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The Remedy for Right-Wing Nonsense Is More Right-Wing Nonsense

02/23/2015 08:21 pm ET | Updated Apr 25, 2015

In the aftermath of the 2012 Presidential Election, many on the far right -- including Ted Cruz, Rush Limbaugh, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Brent Bozell and Jenny Beth Martin, president of the Tea Party Patriots -- said that the Republican Party lost the presidential election because its presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, was not conservative enough.

Whoever knew these people to be wrong?

If it were not for that Socialist buttinski Romney, the GOP would have nominated a real conservative, and he or she would have been elected president instead of you-know-who. In 2016, Republicans must nominate a true conservative, who will not compromise but rather double down on ring-wing ideas.

The GOP may lose the presidential election in a landslide, but nobody will say its candidate was not conservative enough.

The GOP should take the following positions at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington D.C. on February 25-28.

Global warming. The liberal media continually quote scientists who claim global warming poses a danger to life on Earth. Such stories ignore the opinions of scientists who work for oil companies. If the earth is becoming warmer -- and we're not saying it is -- it is because of solar energy, which increases the amount of heat from the Sun. One doesn't need to be a scientist to see that fossil fuels are safer than solar energy.

Illegal immigration. If the United States is serious about controlling its borders, it isn't enough to deport illegal immigrants from Mexico and other Latin-American countries. We must do something about the million or so illegal immigrants who are here from other countries throughout the world, like Canada and Africa.

And what about all the Europeans who came to this country before we had immigration laws? It's too late to deport the people who settled here without documentation in the 1800s, but we can do something about their descendants!

Our position on illegal immigration should be as follows: Anyone who cannot prove they are in the United States legally must be deported to their home country.

Gay marriage. Socialist politicians, activist judges, and the liberal media have convinced much of America that gay marriage is acceptable. This is an affront to the Bible, which gives homosexuality a few dozen of the Book's 750,000 words -- and only tens of thousands of words to such things as love, compassion, kindness, forbearance, and mercy.

There are more passages in the Bible prohibiting leavened bread than there are passages prohibiting homosexuality. How can we call ourselves Christians if we sit idly by while so many people are eating leavened bread? What if there's a link between leavened bread and homosexuality? Or vice versa?

Conservatives must not only intensify their fight against the spread of homosexuality and leavened bread, we must insist that other Biblical prohibitions be mandated by law.

This includes eating pork (Leviticus 11:7-8), shellfish (Deuteronomy 14:9-10), and anything with fat (Leviticus 3:17); cutting the sides of your hair and trimming your beard (Leviticus 19:27); wearing polyester or anything else with more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19); or having women teach or have jobs where they have authority over me. (1 Timothy 2:12).

The Bible also instructs us to execute anyone who works on the Sabbath (Exodus 31:14). This admittedly would be unpopular with the National Football League. But how can anyone argue with us? It's God's will.