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10:28 AM on 03/16/2012
I've always felt that words from the Bible found in ephisians 5 are the best counciling for a marriage. "Wives, submit to your husbands". Before you ladies start slamming me, allow me to finish. Many men that go by this stop reading there and that is a big problem. They need to complete the whole verse. It goes on to say, "husbands, love your wives". I feel that if a man truly loves his wife he will be very careful in what he expects her to submit to. I also understand that many people fall into a marraige with a bad apple that wants it all one sided. Maybe more time is needed in dating before marraige or a close friends advice needs to be considered when they question the choice of their friend. I doubt chemicals have much if anything to do with it, just another excuse.
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Kingpleasure
Live for Pleasure
02:56 PM on 03/16/2012
Photosmoke: "I've always felt that words from the Bible found in ephisians 5 are the best counciling for a marriageWives, submit to your husbands..."husbands, love your wives""

Why can't husbands submit to the wife? Why is that submission only a one way thing? The definition of submit carries such negative connotations when it comes to a relationship. I certainly wouldn't want a relationship built on that mindset. I'd rather have a partnership built on the three C's. Cooperation, Compatibility, Compromise. I like mine better. Which is why I say women should not be religious. Religion is created by men (even the wording shows this), to control women in every aspect of their lives including marriage.

Definition of Submit: Accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.
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03:54 PM on 03/16/2012
You won't agree but, for anyone who follows the christian faith, God made man, then God made woman FOR man. As I said, if the man really loves his wife as he should, the submission won't be as if the man is lording over her with a whip, but will be like your idea with the three Cs coming from both directions. I'm sure if you talk to any woman in this type relationship you'll find she is very happy, IF the man is truly loving her and not abusing his power. That's where the problem is, abuse of power, look what it's done to politics etc. etc. etc.
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jwf67
10:23 AM on 03/16/2012
the fact that women who are "stay at home moms" get huge settlements, and men get screwed 99% of the time, doesn't help couples stay together.
10:47 AM on 03/16/2012
Reread your sentence and think about what you posted, it doesn't even make sense.
Further, at some point, the couple has to agree that the woman 'stays at home' *to rear the children*.
Maturity and shared, discussed goals are the key.

BTW, the average woman with children, when divorcing, does not get a "huge settlement" and all too often, men turn into deadbeat dads who only barely (if that) support the children they helped make.
99% of the time the man gets "screwed"? I call bull manure. Grow up, take responsibility and quit whining.
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jwf67
12:30 PM on 03/16/2012
don't know where you live, but in florida, it is. I just stated a simple fact, you really don't have to be rude.
10:57 AM on 03/16/2012
That's funny! I needed a laugh, thank you
10:12 AM on 03/16/2012
This article is comical at best, and certainly taken with a grain of salt. I am young(ish) 32, but have been married for 10 years. You know what my father told me when I got engaged? He told me that marriage is not a word, it is a job. And at this job you will continuously have to change your position to fit the needs of the job. You have to put the hours in an sometimes the pay does not seem good enough. And then sometimes you get an amazing "raise" that makes it all worth it.

You can blame it on whatever you like, growing apart, pills, parents but the fact of the matter is that if you do not take the time and energy to put the work in and grow together, then you had no business being married in the first place.

People divorce because it is easier then putting the work in, regarding the situations that the article suggests.
11:23 AM on 03/16/2012
Very nicely said, and so true.
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Kingpleasure
Live for Pleasure
03:03 PM on 03/16/2012
Shannon Semple Panyko: "People divorce because it is easier then putting the work in, regarding the situations that the article suggests. "

There is no cookie cutter one size fits all formula for why people divorce. People divorce for many, many reasons. You can't compare 'your marriage' to other people's marriages. Sometimes people have put the work in and divorce is a last resort. Sometimes divorce could occur for reasons such as abuse. What ever the reason, one can't assign one size fits all to other people's marriages and divorce. They just have to continue to do what works for 'their marriage'. I'm sure everybody's marriage works... until it no longer 'works.
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Llib Noswad
aka: Bill, Conservative
10:11 AM on 03/16/2012
"Plus, reality one-third of newlyweds live"

It was the small head talking?
10:06 AM on 03/16/2012
Although there are a lot of reasons why people split up, I believe the prime factor is lack of compatibility. There is a remedy: astrology. This has all been worked out a long time ago. Certain signs are compatible with each other...others are not. My best advice is to read your horoscope. Rick Levine is the best astrologer on the planet. He can tell you what sign is right for you and what one is not.
11:27 AM on 03/16/2012
Bahahahahahaha!!! ROTFL!!! You just made my day.
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Kingpleasure
Live for Pleasure
03:10 PM on 03/16/2012
discproductions; "Although there are a lot of reasons why people split up, I believe the prime factor is lack of compatibility. There is a remedy: astrology. This has all been worked out a long time ago. Certain signs are compatible with each othe"

