Lost On The Twenty-Something Journey

"I'm currently in my early twenties and I gotta say, I'm so lost. I have a lot of stress from a job I don't enjoy and battle constant insecurity issues (I related a lot to your article you wrote about going to your college reunion). So how did you do it? How'd you become so successful and happy with your life? Because honestly, I'm finding it a bit hard."
~Lost in My Twenties, Los Angeles, 24

Dear Lost in My Twenties,

I'd be surprised if you said your twenties were easy for you as this decade of life is full of transitions, decisions, and expectations. And all of it happens at a time when you are just beginning to get a sense of who you are and what you really want. Rest assured you are not alone in feeling lost. In fact, it's very natural to feel lost in your twenties. It's a myth that you are supposed to know exactly what you want and how to get it when you graduate from college. College may teach us specifics about certain subjects, but we do not graduate with the life skills that make living as an official grown-up easy.

In terms of my journey, I went through a period where life I too felt completely lost which forced me to really examine who I was and what I was doing. I was in a job I didn't really enjoy as a TV literary agent even though hundreds of people would have loved to be in my position at my age. The decision to leave my job and try something new didn't come without fear, but I recognized I needed a change, a new direction to take my life in.

Fear had always stopped me and kept me in situations that were not aligned with who I was. It took courage to make the changes I did and I had to learn that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather feeling the fear and moving forward anyways. And as I moved forward, I realized that there were many internal changes I had to make before I could expect anything in my external world to shift. Bottom line: I had to learn who I was and like that person. One I started to become happier with myself, I was able to begin to create a life that was more authentically successful.

But it took time as life is a constant journey. There is no "there" to get to. There is no formula to follow. There are no words of advice I can offer you that will make you happy and successful - you have to discover that on your own. As you travel on your own personal journey through life, here are a few things to consider along the way that may make the road ahead a little less bumpy:

• Stop comparing yourself to other people or measuring yourself against societal standards of where you think you should be. Keep your focus on your own life.
• Make a focused effort to learn from each and every one of your experiences. Reframe anything you may have perceived as a mistake as a lesson (and a blessing). Constantly ask yourself, "How can I learn from this?"
• If you aren't sure of your career path, take this time to learn as much as you can about various fields through research and informational interviews.
• Get your finances in order by getting on a budget, increasing your financial IQ, taking steps to improve your credit, and putting money into some kind of retirement fund.
• Take some time to really get to know yourself. Take this time in your life to look within yourself for answers rather than outside yourself for fulfillment. Work with a coach or counselor, attend personal growth seminars, and/or read self-improvement books.
• Focus on your relationship with yourself. Enjoy being single and spending some quality time figuring out who you are as a "me" before you jump into a "we."

Whatever you do, know that becoming secure within yourself and your career will take time. What you can do now is lay the groundwork for the life that you want, and take small steps to get there. Life experience is your best teacher. There is no magic elixir or secret mantra to give you what you desire. Living with self-criticism and chasing after expectations is exhausting and limiting so be easy on yourself. That said, be courageous. Step out of your comfort zone. Dare to look within, see what is stopping you and move forward in spite of your fear.

-Christine

Send your questions to christine AT huffingtonpost.com

Comments

[jkpcguru]

Christine, your article was so helpful to me. Thanks for writing it . I'm 23, struggling to finish college, my high school buddies are graduated and in the real world now and I'm stuck trying to figure out what is slowing me down.

[robynr]

you will feel lost many times in your life but remember 3 things and your future will be good.
lift with your legs not with your back.
bend at your hips not at your waist.
floss.

[KMan1]

The last one is the hardest.

[ChristineArylo]

Dear Lost and In Your Twenties ... I hear the words and feelings of lost, insecure, and unhappy in your voice and that must feel like a lot! So I offer you two questions to think about... because at the end of the day, I do believe we all have our own answers inside if we just get quiet enough to listen and brave enough to follow through. So get quiet, go within and listen...

1. What is it that you want in your life right now, today. Not in 5 years but today?
2. What are three steps you can take towards that?

Then I leave you what is called a Perspective Shift. Your current perspective is what I would call unhappy and totally confused. I offer you the option of the Perspective: On my journey and figuring it, and me out. Truthfully your twenties are about exploring, so explore. And double truthfully, the best thing you could do is explore who you are. Everything else comes from there.

[FabulousAt52]

Dear Lost In My Twenties,

You will be working until you are 70 years old and maybe even beyond that. You have plenty of time to discover what [kind of work] truly makes you happy and feel productive. Don't sweat it.

One piece of advice: If you can't make a living doing what you absolutely LOVE, settle for the next best thing and do what you love as a hobby. Life isn't always about having it all. Life is about appreciation for what you have......

[brassminnie]

"¢ Stop comparing yourself to other people or measuring yourself against societal standards of where you think you should be. Keep your focus on your own life."

This is really hard to do, but unique things cannot be compared and all people are unique. A little insecurity is actually healthy. It's part of what keeps us working to be people who contribute to society and helps us live together.

[wafowler4]

If possible, detach your work life from your non-work life. They are separate worlds and I have found this to be immeasurably helpful in dealing with my high-stress job.

I agree that there is no "there" to get to in life, but that is not the case when it comes to your career, you should set specific goals (both near and long term), and expectations. Just be sure that they are your own.

[DennyCrane]

I would add one other recommendation and that's to learn the live a healthy lifestyle. When you reach your 30s, you'll discover that's harder to take good care of yourself because of all the added responsibilities. But if you develop good habits early on, it'll be easier to stick to during the more stressful times that may lie ahead.