Getting Into The White House

Elayne Boosler, 11.30.2009

Writer/comedian

You don't "breeze on past" White House security by simply "walking in with confidence." It's not a hotspot in the Meatpacking District.

Tiger Quits Golf; Will Become Politician

Andy Borowitz, 11.30.2009

BorowitzReport.com

"After two days of refusing to speak to the media about suspicious aspects of my personal life, I have proved to myself that I am qualified for a career in politics," Mr. Woods told reporters in Orlando.

Dubai Completes 110 Story Middle Finger!

Tom Gregory, 11.29.2009

Actor, radio personality, and Tony nominated producer

Visible from space, Dubai has completed construction of the World's largest structure, the 110 story "Burj Dubai Middle Finger Tower."

How to Live On $0 a Day: Saving a Cherished American Holiday

Lesley Stern, 11.23.2009

Writer, counselor to the nouveau poor

Ask your neighbors over for a potluck Thanksgiving feast, just like the Pilgrims invited the Native Americans. Once you've enjoyed their delicious offerings, kill them and steal their possessions and property.

A Brief History of Thanksgiving

John Marshall, 11.26.2009

Comedian, Emmy-nominated writer

The Pilgrims came to this country so they could practice religious freedom, and also so they could wear big hats made out of black construction paper.

12 Titles For Carrie Prejean's Sex Tapes (Doug's Dozen #19)

Doug Molitor, 11.18.2009

Holy autoeroticism! She made 7 of them? She must do it religiously!

'Tis The Season To Replace Love With Material Possessions

Lee Camp, 11.24.2009

Comedian, LeeCamp.net

2012 and All That

Jonathan Richards, 11.23.2009

www.jonrichardsplace.com

Sarah Palin, Going Rogue, 2012, and the end of the Mayan Calendar. It all has a fearful symmetry.

African Leaders Advise Bono On Reform Of U2

William Easterly, 11.23.2009

Professor of Economics, New York University, author "White Man's Burden"

Saying that U2's rock had lost touch with its African roots, the Commission called for urgent measures to halt U2's slide towards impending crisis.

Neiman Marcus Goes Budget

Meredith C. Carroll, 11.23.2009

Colorado Columnist

The extravagant offerings in Neiman Marcus' 83rd annual catalog do not disappoint. Restrictions and exclusions apply to Goldman Sachs employees and anyone named Madoff.

Sneak Preview: The Oprah Winfrey Network

Spencer Green, 11.22.2009

Visit Mr. Green's website parallelfilmguide.com

Before Oprah Winfrey's last daily show airs in September 2011, she will premiere The Oprah Winfrey Network. Via spies at Harpo Productions, here is a preview of the bold and innovative programming that network with feature.

Naming America's First Marijuana Cafe

Matthew Diffee, 11.20.2009

The place is called The Cannabis Café, which I find pretty disappointing. If there's anything we know about people who claim to use marijuana for medicinal use, it's that they have a sense of humor.