Self-Help Isn't For Dummies

In the weeks since the tragedies at the James Ray self-help retreat in Sedona, Arizona, I've written pieces for The Washington Post and The Huffington Post documenting the social psychology of the self-improvement industry. It's criminal how a motivational leader so misled people seeking personal transformation.

But when readers comment on my pieces, many seem to suggest that those who seek self-improvement are stupid, disorganized or at the end of their rope in life. Indeed, this is the conventional wisdom: That people who seek out self-help books have problems. That self-help readers are the kinds of people who watch infomercials at 3 a.m. while eating a supersized bag of Doritos. That self-help readers are unemployed, in their underwear, drooling on themselves. And because they are so pathetic, they make stupid choices like following James Ray.

Thing is, that's not true. Self-help is about self-control, and the people who are best at personal control tend to be the affluent, educated and proactive types. And the best of self-help--the virtue- and value-based self-help literature going back more than 150 years, including the writings of M. Scott Peck, Samuel Smiles and yes, even Dale Carnegie, not the cult-like mind-control of James Ray--is geared toward just those Type-A go-getters.

As I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the self-help industry, I found that self-help books are practical advice guides for self-control. Personal change is hard--and it takes a lot of work. Sometimes it's about controlling personal behavior, while other times it's about controlling your social life, workplace or romantic situation, but "succeeding" at self-help means attaining fulfillment through self-control.

The people who seek self-control are the ones who value it. And researchers find that self-control is a learned skill that increases with each previous success. But here's the kicker: Already having self-control is a large factor in gaining more of it.

So who tends to buy self-help books and attend self-help seminars? Those with enough self-control and success to value it--and want even more. Here's why:

Self-Efficacy: There's a difference between feeling good about yourself (self-esteem) and feeling proud of successful changes you've made in your life (self-efficacy). People who believe they can change are more likely to be able to actually do so, and they will also be happier people, researchers find. And unless you think your goals can be achieved, what's the point in trying? Self-help readers have a high sense of self-efficacy.

Demographics: Middle-aged, educated, affluent people have the self-efficacy, the social support system, and also the resources to change their behavior. Midlife is a time where people are most in control of various spheres of their life --family, career, financial--so they are free to seek control in other aspects of their lives. (For more on this, see O'Donoghue and Rabin's contribution on "Self-Awareness and Self-Control" in Time and Decision: Economic and Psychological Perspectives on Intertemporal Choice)

But education and affluence are crucial to self-control: Those who are in an extremely powerless status are more likely to be unhappy and feel directed by forces outside their control. Inversely, people who are equipped with a sense of power and self-efficacy are less likely to feel overwhelmed, even in situations of high demand.

Indeed, studies repeatedly find that children from poorer homes do worse on delayed gratification tests than children from middle-class homes, perhaps because of a less predictable environment among the less well-off, where one thinks in the short term because the long term is too up-in-the-air.

Either you got it, or you don't: And if that class statement isn't depressing enough, one of the most frustrating elements of self-control research is that people who demonstrate self-control skills are more likely to be self-controlled in the future. Either you have self-control or you don't: First, self-controlled behavior builds on previous patterns of behavior, and second, those who have self-control are more likely to value it and seek to increase their abilities. Just as an inability to control one's life can lead to anxiety and depression, so too does a belief in one's ability to master events foster an optimistic outlook on the future.

This isn't to say that self-control can't be learned, but simply that by the time one reaches adulthood, some people have more and some people have less. Self-help readers tend to be self-controlled people--who want more of it. Commitment to self-control requires cognitive and economic resources, and those who already have some of these resources are more likely to continue with a future commitment-be it through a purchase of a self-help book, joining a group or another level of commitment strategy.

So next time you knock self-help readers as silly or beneath you, think again. If you're so self-controlled and successful, maybe you might consider some quality self-improvement, too.