Did that work for you? What do you say when two signs who are supposedly compatible end up getting a divorce?
10:05 AM on 03/16/2012
hey people get bored and move on
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11:38 AM on 03/16/2012
Nice
09:57 AM on 03/16/2012
If you're unsure about the person, DO NOT GET PREGNANT! Once you bring a child into the equation, it's not all about your feelings and your needs anymore. I was born outside of marriage and grew up without a father. It was not good and I strongly suggest that you not saddle your kids with this burden. As for living with a person before you marry them, you can learn all the important things about a person by spending time with them in different social situations but you must be honest with yourself and address any red flags that pop-up. If he or she is defensive or evasive about behavior(s) that make you uneasy, you can be sure that it is going to be a problem down the line!
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NOTSUPERMOM
A waste of a perfectly good Yale education
12:16 PM on 03/16/2012
Yup. Count me your first fan. :)
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Kimberly Rex
Resonance Repatterning,Life Coach, Therapist for
09:51 AM on 03/16/2012
Family patterns, beliefs and attitudes,as well as unmet underlying needs contribute to issues to personal and interpersonal health. I like that this article speaks to the neurochemistry involved, as well.
Here's a little more on the endorphin stress response issue: http://windowstotheheart.wordpress.com/2009/08/09/is-it-bliss-or-blast-from-the-past-how-to-empower-your-memory-for-greater-happiness/
Here's a little more on the health/relationship components: http://windowstotheheart.wordpress.com/2010/02/12/all-you-need-is-love/
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Louie Rey
09:50 AM on 03/16/2012
I did marry the wrong person the first time considering I was her husband #1 and at one time (and this is not a misprint) she was living with potential husband #4 under the same roof as husband #3. I rest my case. Incidentally, I've been HAPPILY married for FOUR years now to my second wife. We're going to be celebrating our 22nd anniversary this June! Only kidding, we are going to celebrating our 22nd anniversary this June but I've been happy with her for over 26 years.
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mimibrd
09:42 AM on 03/16/2012
A very good article I have always thought that .And it took me a long time before I said I do I'm 62 and have been married 7yr to a man who just turned 50 and we have our differences but I have always known that we are a product of our own family and never forgot my parents marriage and the issues they had,so I learned to take my time to commitment . There are ways of working things out between 2 people if there is understanding and willingness to give up some things compromise is very important.The love that you first found will be there if you are willing to work thing out together very important word TOGETHER.
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dancerctry
I love Gardening and Decorating
09:39 AM on 03/16/2012
Don't blame the pill on this one, sometimes dudes just get lazy with hygeine and smell because of new deoderant or lack of cleanliness.

"Our ideas about what adults behave like and what adult relationships look like were shaped by our parents -- our first teachers." Agreed my parents and my inlaws are stably married for over 40 years and my husband and I a going strong together for 13. If you don't have that example, it's harder to know how to have a healthy romantic relationship. My in-laws are bad with communication and that is an issue for me and my husband but he's improving with it and I have learned to understand the gaps. All of our fights (not an exaggeration) are from miscommunication but we love each other and work things out since that's important.

"If we truly want to avoid a partner who isn't right for us, we need to understand ourselves better. And that means delving into what we learned from our parents." -absolutely!
09:34 AM on 03/16/2012
First let say that there is no such thing as "unconditional love". Not being cynical.......it's a fact, unless, of course you're talking about your pet dog (which is GOD spelled backwards). Good and healthy interpersonal relationships are based on accepting and supporting the other person in their right to be who they are. To even suggest that problems begin, or are, exerbated by "plastics" or "chemicals" is ridiculous.

To base a marriage on sexual attraction rather than overall love and respect (for self as well as your chosen partner) is like trying to fill a bottomless glass, with water. I am not a religious person, but do beleive that the moral standards set forth by same, are correct in every sense of the WORD.
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mygailbaby
Am Everywoman not Superwoman.
09:50 AM on 03/16/2012
Great comment.
10:05 AM on 03/16/2012
Agree with everything but the undconditional love comment. I do not believe there is unconditional love when it comes to spouses, however, I do know ( for me anyhow) that I have complete and unconditional love for my children.
11:37 AM on 03/16/2012
I have to disagree with you on this one. Why do yo think unconditional love can not apply to a spouse? I been married over 30 years. A good part of it in the military. You better have unconditional love for your spouse and your spouse for you, if you are ever struck with a major tragedy in your life. Especially in the military, spouses come back home from war disabled a shadow of their former self when struckling with TBI, PTSD, and so on. Major disabilities that will last the rest of their lives and change a marrige for ever. Thankfully we always had unconditional love or we would have never made it through this. I hope you will have it should tragedy ever strike your home.
09:33 AM on 03/16/2012
There are no longer any societal constraints. This is perceived as a good thing. Maybe it's not.
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mygailbaby
Am Everywoman not Superwoman.
09:53 AM on 03/16/2012
You are right, if there were still those constraints that used to be, then most of us would "learn to love the one we are with".
09:33 AM on 03/16/2012
I agree with most you say. But you left out another reason for divorce. Pure, EVIL. I will not bore people w/specifics. These people can't be rehabilitated and ARE NOT marriage material!
09:32 AM on 03/16/2012
This article makes me want to scream! Citing a reason for divorce as stupid as being on the pill and not liking the way your mate smells is so ridiculous it's laughable. Here's a tidbit...why not actually stick through your marriage. I promise you there will be ups and downs and even days that you wish you never married the person you did. But staying committed has countless rewards for both parties. It's too bad that in our society, people don't have the values that will ensure their security and well-being. Everyone is constantly on the look-out for something better. Look to yourself and be the best person you can be and if your partner does the same, then it's a win-win.
10:23 AM on 03/16/2012
I guess you like the way he smells. You can say all you want, but there are other factors such as those in the article that make you NOT want to get through the ups and downs; make you NOT care about being committed; make your values non-conpatible. It has NOTHING to do with values or commitment. It just dosen't work no matter how hard both of you try. The sex is gone, it will never come back. Now, what do you do about that? Live the rest of your life not wanting to have sex with each other? It is not a matter of looking for something better. It is a matter of not being in a relationship that is detrimental to both parties and letting them get on with their lives to find someone they like the "smell" of and be committed to and care enough about to weather the ups and downs.
10:58 AM on 03/16/2012
I think that you both are right... I belive that when you enter marriage you have to fight for it, tooth and nail, but after doing so and you know yourself and him, it may be best to let go.. But it has to be after you've given it everything, including counseling.. There is nothing wrong with finally chosing yourself and your happiness --- that may mean divorcing your husband.