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Lost Returns: Spoiler Alert!

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Our favorite stranded castaways are back this week for their fifth season of mind-bending adventures. Theories are brewing among the enthusiast crowd as to what the new season might hold. Some fans don't have the highest hopes, however, fearing that recent plot lines have veered off into absurdity and their beloved show has 'jumped the shark' -- that dreaded point of no return in the world of television.

Other critics feel that the writers have simply written themselves into a corner, with no plausible means to dig themselves out. Regardless, all the speculation has led to numerous insider tips. One, which has surfaced in the days leading up to the premiere, is particularly troubling and perhaps confirms the suspicion that all is not well in the Lost writers' room.

It seems in the second or third episode of the new season, we can expect the introduction of a new character to the cast. One whom some of you may recognize from a previous ABC hit, The Flintstones.

That character is The Great Gazoo, the tiny, green, surly alien who appeared in the sixth and final season of the Stone Age classic in a desperate attempt to boost ratings. While Hanna Barbera's perplexing effort failed to gain traction and ultimately resulted in the show's demise, Lost creators are keeping their fingers crossed that Gazoo finds a more suitable home here.

We will be introduced to Gazoo when his tiny green spaceship lands on the island. Soon after, we learn that he is, in fact, the silent, extra-terrestrial mastermind behind the Dharma Initiative - pulling the strings all these years from his native planet.

Gazoo's salty demeanor remains unchanged from his time in Bedrock. Something the survivors of Oceanic 815 quickly learn as he appears over their shoulders, addressing them with his signature insult of "Dum-Dum." We have also confirmed that actor/comedian Harvey Korman, the original voice of Gazoo, has signed on for the Lost project, reprising the sardonic, mildly British-accented alien.

Following is an excerpt of dialogue we were able to find from an upcoming scene with Jack and Sayid. It is midday and they are approaching a clearing the jungle. The men are startled as The Great Gazoo suddenly pops up over their heads.

Gazoo: Well, hello dum-dums.

Jack: (furious) Hello, Gazoo.

Gazoo: It's The Great Gazoo, I thought we cleared that up.

Sayid: I will kill you! I swear to you!

Gazoo: Aren't you a fiery one? Don't get your to torture tools in a bunch. I'm here to help you gents.

Jack: Help us? You've been behind this nightmare all along, you're the reason our friends are dead! (tear)

Gazoo: Oh the drama, give it a rest, dum-dum. True, I hold the key to all of your fates. Fates you will learn all about in due time.

Jack: We never should have come back to the island. It's all my fault...it's all my fault!

Gazoo: Yes, perhaps it was...sorry a bit off subject, but how hot is Kate? I mean seriously, did you tap that, Jack?

Jack: Go to hell!

Gazoo: I'll take that as a yes. Good for you, stud. Although you're much too emotional for her. She needs someone who isn't going to blubber during tender moments of Gossip Girl. I think she could use a bit of the green salami, if you know what I mean...

Jack and Sayid both lunge at Gazoo, but he vanishes into thin air just as quickly as he appeared.

(END SCENE)

This snippet provides some unfortunate insight into what Season 5 may have in store. As do the other brief highlights we've uncovered, including Gazoo calling Locke a "Spooky-assed Dum-Dum" and Hurley a particularly hurtful, "Fat Tubby Dum-Dum."

Just when we thought we were going to get answers to things like; what that crazy black smoke is, who the hell Jacob is, or why polar bears are running around on a tropical island, it looks we've been thrown yet another classic Lost curveball. Maybe we were the Dum-Dums for thinking it would be so easy.