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dmsdzinr
Progression wit a twist of sarcasm.
01:30 PM on 12/09/2011
'I Wouldn't Date A Fat Girl,' He Said
He Didn't Know I Used To Be One
Here is a little "LIGHT BULB" for you deary.
RUN AWAY! Because if you even put on 10 LBS as you age, YOU are going to be HISTORY!
lesleypalmer
Happy to be alive.
02:15 PM on 12/09/2011
Well said.
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dmsdzinr
Progression wit a twist of sarcasm.
02:52 PM on 12/09/2011
Thanks!
12:57 PM on 12/09/2011
Seriously? This is not an enlightening article. The worst part of it is that you felt bad about your appearance, so you "wore no make-up." You don't need make-up to think of yourself as beautiful. In fact, I believe that wearing make-up is a sign of insecurity.
I'm overweight, and I was interested in learning about a struggle to overcome self-confidence issues. However, this article is exactly what's wrong with our society, and you're promoting it. You're saying that the only ways to get boys to look at you is by losing weight. You're saying that your primary concern with your weight was wanting to look like your bulimic friend. You should want to lose weight not to look like a person with a serious disease or to get a boyfriend, but rather to be healthy and confident in yourself. As an overweight college student, I can tell you that I know better than you, and that I've lost weight by recognizing that I need to do it for my health and not because I have to have a boyfriend to feel fulfilled. I'm going to continue to lose weight for the right reasons, despite the people like you in our society. And the fact that you believe that your husband is humoring you by saying that you were pretty when you weighed more is a serious problem in your relationship. Your ending sentence could not be more different from your meaning.
01:33 PM on 12/09/2011
You can have self-esteem and confidence while you are overweight, after all many skinny anorexic women have low-self esteem too. It is just that fat women don't get asked out, I'm overweight too, and whether I get asked out or not depends on my weight. When I lose weight, I get asked out, if I gain it back, I don't.
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intellifran
I think therefore I woman:)
01:34 PM on 12/09/2011
Make-up is a sign you care about your appearance and want to look your best. it's doesn't have to be overwhelming and despite what some men will say, most like it. It's the extra effort like a pedicure and a manicure. It becomes a problem when you're obessive and refuse to be seen without it.
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02:02 PM on 12/09/2011
Make-up is not a sign that you care about your appearance. It can be, but it's almost like you're saying that not wearing making means you don't care and that there's no middle ground. Taking care of yourself (healthy skin, etc.) is the way to show that you care about your appearance.
02:05 PM on 12/09/2011
Sometimes I wear make-up and sometimes I don't. I look great both ways. I don't think someone has to always wear make-up to look good. In fact, some people look much worse with make-up or put too much on. Sometimes natural looks truly awesome.
12:51 PM on 12/09/2011
The sad fact is that weight matters in the dating world. No one asked me out when I was overweight, but I was turning heads after I lost weight. I am overweight again and so no one asks this matronly woman out. Weight matters more than anything else in the dating world. You could be tall, have a pleasant face, a nice smile, kind eyes, nice hair, gregarious personality - but men will reduce you to an undateable fat woman, a one-dimensional view. Been there, done that.
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01:34 PM on 12/09/2011
Why do you suppose that is? Why do you think that men (at least the ones you are referring to) will not date a fat woman?

Do you think it is a result of some conspiracy in society, or because they find fat to be a sexual turn-off, or something else?

For example, I can understand a man saying "I find fat women to be a sexual turn off, and sex matters a lot to me in a relationship. Yes I understand that intelligence, gregariousness, nice face etc. are also good qualities, but I can also find that in women who are not fat. They are not mutually exclusive qualities."

Is that man wrong for saying or thinking that?

I am asking because I'd like to know where you think the problem lies.
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Macklyn
Peace y'all
01:58 PM on 12/09/2011
I hope not because I'm of a like mindset to your example... Fat is fine for friends/family/etc but dating is a whole 'nother matter and fat turns me off. I don't like beets either, just born that way.
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Keisha Gamman
there's a song by Cee Lo Greene I'd like to sing t
02:02 PM on 12/09/2011
the problem lies in the double standard

Let's take two movies, for example:

In the RomCom"Hitch", Kevin James [the fat guy from king of queens] somehow manages to nail a gorgeous blonde and the audience swoons over a sweet love story.

