I love Christmas, but I hate being single at Christmas. This is such a romantic time of year -- every time I turn on the TV I see a couple snuggled up in front of the fire exchanging gifts. I have no one to cuddle with other than my cat and it's depressing. Plus when I go home, my entire family incessantly asks me about my dating life and reminds me that I am not getting any younger and I am in the only one in the family not coupled up except for my nieces and nephews (whose average age is about eight). How do I get through another holiday as a single person when the only thing on my Christmas list is a boyfriend?
- Alone under the Mistletoe, 28, Tampa
Dear Alone under the Mistletoe,
This time of year can be torture for single folk who want to have someone to curl up to next to by the fire. But here is the thing: you have the REST of your life to be coupled up and share the holidays with someone. Enjoy the people (and your cat) that you do have in your life right now and make plans too see them more often. Creating a story in your head that something is wrong or lonely about being single is just a story. It's time to write a new script.
Instead of focusing on what you don't have -- bring your awareness to what you do have. Friends, family, a job, your health, the freedom to see whomever and do whatever you please, the ability to be of service and so on. According to the law of attraction, if you keep focusing on what you lack, guess what? You get more lack! And if you focus on how much you want or desire a boyfriend, guess what? You convey an air of desperation because you aren't happy with what you do have.
And the fact that your family keeps asking you about your love life is partially because they are picking up on your vibe of wanting to check out of singlehood. Imagine if you showed up this Christmas completely happy, content, and confident in your life as a single, independent woman! When they ask you about your love life, simply share that you are indeed in love -- with the way your life is now. That may silence the interrogation for a while. You can also respectfully (and without sounding defensive or cranky) say that you are quite content being single and you'll be sure to let them know when there is a change of status in your love life. Most of all, I encourage you to let their questioning roll off your back -- what's the point of letting it bother you so much? Plus, families are great for asking questions that push our buttons; however, what is usually underneath what seems like triggering interrogation is simply love and concern. Try to see past the annoyance.
And this holiday season, give yourself the gift of acceptance. Accepting who you are and where you are in your journey through life. Focus on everything and everyone in your life that you do love. You are more likely to get what's on your Christmas list if you can truly be loving to yourself - regardless of whether you are in love with someone else. I'm sure you've heard from countless people that they meet their "soul-mate" when they weren't even looking. So stop searching and longing so much and who knows. . .you may meet someone under the mistletoe when you least expect it.
Please send me your questions by emailing christineAThuffingtonpost.com