THE BLOG

Alone Under The Mistletoe

03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

The holiday season is full of blessings and wonderful traditions; however, it can also be a very triggering time of year. Many who are single and don't like being single may find it especially difficult during Christmas. As chestnuts are roasting on an open fire and Jack Frost is nipping at your nose, you may be acutely aware that there is no one to curl up by the fire with and the only thing nipping at you is your judgment about being without a "plus one."

It's natural to feel alone and perhaps a little self-conscious among a couples canoodling over eggnog, but try not to become obsessed or overly focused on it. Maybe it's the story of Noah's Arc that we hear as children that begins the conditioning that it is somewhat "better" to be part of a couple. But it is simply not true. Your dating or marital status does not determine your worthiness. If you find yourself becoming a Single Scrooge, remember that creating a story in your head that something is wrong or lonely about being single is just a story. It's time to write a new script full of gratitude for your Christmas present and future.

Instead of focusing on what you don't have -- bring your awareness to what you do have. Friends, family, a job, your health, freedom to see whomever and do whatever you please, the ability to be of service and so on. If you keep focusing on what you lack, guess what? You get more lack! Enjoy the people that you do have in your life right now and make plans to see them more often. Often friends make better dates anyway! And trust me, a lot of the people in couples are looking at envy with you. The Christmas tree is always greener on the other side of the fence.

If you are getting annoyed by family members incessantly asking about your dating life and reminders that you are not getting any younger, take a deep breath and forgive them.

The fact that people keep asking you about your love life is partially because they are picking up on your vibe of wanting to check out of singlehood. Imagine if you showed up this Christmas completely happy, content, and confident in your life as a single, independent person! Fall in love with the way your life is now. That may silence the interrogation for a while. You can also respectfully (and without sounding defensive or cranky) say that you are quite content being single and you'll be sure to let them know when there is a change of status in your love life. Most of all, I encourage you to let their questioning roll off your back -- what's the point of letting it bother you so much? Plus, families are great for asking questions that push our buttons; however, what is usually underneath what seems like triggering interrogation is simply love and concern. Try to see past the annoyance.

This holiday season give yourself the gift of acceptance. Accepting who you are and where you are in your journey through life. Focus on everything and everyone in your life that you do love. You are more likely to get what's on your Christmas list if you can truly be a good partner to yourself. And who knows ... you may meet someone under the mistletoe when you least expect it.

-Christine