In the rauncy comedy RoadTrip, Skinny guy Kyle scores with a GORGEOUS plus sized girl and it's set up in a way that the audience perceives it as comedy.

do you see a problem with that? Ad nauseum is a powerful drug . . .
02:07 PM on 12/09/2011
It is better to be alone and wait for the right person than to hook up with someone who only loves you for your size.
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02:16 PM on 12/09/2011
Some day you'll figure out that it is not "either/or", but "both".
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alahnar
A strange bedfellow indeed
01:51 PM on 12/10/2011
Why does it have to be one or the other with you? I'm fit and attractive and young, but I'm also kind, funny, smart, and fun to be around. If someone falls in love with me, you're implying that they're only doing so because I'm little - let me tell you honey, that is NOT the case. I am opinionated as all get out, I make bad Star Trek jokes, I shop co op and "encourage" others to do the same -- those who fall in love with me do so because they love *me*, not my 24 inch waist or my athletic legs.
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PitBull6
11:34 AM on 12/09/2011
It's not PC to say, but for most men, weight is strictly an attractiveness thing. It says little if anything about one's personality, character, or integrity, but it does tell a little about one's habits and self-image. Just as some don't find smokers, red heads, those too tall/short, having curves/no curves, etc attractive, men, much more universally, don't find chubbiness or obesity attractive.
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AppleBaby
I'll look to like if looking liking move
01:48 PM on 12/09/2011
i agree. and that comes from a fat to skinny to overweight girl. it's what men find attractive. it's not a bad thing.
02:12 PM on 12/09/2011
The people who think this way will never be happy because they will never be satisfied with their partners' looks as they change with age - the kind that trades in partners every 10 years when they gain a few pounds or start to get older - probably the kind to avoid whether skinny or not, unless just wanting a casual relationship.
02:36 PM on 12/09/2011
Ditto for most women also.
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PitBull6
10:38 AM on 12/10/2011
Maybe. But not nearly to the same degree.
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DRJENPLAYTHISWAY
Mom of girl twins & boys twins & pediatrician.
11:22 AM on 12/09/2011
FANTASTIC posting from a confident woman - and a great lesson to teach our children (girls & boys) about body image. I love the comment "I am happy with me" because, obviously, in this world of photoshop our kids are growing up with the same skewed perception of reality our generation did. Kudos, too, to the lovely group of friends you hang out with (except Rob) as the sentiment in the room seemed to generally well deserved mortification at his attitude. OK, now I am going to order your book!!!!

Dr. Jen
https://www.playthisway.com/about-dr-jen.php
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
12:24 PM on 12/09/2011
Thank you so much Dr Jen! Our kids really do have to learn to love themselves. Make needed changes if necessary to themselves but they need to know when to stop and say, "I love me."
11:02 AM on 12/09/2011
As you mentioned, *popular* guys may choose thinner women for a variety of reasons. Mobility is probably the big reason, with details that aren't worth mentioning. But, obviously, unpopular guys don't choose one way or the other. Hence for most guys, size for the most part doesn't matter because it literally cannot matter.
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
12:25 PM on 12/09/2011
Thank you for your comment, jf12.
12:34 PM on 12/09/2011
Seriously, I'd prefer if my wife lost her 30 (some) pounds mostly because it would make it easier for her to move around, as well as for me to pick her up. But it is true that even besides the very many men who prefer heavier women, most guys are pleased just to have a nice real live woman.
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PitBull6
01:45 PM on 12/09/2011
I disagree. Mobility is not the big reason, attraction is. And for most guys, size most definitely does matter. Over time, tastes may change somewhat and self-imposed standards may drop, but it does and can matter.
02:16 PM on 12/09/2011
This post highlights what men women should avoid, whether skinny or plus-sized. They are simply in it for the sex and visuals and will soon trade you in for a different model according to their whims.
04:54 PM on 12/09/2011
I can matter for some men, but keep in mind the demographics of rain-thin fashion models: women and, dare I say, unmanly men. But plus-size women get plenty of unwanted attention from men, probably about the same amount as other women. Presumably those men are attracted.

