to me or anyone not on their 20s.

[RedDogBear]

Sorry but wrong. This has no relevance for anyone that has a functioning intellect. The whole Generation X, Y, Z, whatever is USA Today pop sociology with no scientific basis.

[Brendan Diamond]

Ha! Not only are you wise with your words, you're also a Bears fan. You rock, Red Dog!

[ctblue]

You sound like your are 40 going on 80. That is too bad. There are many of these points that are relative to everyone no matter what the age. I'm in my 50's and I incorporate most of these points into my daily life. I also have a preteen daughter who unwittingly helps me keep perspective.