10 Tips For Twenty Something Transformation

The past two weeks, I have blogged about the rite of passage for today's twenty something woman (part one and part two). Below are ten brief tips to keep in mind during this time of transformation or really any stage of life as we are all consistently presented with unique challenges and changes:

1. Be present. This is a tough one because we spend so much time in our twenties obsessing about what we will be and who we will be with. Take the time to just be. Living mentally in the future constantly only creates anxiety. Yes, set goals and consider your future while committing to action steps that are attainable and realistic. And then just accept where you are. Trying to figure it all out is fruitless and robs you of the present moment.

2. Stop comparing. Don't look at everyone else around you to determine your worth. There will always be someone more successful, richer, prettier, wittier, thinner, and so on. Who cares what your friends are doing? Focus on what you want and be grateful for what you already have. Find individuals who inspire you rather than people you attempt to measure up to. We are all on different paths, carve your own.

3. Stop caring about what other people think. Other people's opinion of you or your choices is just that - an opinion, not the truth. It's your life so get in the habit now of living it on your terms. Don't let your fear of someone else's reaction stand in the way of your dreams. Be kind, but be you. And most importantly, don't personalize things. Often people give us feedback that is a bit rough around the edges. You can still hear the feedback if it is relevant, truthful or helpful without getting hurt.

4. Tune in. We all have intuition; we just do not always know how to access it or want to listen to it. Pay attention to your gut feelings. The more you listen to your intuition, the louder and more accessible it will become. And you can't hear your inner voice when you are only listening to the voices of others.

5. Don't wait for permission, approval or validation. Many of today's twenty-somethings grew up with over-involved parents who guided their path and patted them on the back along the way. Now it's time to be your own head cheerleader.

6. Make choices. Today's twenty-something has an upscale problem: an abundance of choices which often leads to making no choice at all. If decision making is a weak skill, find ways to build your decision making muscle. Resist the urge to call your friends and parents when faced with a decision. Make little choices each day on your own, without consulting anyone else (unless of course your choice directly affects another or others).

7. Make mistakes. Perceived failure is often how we learn the most. I have learned more from my mistakes/failures than any of my accomplishments. Mistakes are often the catalyst to accomplishments. Playing it safe only keeps you comfortable and it is only when we are forced to push beyond our safety zone that we discover our potential.

8. Do things alone. Young people often like to travel in packs or yearn for a permanent "plus one." Learn to be your own companion first. Be single for an extended period of time. Go to a movie alone. Go to dinner alone. Or best yet, travel alone. Be open to discovery.

9. Build your tribe. All of us need a tribe that extends beyond our family and consists of both peers and elders. Cultivate your personal and professional relationships by networking, seeking out mentors, and calling upon the wisdom of older generations. Ask questions to the people who have "been there, done that" and listen carefully to their answers. And ask for help or support when you need it. Yes, independence is important but needs to be balanced by interdependence and connection. And by connection I mean live, face-to-face interaction. Facebook will not nourish your soul.

10. Be of service. Don't just be part of a tribe, contribute. Many people comment that self-reflection and introspection is or feels selfish. Well it is if that is all you do. As you are in this phase of life when you are learning more about who you are and what you want, make the time to give to others. Not only will it get you out of your own head, but when we step into the attitude of service, we uncover amazing and untapped qualities. It is in the act of giving that we receive the most.

And if I were to give one overarching tip it would be to enjoy the learning process that is part of any transformation. And life is a series of transformation. Change is inevitable. Careers, relationships, money, houses, good times and bad times will come and go. But we have the choice in how we respond to all of those things. As Victor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." And when you are free, you can fly.

Comments

[chevyval]

Do society a favor and dress well.

[LeonidasMcGavin]

I agree with DC - learn that it's not all about you. If you died tomorrow, 99.9999 percent of the world would not know the difference. Once you learn that you can get over yourself and start living.

Get the heck off Facebook and take a walk in the woods. Plant something. Go in your yard, a park or somewhere and look at the birds and learn to identify them. Learn to play an instrument, paint or write poetry. Learn to do stained glass or take pictures.

DO care what other people think. Don't let people's opinions imprison you, but you need to realize that how you present yourself, how you treat others and that learning to compromise is VERY important.

[DC]

Tip Nr. 1. Stop the narcissism. The world is not about you. Deal with it.

[MiddleRoadLiberal]

I agree. The world is not about all of you. It's about me. Deal with it. The sooner you do, the sooner we can all get to focusing on pleasing me.

[Read Books]

I agree.

The sooner people learn self-reliance and personal responsibility, rather than asking for handouts, the better.

[willamette girl]

11. practice yoga with a good teacher. when you hit 40, you will be very happy did...

[Plissken]

So how exactly do you get to be an "expert" on the "y" generation? Is there a class you can sign up for?
So when the "expert" turns 30 next year, does she automatically lose her "expert" rating? Based on what ive seen of her "writings" its like self help guru nonsense... haha.