Much more relevant to most men is attitude. Sometimes the size is being deliberately used like Ms. Houghton implied, as a sort of shield of fat, to go along with the half-hearted attempts at armoring against men via sloppy sweats or something.
10:56 AM on 12/09/2011
As someone who lost his own 30lbs, I'm glad the author found peace with her attractiveness.

I like what Professor Hamilton said, particularly, "No one should set rules for how I should feel," because I also believe that people should decide what's good for them and set their own rules. Given this, I feel that Rob is perfectly entitled to his feelings about dating fat girls. Also given that this does not mean I inherrently agree or disagree with Rob's feelings.

If a woman's weight is a criteria that Rob uses to judge women, then that's his right. Everyone has their own critiera that they use to judge other people. Whether I agree with it or not is moot because I believe each person is entitled to set their own rules, their own criteria. As such, I fully expect women to judge me just as I will be judging them.

Bottom line, I would point out that those who look down on Rob are doing so by using their own rules and their own criteria (might not be "dating potential" criteria, but it is criteria nonetheless), so for them to disallow his feelings about womens' weight is wrong.
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
12:53 PM on 12/09/2011
Thank you for your comment gurke75. It may be that people see Rob as limiting himself as far as dating goes plus his comment was seen by many as unbelievably rude.
01:30 PM on 12/09/2011
You're welcome.

I agree--Rob was rude in conveying his feelings. There is often a fine line between people being free to express themselves and people respecting other peoples' feelings, whether it's Free Speech matters or people who feel entitled to speak their mind. As for limiting himself, I leave that to him to decide.
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Dede Eagleburger
Beauty is in the eye of the makeup brush holder
10:24 AM on 12/09/2011
What an AWESOME story!!!!
I can totally relate...a few years ago I had gone from 140 to 199...it tooka lot of hard work and commitment to get back down to 140 again. I went through so many of the same things you did, Kristen. I was down on my self, lonely, and ate as therapy, and when I realized how far I'd let myself go, i made a decision to change, not for anyone but myself.
It is Rob's loss, for sure...but maybe there's hope for him, after all...again thank you for sharing such an amazing story!!!
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
12:26 PM on 12/09/2011
You are welcome Dede. I love your comment about changing only for yourself! That is key.
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Dede Eagleburger
Beauty is in the eye of the makeup brush holder
12:46 PM on 12/09/2011
it really is, because, that's how i've been able to keep on track really...I have a routine and I stick to it because i like how I look and how I feel...
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nix28
Ignorance stirs my inner demon...Sorry.
10:21 AM on 12/09/2011
I've always been thin (for my height and age, apparently) and envied the girls that were fuller figured. Growing up, I was constantly asked if I was sick, if I was hungry, if I was anorexic or bulimic, or if I was starving myself. I had friends and boyfriends comment that I was so cute and had a great body and I would look even better if I put on 5 more lbs.

I think what a lot of heavier girls don't see is that not all the thin girls are happy about their size, either. It's not like being thin makes life and dating an automatic walk in the park for us, and it's frustrating that many women honestly believe that we have nothing to worry about because we're thin.

The one thing I realized a long time ago was that I most likely would not gain a significant amount of weight to stop the questioning, but I had to learn to love my body as it was, and I do. And it's that confidence in myself that pulled guys to me (though I'm sure being a curvy thin girl helped at times, depending on the guy) along with my personality. But the key is the confidence, because when a girl loves herself, flaws and all, it allows others to fall in love with her, too. However, when she's full of insecurities, whether she realizes it or not, that shows through and functions as people repellant.
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Kristen Houghton
Author, Lifestyle Journalist, Humorist
12:56 PM on 12/09/2011
Really loving who you are and enjoying life has a positive effect on those with whom you come in contact.It enhances everything. We're all different and none of us should, or even want to, fit only one size-fits-all image of beauty. Thank you for commenting nix28