10 Tips For Twenty Something Transformation
The past two weeks, I have blogged about the rite of passage for today's twenty something woman (part one and part two). Below are ten brief tips to keep in mind during this time of transformation or really any stage of life as we are all consistently presented with unique challenges and changes:
1. Be present. This is a tough one because we spend so much time in our twenties obsessing about what we will be and who we will be with. Take the time to just be. Living mentally in the future constantly only creates anxiety. Yes, set goals and consider your future while committing to action steps that are attainable and realistic. And then just accept where you are. Trying to figure it all out is fruitless and robs you of the present moment.
2. Stop comparing. Don't look at everyone else around you to determine your worth. There will always be someone more successful, richer, prettier, wittier, thinner, and so on. Who cares what your friends are doing? Focus on what you want and be grateful for what you already have. Find individuals who inspire you rather than people you attempt to measure up to. We are all on different paths, carve your own.
3. Stop caring about what other people think. Other people's opinion of you or your choices is just that - an opinion, not the truth. It's your life so get in the habit now of living it on your terms. Don't let your fear of someone else's reaction stand in the way of your dreams. Be kind, but be you. And most importantly, don't personalize things. Often people give us feedback that is a bit rough around the edges. You can still hear the feedback if it is relevant, truthful or helpful without getting hurt.
4. Tune in. We all have intuition; we just do not always know how to access it or want to listen to it. Pay attention to your gut feelings. The more you listen to your intuition, the louder and more accessible it will become. And you can't hear your inner voice when you are only listening to the voices of others.
5. Don't wait for permission, approval or validation. Many of today's twenty-somethings grew up with over-involved parents who guided their path and patted them on the back along the way. Now it's time to be your own head cheerleader.
6. Make choices. Today's twenty-something has an upscale problem: an abundance of choices which often leads to making no choice at all. If decision making is a weak skill, find ways to build your decision making muscle. Resist the urge to call your friends and parents when faced with a decision. Make little choices each day on your own, without consulting anyone else (unless of course your choice directly affects another or others).
7. Make mistakes. Perceived failure is often how we learn the most. I have learned more from my mistakes/failures than any of my accomplishments. Mistakes are often the catalyst to accomplishments. Playing it safe only keeps you comfortable and it is only when we are forced to push beyond our safety zone that we discover our potential.
8. Do things alone. Young people often like to travel in packs or yearn for a permanent "plus one." Learn to be your own companion first. Be single for an extended period of time. Go to a movie alone. Go to dinner alone. Or best yet, travel alone. Be open to discovery.
9. Build your tribe. All of us need a tribe that extends beyond our family and consists of both peers and elders. Cultivate your personal and professional relationships by networking, seeking out mentors, and calling upon the wisdom of older generations. Ask questions to the people who have "been there, done that" and listen carefully to their answers. And ask for help or support when you need it. Yes, independence is important but needs to be balanced by interdependence and connection. And by connection I mean live, face-to-face interaction. Facebook will not nourish your soul.
10. Be of service. Don't just be part of a tribe, contribute. Many people comment that self-reflection and introspection is or feels selfish. Well it is if that is all you do. As you are in this phase of life when you are learning more about who you are and what you want, make the time to give to others. Not only will it get you out of your own head, but when we step into the attitude of service, we uncover amazing and untapped qualities. It is in the act of giving that we receive the most.
And if I were to give one overarching tip it would be to enjoy the learning process that is part of any transformation. And life is a series of transformation. Change is inevitable. Careers, relationships, money, houses, good times and bad times will come and go. But we have the choice in how we respond to all of those things. As Victor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." And when you are free, you can fly.
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Final tip - don't grow older.
One thing I would add, that builds on tribe and mentors, is specifically to seek out people to mentor. If you're past twelve or so, you can almost certainly mentor someone else. I haven't been mentored quite as much as I'd like, but taking my own initiative to mentor a friend about ten years younger (in music) has been one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. And I do believe that it will attract the right mentor(s) to me in some karmic way.
Pretty good advice for people of any age.
This article is bogus because I think nobody can give advice to others. I heard a commencement speech by Dolly Parton in the 2009 graduation ceremony at University of Tennessee. She said "I CANNOT GIVE YOU ADVICE BUT I CAN CERTAINLY GIVE YOU INFORMATION.
people learn from their own mistakes/a
Wish I took some of that advice when I was 20 something.
Thank you for the continued interest in our unique generation. It is good to see I am not alone in how I feel. I am the youngest at my job with a reputable position (most are 40 +) and even though I adhere to the workplace guidelines and tone down the generational lingo, I am still chastized/ridiculed and inherently not taken seriously because of the perceived whiney narcissism of Gen Y. We are not all whiney, spoiled children. I show up for work and get beat down daily, and say not a word to anyone, I am happy to have a job in this time. Just had to get that out there, because a lot of the comments here reflect the thoughs of those in my industry daily.
You are whinning. Ironic huh?
Thanks for the advice. In the future, don't give out anymore advice and let people figure it out on their own.
Maybe you should take your own advice (or was that an order?)
