Homesick For The Holidays

Dear Christine,

I love Christmas, but I hate being single at Christmas. This is such a romantic time of year - every time I turn on the TV I see a couple snuggled up in front of the fire exchanging gifts. I have no one to cuddle with other than my cat and it's depressing. Plus when I go home, my entire family incessantly asks me about my dating life and reminds me that I am not getting any younger and I am in the only one in the family not coupled up except for my nieces and nephews (whose average age is about eight). How do I get through another holiday as a single person when the only thing on my Christmas list is a boyfriend?

- Alone under the Mistletoe, 28, Tampa

Dear Alone under the Mistletoe,

This time of year can be torture for single folk who want to have someone to kiss under the mistletoe. But here is the thing: you have the REST of your life to be coupled up and share the holidays with someone. Instead of focusing on what you don't have - bring your awareness to what you do have. According to the law of attraction, if you keep focusing on what you lack, guess what? You get more lack! And if you focus on how much you want or desire a boyfriend, guess what? You convey an air of desperation because you aren't happy with what you do have.

And the fact that your family keeps asking you about your love life is partially because they are picking up on your vibe of wanting to check out of singlehood. Imagine if you showed up this Christmas completely happy, content, and confident in your life as a single, independent woman! When they ask you about your love life, simply share that you are indeed in love - with yourself. That may silence the interrogation for a while. You can also respectfully (and without sounding defensive or cranky) say that you are quite content being single and you'll be sure to let them know when there is a change of status in your love life. Most of all, I encourage you to let their questioning roll off your back - what's the point of letting it bother you so much?

This Christmas, give yourself the gift of acceptance. Accepting who you are and where you are in your journey through life. Focus on everything and everyone in your life that you do love. You are more likely to get what's on your Christmas list if you can truly be loving to yourself - regardless of whether you are in love with someone else. I'm sure you've heard from countless people that they meet their "soul-mate" when they weren't even looking. So stop searching and longing so much and who knows. . .you may meet someone under the mistletoe when you least expect it.

-Christine

Dear Christine,

I am facing my first Christmas alone this year. I took a job across the country from my family and I can't afford a plane ticket home for the holidays. And my parents can't afford to fly me home, which I know is really hard on them. I am dreading Christmas day because I know it's going to be hard, lonely and I'm going to miss my family a ton. How do I get through this holiday without feeling so incredibly depressed?

- Homesick at Christmas, 25, San Francisco

Dear Alone for Christmas,

Not being with the people you love during the holidays is difficult anyway you slice and I am sorry you will not be with your family this year. But how lucky you are to have a family to miss! Reminding yourself that a lot of people are totally alone, with no one even to call or miss on Christmas, isn't going to make you feel better. However, spending time with those people who are less fortunate may rekindle your Christmas spirit.

There are countless opportunities to volunteer and be with other people on Christmas. Just Google "volunteer on Christmas Day" brings up a variety of ways to be of service. The site VolunteerMatch.org offers opportunities within your zip code. You can also call your local hospital and inquire about ways to spread Holiday cheer to sick children or patients who have to spend the holidays in a hospital bed.

Giving your time to someone who will really cherish it is the best gift of all. Isn't that what Christmas is about anyway? And after you spend some time being of service, it will be wonderful to call your family and share with them how you transformed being alone at Christmas to bringing a little Christmas into some needy hearts.

Also, don't be bashful about telling your friends you are homesick and not able to be with your family! I can recall a few times I found out a friend was alone for the holidays and my first reaction was always, "Why didn't you tell me? You could have spent Christmas with my family." People are usually very open with invitations this time of year. Not only is it in the spirit of Christmas, but most people love the idea of having a friend as a "buffer" at family gatherings!

You absolutely do not have to be alone at Christmas! It's a magical day filled with opportunities to give and receive - so get out there and enjoy your holiday.

Merry Christmas,

Christine

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Comments

[cktirumalai]

11:33 AM on 12/26/2007

Accepting oneself without either over-estimating or under-estimating oneself, while not easy, is worth striving for.

[zakstar]

02:02 AM on 12/26/2007

It's a little late for this year, but if you ask around you can usually find a number of holiday orphans at the workplace and throughout your social circle. It's a great occasion to potluck a holiday celebration so no one has to be alone, unless he or she wants to. You supply 2 entrees and ask the guests to bring a side or a dessert. I had a great Turkey Day a few years ago when a friend hosted such an event.