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09:34 AM on 05/13/2012
I am my 20-something son's parent not his friend. We have always had a warm, open, loving and caring relationship and would do anything for each other. But, I'm his mom not his friend. His friends do things with him that I would never do or want to---I don't want my son asking me to go workout at the gym with him or to catch a few beers with him at the bar anymore than I wanted to go skateboarding with him when he was in his teens or dirtbiking. These are things you enjoy with your friends. He, also, confides things in his friends that I really don't care to hear like---the big knockers on a girl that just walked by or which girl he's dated is better in the sack. These are things you share with friends not your parent. I, also, would never discuss my sex life with my son like I would with one of my friends. A parent can definitely have a friendly relationship with their child but realisticly, you're not really friends.
11:26 AM on 05/13/2012
so true. And too many parents do not understand this.
- Great comments, sugarcreekchile, on how to be a Parent yet still have a close relationship with your child and NOT be their Friend! You are the Parent!
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ehleonardh
09:28 AM on 05/13/2012
My sister-in-law is "friends" with her two children, now adults, with children of their own. My sister-in-law is a built in babysitter, she makes every effort to "go along" with whatever her adult children want, all vacations are planned with only her children although the children go off on their own at times. My sister-in-law makes every effort to keep up with all of the new things her children want and do. My sister-in-law has no outsides activities or friends. Life completely revolves around her children. No one is allowed to criticize her children or grandchildren or even make a comment about them unless it is one of praise. My sister-in-law is afraid of growing old, thus her desire to only be with those who are younger than she.
09:55 AM on 05/13/2012
Sad, is all I can say. She's missing out on her life and spending time with "other" people. She needs to get a life big time.
11:27 AM on 05/13/2012
so sad that she did not Learn to be their Parent and NOT their friend. She needs a life of her own!
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Knot MaFawlt
Intelligent life on Earth? Prove it.
09:19 AM on 05/13/2012
Lots of comments here parroting the correct words; I wonder how many parents actually follow through? Whenever I'm out & about, all I see are kids who are in charge. I sincerely hope I've just been there at a bad day.
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09:19 AM on 05/13/2012
To Nicole, my daughter, my only child.....

You and I were friends, a very rare emotional connection between a parent and child.

Since you have passed, (October 28, 2011), and are now the angel that you are.

I can always feel at peace that we had a wonderful friendship.

To whom chooses to do so, Thank you for reading this.

Pamela S

Andrea Autumn Nicole Leclaire, my daughter
09/23/87 - 10/28/11 An Angel in Heaven now
God blesses you everyday, sweet Nicole
Iknewagirlnamednikki...................
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Knot MaFawlt
Intelligent life on Earth? Prove it.
09:16 AM on 05/13/2012
If you and your little kids are friends who is is charge? The kids are, DUH! The time to be friends is when your kids have grown and learned from the important life lessons that you taught them. (Or do you even know what they are?)
11:29 AM on 05/13/2012
so very true. parents try to be their kids' 'friend' instead of their parent AND the kids use this to get their way - and many times - the one who is in charge!
- Too many kids like that today - a lot because their moms were just kids when they had kids...
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Sprinks678
Have I said too much? Probably.
08:46 AM on 05/13/2012
My adult daughters and I are wonderful friends. However, this was an evolving relationship. When they were children they knew I was the one they could always come to and count on for everything. While we were definitely "friends" when they were little, they knew I was the one in charge. We're a different kind of friend to one another now that they are actually adults and not in need of discipline.
berrygal66
Recovering Liberal, Proud Independent!
09:23 AM on 05/13/2012
And this is the way that it should be. Job well done!
11:31 AM on 05/13/2012
Because you were their Parent when they were growing up and they knew they could come to you with their problems, etc. - sounds a lot like you were a friend in these instances But you were really their Parent.
08:36 AM on 05/13/2012
I am mother, friend, disciplinarian, all of the above. My kids (older now 22, 17, 16, 15) have ALWAYS known that, if they EVER need to talk about ANYTHING, I will be there to listen, be a shoulder to cry on, be their number 1 supporter, but they are also aware that, what I say goes!
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08:26 AM on 05/13/2012
a parent sets limits and makes rules. it would be hard to be best friends with someone that limits your activities, even if you know its the best thing for your safety. take care of role modeling and limit setting and then see about the friendship.
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tendril
imperfect at best and proud of it
04:30 PM on 05/12/2012
The question really isn't can mother and daughters be friends, because "friend" is too loose a term. If by friend we mean confidante and supporter I am fine with that. Parents (fathers too), however, are not peers. Parents have more responsibility, should be more wise, have more of a duty to lead, and definitely not a child's equal. Every strong, loving relationship has certain boundaries and parameters. I agree with the spirit of the article. The author is sensitive and insightful. I do not agree with how some parents refuse to step in and do the hard work of parenting which includes, from time to time, setting limits and invoking their authority and ultimately disappointing their kids. There is crossover between friend and parent, to be sure, but the overlap is not as broad as people who often claim to be their child's "friend" think it is.
12:35 AM on 05/13/2012
i definitely agree with you ... i actually wanted to post my comments on the same lines of thought as yours.
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08:17 AM on 05/13/2012
I agree with every word of your post. Friends with your kids as we describe or think about the word friends, it's a no.

friend/frend/

Noun

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
09:11 AM on 05/13/2012
As long as that is the working definition I am 100 % for befriending my children. As long as the "friendship" does not interfer with the rules.
As a teacher and a mother I have learned one unshakable truth. The will test you, and if they find they can they will step over the limits.
I love my my children with all my heart... They are my life above almost everything in my live. They come to me and my husband, and I have worked very hard to set up a comfortable enviornment for them to discuss whatever (sex, drugs, bullies, ghosts, kissing, whatever) I do not consider this being their friend... I consider it part of the job of being a mother.