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11:53 PM on 06/25/2012
Come back when you have a second child (or more), when they take turns getting sick for 2 months straight, when school events and extracurricular activities demand your days, evenings and weekends and when teenage angst requires your presence and cannot be delegated to a nanny. Perhaps it can be done. Your situation sounds flexible enough to possibly accommodate it. But you need more than 6 months under your belt to presume to tell anyone "what it takes".
The unexamined life is not worth living.
11:50 PM on 06/25/2012
The problem is "having it all" is a floating signifier - more simply put, it means different things to different people. In my book it's an impossibility, because "it all" includes quality as well as quantity. You can't have the perfect looks, the perfect intellect, the perfect sense of humor, the perfect spouse, the perfect income, the perfect house, the perfect friends, the perfect family, etc. etc. Contentedness, to me, is more important than some kind of unreasonable expectation of well-being that hinges on what one HAS.
el sueno de la razon produce republicans
01:02 AM on 06/26/2012
too many people like word games with the meaning stripped from the word, and they they pretend destruction is evolution. so lets all have it all, because we can. at the base of it is usually the same thing -- a person that thinks they know everything. we are all supposed to follow Ms Kamenetz's 4 step plan and then we can have it all too.
11:45 PM on 06/25/2012
I appreciate your article. I think that the original article somehow assumes that it is a given women to worry more over their kids and do unequal share of parenting. this isn't any more natural than it was for women to stay in bed during their period. it's really up to women to let go and for men to step up.
11:38 PM on 06/25/2012
"To each his own"

having it all is subjective, and though we as Americans have been taught to think that means XYZ, that does not make it so.

If your happy and feel fulfilled than maybe you do have it all.
11:12 PM on 06/25/2012
Ms. Kamenetz, your caveats kill your thesis.
Allena Tapia
Follow me on Twitter @allenat
12:38 AM on 06/26/2012
marriage & motherhood with mirth and grace
10:52 PM on 06/25/2012
Get back to us in 6 months when the baby is crawling, or at 15 months when the baby is walking or running. Or about in 6 years when the school schedule comes into play. It's working for you for now. And that's about all you can say about it.
01:06 AM on 06/26/2012
Or when the baby screams like crazy when you leave the room or develops a mommy preference at fifteen months - or you have another child. It is early days yet. Good luck.
10:48 PM on 06/25/2012
"real 21st century dad"? huh. I was like that in the 70's. Your comment is ill informed.

Besides--having a child isn't necessarily all that responsible, is it? Believe me, they'll wish you hadn't.
Business exists to benefit MANKIND, MANKIND does N
10:47 PM on 06/25/2012
Not to be harsh...but there are plenty of women who are well educated that don't have a good employer. Or who have husbands that don't have good employers. As such, the MONEY aspect is really the biggest reason WHY you can have the life you do.

YOU are very, VERY, VERY lucky...and you need to acknowledge that fact, and for you and your family that is very fortuitous.

However, especially today, when so many are suffering so badly financially and so many mother's are struggling; while working 50 hours plus a week and running ragged to put food on the table while trying to give love and care to their children, without help, mind you, perhaps you should be more sensitive and empathetic to the plight of the MAJORITY of other mother's who don't have the same advantages.

So instead of writing this "pat myself" on the back "feel good about myself" piece, that attempts to justify the LUCK you have had, perhaps YOU should use your pulpit and influence as a writer to make a substantial difference and truly bring voice to those who aren't as fortunate,

(FYI, I noticed YOU did mention in passing some of the reasons for the disparity...and attempted to give credence to the difficulty of those without the advantages ...but you played it down too much and played up your advantages too much...just sayin')
10:38 PM on 06/25/2012
"having it all" is a point of view. I have always "had it all" I had a great marriage, a wonderful husband, (he died in 2011) the best kids and now wonderful grandchildren and the very best friends.
I have done volunteer work, danced/traveled with a fantastic dance company, do PR and Em Cee work and live in the most beautiful spot on the planet with wonderful neighbors. I never worked outside the home. I was able to stay home with my children. I know other women who have "it all". They have great lives. Some with husbands and children, some with out husbands, some without children and some working outside the home. Life is what you make it. I do what works for me and others should do what works for them and none of us should judge the other.
10:20 PM on 06/25/2012
Leaving your baby with your nanny is not parenting. So you really aren't "doing it all"
Paul Is Right
11:07 PM on 06/25/2012
Absolutely right. When the child calls the nanny "mommy," she will finally understand.
12:15 AM on 06/26/2012
10:03 PM on 06/25/2012
I wrote my monthly personal finance column.... played with the baby, made dinner, gave the baby a bath and put her to bed, had dinner and CONNECTED WITH MY HUSBAND......

Wow ! How romantic is that??!!.
And old is the nanny?
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Peace on Earth is Possible
09:41 PM on 06/25/2012
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09:36 PM on 06/25/2012
You don't know squat about what having it all really means. Your overwhelming characteristics are conceit and arrogance.
Recovering Jedi
09:00 PM on 06/25/2012
Look at all the times the author uses the word "I" and even begins a sentence or paragraph with it. Says it all.
01:58 AM on 06/26/2012
It shrieks 'I' more than than Shillery Clinton.
08:59 PM on 06/25/2012
Of course you can't have it all. You don't have it all. No one does. Men certainly never did. Remember that "Cat's in the Cradle" song by Harry Chapin? Sadly, that song could just as easily be sung today by a mother as by a father.
And please remember: jobs are replaceable. Husbands are replaceable. But not one single day in your baby's first year is replaceable. If you can be there, be there. And for god's sake, slow down! I got exhausted just reading your article.