The Health Care vote in the house was close. And it still needs to pass the Senate. Poor branding, such as the term Public Option, didn't help the cause.  But it's not too late to win the support of  Republican enemies and the Teabaggers who control them.  I submit ...

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Amid the publicity blitz for her new book, Going Rogue, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said today that "she was looking forward to reading it, big time."

Gov. Palin said that the book caught her interest as she was promoting it on Oprah last...

You know how sometimes you hear about a film that has so many good ingredients, it can't help but be the best thing since antibodies? Such a flick is Richard Curtis's "Pirate Radio" (known in its homeland as "The Boat that Rocked").

It's very difficult to imagine a better...

BEIJING (The Borowitz Report) - Hours after scientists confirmed finding evidence of water on the moon, the United States and China each announced ambitious plans to become the first nation to pollute the moon's water.

Both space programs argued that there were more than bragging rights at stake, with China...

That sex tape of Carrie Prejean no one can get their hands on? It's right here...

Dear Women,

You are never safe. Seriously. We mean it.

Hugs n' kisses,

Broadview Security

You can check out a new "Target Women" segment every Thursday on...

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - One day after clashing with CNN host Larry King, former Miss California Carrie Prejean showed another flash of anger today, storming off the set of her own sex tape.

While it is unclear what precisely set Ms. Prejean off, she seems to have been...

The former CNN anchor calls a sex tape he made several years ago "the biggest mistake of my life."

"I swear to all of you reading this right now, when I made that tape I must've been completely drunk on some crazy illegal Mexican hoo-ha, high on some premium...

"Researchers at Eindhoven University of Technology in the Netherlands are using iCat, a robotic cat made by Philips, to advise on energy use...The Dutch group using the iCat have shown that flashing subliminal messages can guide people to correctly rank the energy use of appliances: a kind...

If you've lived your life believing that hard work, ethics, observing the golden rule and fiscal responsibility will be rewarded, you're probably a little ticked off right now. Okay, you're probably roiling with rage (especially if you stopped taking your anti-depressants because your insurance company canceled you for being depressed).

(Reutrez) Washington D.C.

In a rare glimpse behind the closed-doors of The Federal Reserve, Chairman Ben Bernanke
released a snapshot of the economy they have been looking at for months.

"As you can plainly see, the economy is showing a "V" shape -- and there is activity...

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Controversial CNN host Lou Dobbs bade the people of Earth farewell today as he embarked on a long voyage back to his planet of origin.

Standing on a launching pad with his rocket ship at the ready, Mr. Dobbs addressed a crowd of dozens...

What I learned Running The New York City Marathon: Things To Avoid

Dogs that might bite you. It's hard to run if your leg is gushing blood all over the place and hurting you. Also, the blood makes the ground slippery, and other runners will get mad at you, no...

As you may have seen, the New York Daily News is reporting that a top lieutenant in the Church of Scientology is claiming that Tom Cruise offered to:

Personally "beat the living [bleep]" out of disobedient Scientologists

Leading Scientologists, and Cruise's lawyer have disputed the claim. And now,...

Former Governor Sarah Palin's imperceptibly anticipated memoir called Going Rogue is out in stores and churches on November 17th. Of course, there's no chance in hell I'm reading her autobiography. But, since I feel indebted to Governor Palin for inspiring Tina Fey's awesome impersonation, the least I can do is...