"You're too fat."
"You don't know what you are doing."
"Prove me wrong."
"You are stupid."
"You are hopeless."
These negative words are words often used by a bully. Many of us are familiar with the character that just constantly tormented us. I realized that this bully character that I thought I said farewell to after my teen years, never disappeared in my life. And that person was me.
I was the bully. I bullied myself. When my business went the way I didn't expect it to, I blamed myself. I was my escape goat. When everyone else was supporting me, I was sitting there terrified that I might disappoint everyone and started doubting and bullying myself.
The thing about the negativity that words of bullies use is never encouraging but it actually feels suffocating.
I don't know about you but I achieve more with positive assurance and encouragement rather than negative discouragement. Even knowing this, I still was my own worst enemy and bullied myself constantly. I picked on everything I worked on to see what I "missed". I didn't see this as an opportunity to learn and grow but I saw it as an opportunity to attack my own self-esteem without realizing it. It was my ego and pride that I disappointed, not those who are supporting me. The picture of outcome is not what I drew up in my head at all. It never is. My ego, thinking somehow I can paint a perfect picture, would be hurt so badly when it isn't.
Thankfully, faith and love steps in when I am constantly bullying myself. It is the understanding that I am capable of nothing yet everything. It is the knowing that those who love and support me, they will always love and support me. On this Anti-bullying day, I realized I am a bully; I was a bully. I bullied myself to exhaustion. I bullied myself to not see myself as the person I am but the person I disliked. I was hurting myself with words, thoughts, and actions. On this day that I support so dearly, I am making a promise to myself and to all of you.
I promise to embrace the love and support around me and accept it with full grateful heart. I promise to let myself go and have faith that whatever the outcome, I will persevere. I promise to love myself as I love everyone. I promise that I will learn to let myself go and to relax.
I promise to keep this promise.