How To Survive Christmas Alone

Dear Christine,
This year I'm not able to afford to fly back and spend the holidays with my family, so I am facing my first holiday alone. The way I'm dealing with it is that I'm not getting too excited or invested in the holiday season. I just can't wait for it to be over. I know I'm an adult now, but I just feel like a kid who wants to be home for Christmas. How should I deal with this?
~ Holiday Blues, 24, New York

Dear Holiday Blues,

Not being with the people you love during the holidays is difficult, and I am sorry you will not be with your family this year. The holidays are about good will and cheer, yet they do bring on a swirl of emotions about the previous year, and being away from family doesn't help. No matter what age you are, there's nothing wrong with wanting to bring back the magic of being a kid at Christmas. Being an adult means many things, but it doesn't mean you have to have a stiff upper-lip when it comes to a holiday away from family. One way to counteract this and rekindle your Christmas spirit is by spending time with those people who are less fortunate.

There are countless opportunities to volunteer and be with other people on Christmas. Just Google "volunteer on Christmas Day" brings up a variety of ways to be of service. The site VolunteerMatch.org offers opportunities within your zip code. You can also call your local hospital and inquire about ways to spread Holiday cheer to sick children or patients who have to spend the holidays in a hospital bed.

Giving your time to someone who will really cherish it is the best gift of all. Isn't that what Christmas is about anyway? And after you spend some time being of service, it will be wonderful to call your family and share with them how you transformed being alone at Christmas to bringing a little Christmas into some needy hearts. Moreover, you will really see that giving is the ultimate form of receiving.

Also, don't be bashful about telling your friends you are homesick and not able to be with your family! I can recall a few times I found out a friend was alone for the holidays and my first reaction was always, "Why didn't you tell me? You could have spent Christmas with my family." People are usually very open with invitations this time of year. Not only is it in the spirit of Christmas, but most people love the idea of having a friend as a "buffer" at family gatherings!

It really is easy to start spinning in your mind that you are alone when not in the usual company of family and friends at home for the holidays. It's important to remember that while you may not physically be there, you are far from being alone. Call your family and friends (maybe they would split investing in an affordable webcams so you can Skype each other), get out to volunteer, and see if there are friends in your city to spend time with. Especially with the economic crunch we are in, you may be surprised by the number of people you know in the same boat.

Most importantly, don't let the image of what a holiday "should" be dictate your feelings. This time of year is filled with movies and advertisements that oversell this time of year promote false expectations. Focus on what this season is really about: love and gratitude - not presents and parties. You can still fill yourself with the same feelings of love, friendship, and compassion that are at the core of the holiday season if you just look.

- Christine

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Comments

[BRlongview]

10:18 AM on 12/18/2008

i LOVE holidays alone, it's like the world turns off and everyone disappears for a day.... you have the city to yourself, because most people are packed in at home! It's the same feeling of waking up early on a sunday morning before everyone else... you feel like the whole morning is a special gift just for you!

[eus]

10:26 PM on 12/17/2008

Spending holidays alone are the best!!! Serene, relaxed , no pressure, no expenses , you can do everything that YOU want to do and youre totally off everyone's radar. After many years of spending holidays alone (just saying "no" to "sympathetic" friends) Ive finally got a boyfriend who likes to celebrate and holidays have become stressful and anxiety provoking. Maybe next year I'll ask for my alone-time back.

[MaximMaximus]

06:05 AM on 12/17/2008

I love spending Xmas alone....with my g/f :)

[Shazaam]

06:17 PM on 12/16/2008

I agree with all the comments here and would add one more. Travel. Taking a trip overseas somewhere with a tour company (i.e., Rick Steves) will beat any holiday blues. I did this alone once during Christmas and enjoyed it immensely.

[WA-violins]

02:27 PM on 12/16/2008

I've spent Christmas alone for years as none of my family travel this time of year because of the weather. If you have a talent for reading, singing, telling stories, anything--folks in nursing homes would love to have you visit. Or even to just roam around and visit with the residents. Ask them about their childhood, their work, their family. I guarantee that you'll hear some amazing stories. I play guitar, so sometimes I will make arrangements ahead to play and sing Christmas carols or oldies from the 20s-30s-40s. In fact, when I lived in another city for several years, and had a work schedule that permitted it, I played at one nursing home a week through November and December. The people loved it, and it made my holiday season something to look forward to. So figure out your own personal TRADITION, and starting building it!!

[Glamorosa]

01:33 PM on 12/16/2008

I am actually looking forward to spending Christmas day alone. Alone does not have to mean lonely.
I am choosing to be alone and cook my self something special for lunch and then go for a long walk, do some meditation and then watch a favourite movie on DVD. Its a day like many other days in the year, and its our attitude that makes or breakes it. Love yourself........................

[RobertaInCT]

04:35 PM on 12/16/2008

Excellent...........

[DaveJohnston]

09:51 AM on 12/16/2008

Great ideas, I too will be alone at Christmas this year, far away from my family and friends. I agree volunteering is worthwhile, and using some of these services to find others nearby sounds worth a try. I have Skype but found out that it has a lot of security problems, so I use another calling/video calling program called Raketu - from www.Raketu.com. It has everything that Skype has, and more, without the security issues and the phone calling is much less expensive. Calling isn't the same as being there, but I found video calling is great when you cannot be there. Thanks for the suggestions.

[gymbunnybee]

02:47 PM on 12/16/2008

I was alone for Thanksgiving and even tho I had anticipated a bummer of a day, I was surprised as to how peaceful and content I felt. I woke up nice and late, walked across to my local Dunkins for a coffee and donut, the walked for hours in the crisp cold, got a manicure, slipped into a theatre to watch a lighthearted brainless movie, came home to some comfort food: pizza and wine! Best day of the year.

Remember the key to this bliss is appreciation. For everything that you have going for you in your life - health, family, able to go home to a warm house/apt. Some people don't have any of that.

Appreciate and give thanks. And enjoy!