 

Follow Christine Whelan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/christinewhelan

Comments

[BethinIllinois]

Well, let's try the link again, shall we? I wish I could find out before posting it's not going to work!

http://decodeyourmessages.com

[BethinIllinois]

I think there's a difference between self-help books and self-help seminars. Certainly there's a big financial difference! Going somewhere for a weekend is a much bigger commitment than reading a book. I think people are looking for answers, they're seeking guidance to lives that may or may not make sense. We're willing to at least look at the wisdom of other people and see if it resonates with our own lives. I like this book, "Decoding the Spiritual Messages of Everyday Life," by Dr. Paul DeBell, because it's so practical! (I am myself, obviously, at least for the most part.) To decode the messages, you draw on time-honored wisdom and sound common sense. And an understanding of the spiritual messages lets you more effectively use the messages, and their guidance, to solve the everyday problems that so affect us all in life. (For anyone else who wants some info: www.decodeyourmessages.com)

[Denise Fayhee Wolf]

Good Morning Ms. Whelan,

I so agree with you on the point that individuals interested in 'self-help' are not the losers that they are often portrayed. But I strongly disagree that self help is the same as self-control. Especially in today's environment, in which the self-help movement has evolved it is really about self-awareness (a concept taught by Buddha long before any of the 'New Age' gurus came along). Much of the best 'self-help' work today isn't about controlling ourselves, others, or our environment. Rather it is work that helps us cut through the layers of what our Mother, Father, neighbor, religious leader, senator, teacher, radio talk show host, or anyone else has told us we should be or do to uncover and reconnect with our truest nature and purpose in life.
Denise Fayhee Wolf, Author/Blogger
http://thebountifulgarden.wordpress.com

[JIzin]

I like your last point. My mother got a book about finances for the family, and one of the ideas it said was "To those who have more will be given".
A quote from the bible somewhere, and they expanded on it like you did.

[Forfunandfreedom]

Christine,
Thank you for your article. I like to think of self-help as self development, because I am developing myself. I am 25 and have been reading or listening to 'self-help' books since I was 14 or 15. These books that I have read the first two being Dale Carnegie and Zig Ziglar have helped open my mind to new levels of understanding, new paradigms. Since then I have also seeked out great mentors and continued reading and listening to great thought leaders. Like Steven Covey, John Maxwell, Viktor Frankl, Malcolm Gladwell, Seth Godin, Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Steve Seibold and many more. The wise man learns from others mistakes.

In response to RMankovitz education without self-education leads to arrogance, loneliness and self pity. I appreciate the fact that you are well educated and that you learn from nature, because you are right. If one has the time, the education that introduces them to the basics of nature and the mind that works well enough to put the pieces together all by them-self, that's great. Even at this point though you have to admit, especially with your understanding of evolution that many of the concepts you have learned and picked up on came from those before you.

Everybody learns from others one way or another. The trick is QUALIFIED INFORMATION. If you choose to listen and study some individual and you haven't qualified their background or motivations then it is on you.

[RMankovitz]

I do not believe that those who seek self-help should be demonized.

Instead, the ones to be demonized are those who hold themselves out as experts in the field - the ones writing the books and holding seminars in sweat lodges. In my experience, particularly in the field of health, these self-appointed gurus are great at self-marketing, but are clueless when it comes to dispensing meaningful information.

So, the real issue in this field is - who should you listen to? I do believe those who have made a success of preaching to the self-help community could probably be relied upon to teach you also to be successful being such a preacher, but little else.

As a research scientist, I have watched for years many well-respected and well-published "experts" speak to large groups of self-helpers with authority on subjects of which they have little meaningful knowledge, and make a good living doing so.

Out of frustration, I decided some time ago that the only guru I intend to follow is nature. Some of us still remember her - she evolved us. By studying her and following her clues very closely, I feel confident that she can provide all the answers I could possibly need to live a happy, healthy and productive life.

Roy Mankovitz, Director
http://www.MontecitoWellness.com

[SteveSiebold]

Ms. Whelan,
Thanks for your insightful article on the personal development industry. So much nonsense has been written in recent weeks since the tragedy in Sedona. Unlike you, these reporters haven't done their homework. All they're interested in doing is demonizing James Ray and trashing the self help movement. I've been involved in personal development since 1984, and it changed my life. I've built three very successful companies that operate in 10 countries around the world using the techniques I learned from professional speakers and authors in this industry. I now conduct seminars around the world, and the people who attend are some of the best and brightest in their respective fields. These people are willing to check their egos at the door and consider the ideas and philosophies of outside experts. Thanks for being a professional and getting the facts correct. Steve Siebold, author, www.mentaltoughnessblog.com