Passive-Aggressive Holiday Gifts For Everyone On Your Naughty List

Una LaMarche, 12.02.2009

Editor of 'The Sassy Curmudgeon'

We all know the hidden meanings behind certain tried-and-true holiday presents. But what if you have a more specialized message to convey?

Afghanistan Could Distract Media From Tiger, Experts Fear

Andy Borowitz, 12.02.2009

BorowitzReport.com

Media critics are expressing concern that the focus on Afghanistan could distract the media from getting to the bottom of the Tiger Woods story.

The NBC Strategy to Save America

David Kronke, 12.01.2009

In the past decade, NBC has transformed from industry leader to laughingstock. Coincidentally, the US has followed a similar course. Has NBC informed governmental policy?

Tiger's Seven Lessons OFF the Course

Jonathan Littman, 12.01.2009

Author, I Hate People!

Any golfer could stand to learn a lot from what Tiger Woods does on the links. Off the course, it's what Tiger doesn't do that is the most educational.

Tiger Woods Disappointed Wife Didn't Use Four Iron

Ben Berkon, 12.01.2009

Comedy Writer/Blogger, SomethingYouShouldRead.com

Tiger Woods, who has been tight-lipped about the odd occurrence at his home last week, has now publicly displayed disappointment about his wife's club selection.

G.O.P. Ideological Purity Test

Trish Wend, 12.01.2009

You must adhere to at least NINE of these truths. Less than NINE: We give you the rack. Less than SEVEN: We kill your family. Less than FIVE: We cut off your funding.

Getting Into The White House

Elayne Boosler, 11.30.2009

Writer/comedian

You don't "breeze on past" White House security by simply "walking in with confidence." It's not a hotspot in the Meatpacking District.

Tiger Quits Golf; Will Become Politician

Andy Borowitz, 11.30.2009

BorowitzReport.com

"After two days of refusing to speak to the media about suspicious aspects of my personal life, I have proved to myself that I am qualified for a career in politics," Mr. Woods told reporters in Orlando.

Dubai Completes 110 Story Middle Finger!

Tom Gregory, 11.29.2009

Actor, radio personality, and Tony nominated producer

Visible from space, Dubai has completed construction of the World's largest structure, the 110 story "Burj Dubai Middle Finger Tower."

How to Live On $0 a Day: Saving a Cherished American Holiday

Lesley Stern, 11.23.2009

Writer, counselor to the nouveau poor

Ask your neighbors over for a potluck Thanksgiving feast, just like the Pilgrims invited the Native Americans. Once you've enjoyed their delicious offerings, kill them and steal their possessions and property.

A Brief History of Thanksgiving

John Marshall, 11.26.2009

Comedian, Emmy-nominated writer

The Pilgrims came to this country so they could practice religious freedom, and also so they could wear big hats made out of black construction paper.

12 Titles For Carrie Prejean's Sex Tapes (Doug's Dozen #19)

Doug Molitor, 11.18.2009

Holy autoeroticism! She made 7 of them? She must do it religiously!