My homeless friend, Larry, was upset as he recounted his recent experience: "The other day I went to a fast food store, bought a coffee and went outside to sit, drink my coffee and have a cigarette. But, they wouldn't let me. 'Move along,' they said, 'You can't stay here.' All I wanted to do was sit and have my coffee and a cigarette. And I had bought their coffee!"
What could I say to Larry? I have heard this before -- presumably-housed people treating a homeless person differently than they would a housed person. For example, when housed people buy items at a fast food restaurant, we expect to be able to sit in the restaurant or on its patio and enjoy our food. It goes without saying. It's what we expect and it's what we get.
What are we talking about here? Fears. Fear of people we don't know. We've been taught since childhood not to talk to strangers. But we're adults now. We can introduce ourselves to anyone and thereby meet a neighbor and potential friend.
Fear of economic loss by having homeless people on the premises is a concern for any business. Everyone needs a home. But, until everyone has a home, we will have homeless people among us. What is a business to do?
I wonder if when a business accepts the patronage of a homeless person, whether that business has any responsibility to the homeless person. My homeless friend, Jimmy, was involved in a situation lately that gave me pause to think about this.
For over 10 years, Jimmy and his wheelchair-bound wife, Ellen, were homeless. When Ellen died nearly six years ago, Jimmy could not contain his grief and drank to try to literally drown his sorrows. Every day, Jimmy would visit his local convenience store and buy his morning paper and breakfast beer. During the day, as his finances would allow, Jimmy made as many trips to buy beer to the same convenience store. Needless to say, Jimmy has been a consistent customer for many years.
But his last trip to his convenience store was different. As Jimmy tells it, when selecting his morning newspaper, he thought he had paid for it and put it in his bag. Jimmy was still in the store when the owner of the convenience store approached Jimmy and told him that because he had tried to steal the newspaper, Jimmy was henceforth barred from shopping in his convenience store.
The day after this incident, Jimmy told me that he felt terrible about being barred from his convenience store.
Please know that I am not condoning theft by any means by any person, housed or unhoused. However, misunderstandings do arise.
So, I offered to speak to the owner of the convenience store on Jimmy's behalf. Jimmy said that he would apologize to the management for the incident.
Unfortunately, the owner of the convenience store was not present when I went there, so I left my phone number with the manager and asked that owner call me so we could discuss the incident. [Note: the owner never called me.]
I shared Jimmy's feelings about the incident with the manager. She was not interested in anything I had to say on Jimmy's behalf. She did tell me repeatedly and with feeling that "they" are always standing outside the store and that "once 'they' steal from us, 'they' can never come back."
I said that there was only one person involved in this incident and it was Jimmy. The manager did not know Jimmy's name, but said that she did know that he had been coming to the store for years. She said that since he had stolen from the convenience store, he was barred from shopping there in the future.
I said that I understood her position, but that Jimmy felt terrible about the incident and would like to come in and apologize to her. She said that she was not interested in his apology.
"Please," I entreated, "Allow Jimmy to come and apologize to you because it would be good for him to do so."
"No, I'm just not interested," she repeated.
This incident is an example of how some businesses regard homeless patrons as different from their housed patrons. I can use myself as an example. Every day for over two years, I have been walking several miles in the morning. On my way home from my exercise route, I always reward myself for my efforts by buying a cup of coffee in my local convenience store.
At my convenience store, the manager often greets me by name when I enter and the sales people are always friendly to me during my stay in their store. I am treated with respect and as an individual. I don't feel like a "they."
Could it be that homeless people, as was the case for Jimmy, are not seen as individuals? I guess I've written this piece in hopes of reminding all of us that homeless people are people, too.
I look forward to your comments. Thank you.
Thanks for your comment.
In all fairness to Larry, he didn't suggest that I write about him. However, I felt that the treatment that Larry received at the fast food restaurant was different than I would have received and have received.
Yes, smoking a cigarette is against the law today, but I didn't want to varnish the story by changing Larry's words.