They forgot the tip about how the world does not happen to revolve around them. You see, I'm a Gen-X'r and it never stopped revolving around me!
A post further down the line has reminded me, this article *may* be something of a pre-economic collapse piece. Back in June 2006 twenty-somethings still had the luxury of worrying about validation. June 2009, its family home foreclosures and worries about paying next month's rent. As the line goes, it is time to put away childish things.
On the contrary- the age group this article is speaking lives in a post-retirement world. There's no gold watch and pension plan at the end of the tunnel for us. The job market has gradually become harsher and less personable, to the point where most industries consider their employees as resources first and humans second, and loyalty to the worker as as quaint and outdated as The Brady Bunch. Yes, money is vital, but so is developing an emotionally sustainable lifestyle in and out of the workplace. We need our childish things, perhaps more than ever.
I'm not saying everyone has to love their work. But we can't afford to hate it anymore.
Wanna bet?
The whole point should be not to settle for something you don't want to do. If you don't want to be a barrista, don't be! Nobody said you have to. But you have to be ready to deal with the consequences.
See, I'm 25 now. A year and a half ago, I gave up a very high-paying job that I got right out of college so that I could do a Master's course abroad. I knew this would mean I'd have pretty much zilch-o on the monetary scale, but I hated my job and hated my workplace. Now, I have no money, and I'm in some serious debt, but I'm much, much happier. Would I like to have more money? Sure, who wouldn't? But I took the chance, and I accepted the consequences.
The problem with our generation isn't entitlement or narcissism; it's a lack of consequences. And that has been fostered by the elder generations. Don't believe me? Look at the bailouts. Our economy was about to fail, and Presidents Bush and Obama, along with the Congress, saved it from going that way by throwing money at enormous businesses that were failing. What that means, though, is that the companies didn't have to deal with the consequences of failing to modernize or provide superior products. Would I have let them fail? I don't know. Probably not. But the generations that are in control now certainly didn't make them deal with the consequences of their actions.
I'm 21 and kissed a wonderful college experience goodbye just one month ago. There was so much pressure to find the PERFECT job in a market that wasn't producing ANY jobs at all, so I decided to step outside the box - or, in this case, the country. I studied journalism for four years so I could tell stories from places people rarely hear about. So I took control, networked and I am moving to Santiago, Chile to start working for an English-language newspaper. I'm traveling alone, no friends or family or school study abroad office to back me up. It's all me and I can't wait to dig in and start learning more about this amazing country and myself. I wish more young women like me would take these kind of chances - just break away from whatever is keeping your feet on the ground and take a giant leap into the unknown. I have no idea what will happen to me in Chile, when I'm coming back, or where I'll end up. That's just part of the adventure, and I know I'll never regret this experience.
Good luck to you!!
Good luck to you. I'm 27 and wish I had that sense of adventure!
You are going to miss the next Rancid tour. Oh ? Sure, you don't miss seeing Rancid live?
I think you are lying. Have fun out there, and enjoy the food.
Get ready to kill alot of cockroaches, don't drink the water and know that the local law enforcement are as corrupt as the criminal sneaking into your home. To them, you are rich. The fact that you care about your relatives and your health and safety is a tradable commodity.
And brace for heavy change in body odor.
What happens if you don't raise the funds for a flight back to the US ? Or are you harboring a wellspring of capital ?
Congratulations on embarking on an Excellent Adventure! Do keep enough cash on hand for a return ticket, though (voice of experience here.) Enjoy, and much good luck!
Can you really get to any of these without turning 30 first?
And not a word, not a single word, about accountability.
The only thing you can count on with the youth of today is that they will not be doing what they said they were going to do.
It's only because we learn from example.
Hey now, you're both right! There's no accountability for Generation Y (is that REALLY the name we're stuck with?), but neither is there any accountability for the Boomers and Joneses that've screwed things up royally for the Generations X and Y. Just ask the folks on Wall Street.
What a rude generalization.
Lol @ bitter old people.
People who "stop caring about what other people think" do horrible, monstrous things.
That is not necessarily true Professor. I was talking about not letting naysayers bring you down.
Like this website and most others that allow comments, almost all are negative. Like your comment.
It easier to tell people what not to do, but rare that people offer positive advice.
My point is if you can avoid people like you and actually move forward with your life, there is chance for one to contribute to society rather than sit around and whine about it.
You should try it sometime. It's not too late. Even for one like you.
You don't seem to understand. Surprising, because its pretty straightforward.
The author is talking about not letting one's life be controlled by what others think, not necessary "forget everybody and do what you want regardless of social consequenc
Man, I had a blast in my twenties. I did things, I really lived life. I made huge career moves that affected positive change for a lot people. It was a very rewarding time for me. One thing I did well and didn't realize I did it well until now, (In my late 40's) is not worry what other people thought. I didn't try to piss people off, but I did what I thought was best. I suppose it helped that I wasn't a complete idiot.
I'm not bragging, but this article brought back good memories. I have no regrets from that age.
Live your life the same way and you'll be alright.
Yeah, I wish I'd allowed myself more adventure and fun in my 20s.
My plan is to hide in my hovel until my twenties are over.
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