[NoMercy]

I wish I was twenty-something again.

With the wicked wisdom of a forty-something...

[coastalcarla]

I was going to say......I wouldn't wish being twenty something again on my worst enemy! But if I got to go back with the wisdom I have now, I'd have a blast and a half.

[jkpcguru]

Thanks for the advice. It just so happens I was contemplating the same things lately.
Sincerely,
Twentysomething Huffposter

[MikeDu]

I especially like #8.
I've lost count of how many 20-somethings I've known (mostly coworkers, these days) who find themselves stunned when, after the 'big breakup', are unable to so much as boil their own water for ramen noodles. They never learned how to be an 'individual'. Be your own best company, be your most faithful servant.

Your best bet may be to learn by example. Seek out the company of mature 'grown-ups' in your life who appear to be doing it right. Don't quiz & question, just absorb.

[reedaleddy]

I can not find employment am scared I will be homeless soon had my son at 18 and live a few miles outside of Detroit, what advise you got for me huh beside's eating a gun?

[coastalcarla]

Whoa! Calm down - it can't be THAT bad.

[mandilee]

you should ask for help and SOON. you can't do it all on your own. reach out to family, friends, support groups for young moms - anywhere you feel safe. ending your life before it's even begun is not the answer.

[Merckx]

My advice to you is to move from Michigan.
Really. Do what you have to do to brighten your future.
Right now and for the foreseeable future, Michigan is not going to help you.
Think of it as an adventure. Like in the pioneer days, when people headed west to find a new life. There were no guarantees but they did it.
The whole economy is in a world of hurt. Look within yourself and dig down and go forward boldly. I'm not trying to be corny here. It's an attitude I'm writing about.
Also, stop reading bad stories on the internet. It really brings people down.
Gravitate towards the positive. good luck.

[missviv]

This twentysomething appreciates this, thank you!

[Stefano]

Good advice, I'd like to add a few others.
First and foremost, life aint fair, never come into my office and start off with "its not fair."
Just because you've been here for a year does not mean you deserve a promotion. Have you shown anything that says I deserve more responsibility.
You possibly may be smarter than your boss, but not as experienced. Listen, and don't think you know everything.
Rememer, you are here to work. You are not entitled to any special treatment. Your parents may think your the greatest, but I didn't have the benefit of seeing you take your first steps or first words, you will have to earn your role.
Finally, never equate a work situation to anything that happened on gossip girl, the new 90210, the hills, etc. We may be politely smiling at your observation, but you are being mocked behind your back.

[RevSpaminator]

If you want a long life of indentured success, this advice is right on!

Quit your job and slack off before it's too late!

Hail Eris! Praise "BoB"!

[MikeyMike]

Stefano! We must work with the same folks! Srsly tho kids, he's right. You'll be passing out the same advice, (and getting the same response) in twenty years.

[YellowPanties]

Stefano, you sound like a humorless prig... and your spelling sucks. I pity anyone who works for you.

[wietog]

And you hired someone like this because?
There are SO MANY qualified 30-, 40- and 50+-somethings looking for work.

[BlueGlueBunny]

See above, exactly my point. Do not lump us all in a category because of your prior experience with an immature 20 something. I did not finish college and yet, can compete in my field because I work hard, attempt to mesh with my older peers, and I am a fast learner. I don't think the world is handed to me on a silver platter, I had to work tirelessly for everything I have. I just turned 26. Before you spread the negativity of our generation, speak to someone who deals with this outlook daily.

[RevSpaminator]

11 1/2. Don't accept lame "something" lables.

11 3/4. Self help books don't work.

[theaetetus]

i think i just threw up a little

[chedar]

+1

[Rich Hosking]

Yeah, don't look for external validation, just read this article to discover who you should be...yadda, yadda... Seems to me, if your reading an online blurb to find direction, then the war is already over.

Oh, and for the record, I doubt most American children suffer from "overparenting".

[YRG]

I'd add a few more:
11. Just Do It. It's more than a Nike slogan. Focus on achieving your dreams now. Ask yourself what you want to be or do and do it, without excuses or searching for the right way... there is only one path to your destiny-- your own.

12. Set a long-term goal. 10 years may seem like a long time in your 20s, but it doesn't seem so long once you hit thirty. Make a plan for how to use those years to become your dream. Just like school, real life teaches you things through experiences that take time. For example, Malcolm Gladwell, in Outliers: The Story of Success, suggests that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to do something well. Get those hours in while you're in your 20s, and you'll be far ahead of the rest.

[douhwa]

i agree with what this article is saying, but i think there is also irony in its content and target audience.

these are all aspects of the maturation of the 20-somethings into 30-somethings. if 'growing-up' was as easy as reading about how to in an article, then i think i'd have reached nirvana already.

also, i dont think this is just for the 20-something but for just about everyone.

[dndelyne]

THANK YOU! I obviously didn't learn #2, but as a 32 yr old, i was starting to feel pretty bad about myself that I hadn't yet mastered most of these.