I don't believe Larry even got a chance to smoke before the fast food restaurant told him to move on.
You may be psychic because the article/post I just submitted to the HuffPost has to do with a young woman with two children. I didn't inquire as to her marital status.
I'll be interested to see what you write after you read my upcoming article/post which I hope you will read
Christine
i thought they outlawed smokeing in public places? inside or outside! i am a homeless rights advocate,but sounds like you werent getting your way so,throw a stink time?if you dont have enough sense to pour piss out of a boot,it looks like you have more problems,than being homeless.God bless.
Thanks for your comment.
And thanks for being a homeless rights advocate. We sure don't have enough homeless rights advocates.
Good idea about getting coffee and going to the park to smoke.
My mother, grandmother and great aunt all died from cigarette smoking so I'm definitely against smoking. My dad talked with knowledgeable lawyers about suing the tobacco companies for causing my mother's death. But they advised against a possible lawsuit as a non-winner.
All this is to say that I applaud that smoking is banned in restaurants.
And yes, you did guess it, Larry has more problems than just being homeless.
However, I still maintain that Larry should have been allowed to drink his coffee at the fast food restaurant. In my opinion, they could have just asked him not to smoke or to extinguish his lit cigarette.
I think that a housed person would have been treated differently than Larry. And I guess that's the point I'm trying to make.
Please stay in touch,
Christine
Making a change in our communities starts with us, as residents. Do something instead of talking about doing something. Put your money where your mouth is, America. Stop ignoring that these folks. Stop treating them like less than human.
Thanks for your email.
And thanks for sharing so much of your personal experience. I am sorry that you experienced discrimination. No one should feel discriminated against for any reason.
It is wonderful that you are working with StandUp For Kids! It's a super group. In what city do you live?
I have met great people working for StandUp For Kids here in San Diego.
Please stay in touch,
Christine
Thank you for your comment.
I do appreciate your thought that you have mixed feelings about this article. I have mixed feelings myself - or perhaps I should say that I believe that I understand the point of view of the businesses involved in these stories and I believe that I understand the point of view of homeless people.
No one should be homeless.
No one should take advantage of any business or person.
Knowing Jimmy as I do, I do believe that he did not intend to take the newspaper without paying. He has a form of dementia and probably, I think, he just forgot to pay. Prior to this incident, he had paid for his paper every morning for over 6 years.
Questions for you: should we stop spending "great masses of money...on warfare?" How do we do that?
Christine
Thanks for your comment.
You have anticipated my next article/post for The Huffington Post. The myth of not giving money to homeless people because they will spend it on drugs or alcohol.
Yes, some of us, housed and unhoused, spend money on drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.
But, there are some things that only money can buy - food, shelter, clothing, to name three.
I do hope that you continue to help homeless people with your generosity. If I may say, you sound like a truly loving person.
And when we share with those less fortunate, we always feel good - that's the thanks we give ourselves. Giving improves our mood and our immune system without the cost of seeing a doctor!
Any further thoughts?
Christine
Thanks for your comment.
I'm with you on your idea. Many homeless advocates over the years have maintained that "out of sight, out of mind" does not help homeless people.
As you point out, sometimes we need to see homeless people to remind ourselves that we need to help them.
Q: When would you like to get started?
Christine
Thank you for your comment.
As they say, "From your mouth to God's ears."
You have outlined the solutions to homelessness. Thank you!
Qs: Are you working in the field of homelessness? Where did you get your insights?
Christine
Thank you for your comment.
I agree with you that ignorance is the real problem.
We started a department for our nonprofit, Nos Amis/Our Friends, Inc., called the Center for Justice and Social Compassion (CJSC) through which we offer talks, seminars and workshops.
The motto of CJSC is: Education, Understanding, Compassion.
I love your comment - "We are not defined by our 'homes.' But by our character."
When I read that, I can feel the truth of your statement. So clear and direct.
Any other thoughts?
Christine