Have you ever had a situation or relationship that seemed so right end up not working out? Maybe it was a career opportunity that seemed like the perfect fit, a friendship that appeared to be an instant BFF, or a romantic relationship where you were sure they were the "one?" And then it ended. And you were not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don't understand what went wrong?
Why do things that feel so right end?
It's so that you can truly see what is so amazingly "right" about you. I'll explain using the example of a romantic relationship (the same explanation applies to any situation you were sure was "it" which unexpectedly didn't go the way you desired).
What I have seen over and over again with clients is that they meet someone that has all the qualities that they have dreamed about and they are so happy when they are with that person. And then the person goes away -- and often in dramatic, uncontrollable or unchangeable circumstances. It almost feels like the person is literally being pulled away. Well they kind of are -- and for a good reason, even if it doesn't feel like it.
First, no one is the "one" because everyone is the one. Every single person you have a relationship with (and I don't just mean romantically) is a soul mate because they are teaching your soul lessons. We all are mirrors and teachers for each other to learn our life curriculum. Next, just as people are here to teach us where we have judgments and unresolved issues, they are also here to illuminate what is so amazing about ourselves that we are not acknowledging, owning and experiencing.
If you have been with someone you thought was the one, you probably found certain qualities about him or her incredibly attractive. You also may have said, "He brought out the best in me!" Exactly. He or she did bring out the best of you, but it's YOUR job to keep it going. They fulfilled their spiritual agreement with you by attracting you with their awesome qualities to reflect to you what you are not seeing about yourself. And by triggering the best inside of you so you could have the experience of your awesomeness. But it wasn't their job to stay.
For example, if you were really attracted to their confidence and drive, one of their gifts to you was to inspire you to reconnect with your confidence and drive. We cannot see in another what we don't have inside ourselves. If you feel like the person brought out a quality of yours like creativity, you are incorrect. They merely triggered what has been dormant inside of you. No one else can make us anything that we aren't already.
If the person was still there, you would not be motivated to be the things you miss about them. If the person had stayed, you would have always attributed the best you that you felt around to them instead of you (which can lead to codependence).
I understand that nothing feels quite as devastating as not being able to be with the one you thought was the "one" or have the thing you thought was "it." But this is just short-term devastation. What would be devastating long-term is never truly integrating the amazing qualities you saw or experienced.
Trust that even though the physical presence of a someone or something may not be there, the qualities you loved belong to YOU. You can never lose them.
You bring out the best in you. It's there. Stop looking for it in the eyes or arms of another or some external situation. And when you bring out the best in you -- then you will attract what is truly best for you.
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