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01:14 PM on 09/30/2012
I was bullied in elementary school. I was a 'smart kid' - I read far more books than anyone else in 5th grade, so I became a target. My parents, or at least my mother, tried talking to the boys' parents and that seemed to help. Developing a good verbal come-back was a good tactic. If I could make other kids laugh at the bullies, the bullies tended to back off. And I bullied, or tried to, a boy who seemed to be a target of others. Once he came over and hit me in the arm, hard. I never bothered him again. So, I think it's a variety of things that can help. Sometimes it's a physical act that gets the message across. Yes, I do believe that sometimes it is o.k. to hit back. A bully who doesn't get hit back doesn't know what it feels like to be hit and know that they have it coming. And I do have to wonder, do those kids who start taking martial arts training at the age of 5 get bullied? I'd really love to know.
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Darryl Bartlett
01:14 PM on 09/30/2012
90% of all kids are bullied , thats a fact. Kids call each other names, pull ponytails, flick boogers on each other. Like the old saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You can't shelter them forever.
02:58 PM on 09/30/2012
LOL..OR..... What doesn't kill us makes us weaker and kills us later!
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Nan9
Nostalgia is not like it used to be!
01:14 PM on 09/30/2012
I've always said, the punishment should be given to the parents or guardians of the children who bully. Children learn most of their behavior at home! Most likely, some are bullied at home, themselves by other sibliings or parents or witness it.

I was bullied as a child by other children and I know all too well, how painful it is and how disruptive it is to your school work and school experience. Today, it is even worse and starts at an even younger, age. I'm in my late 50's and can still close my eyes and see the faces of some of my early bullies and remember the pain and can't help wonder where those lost souls are today. Did they ever grow up? Did the pain they were feeling, ever end? For those who do that, need more help then those they are bullying. So, the teachers and schools and parents DO need to get involved and stop pretending it will go away. There needs to be outlined steps for parents to take to stop it right away and children should know how to best handle it before it escalates into more. If, for starters, the parents of the bullies were made to take so many classes with their children after school, missing time from their jobs, etc., to learn how to correct this type of behavior in their children, maybe they would pay more attention to their children's, actions and needs.
01:11 PM on 09/30/2012
I HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO WAS BEEN BULLIED IN SCHOOL BUT SHE NEVER TALJKED ABOUT IT UNTIL ONEDAY MY SON ASKED HER WHAT WAS WRONG AND THATS WHEN SHE TOLD IT ALL SO ME BEING THE PARENT THAT I AM I IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE SCHOOL AND DEMANDED PARENT MEETINGS AND EVEN GOT THE POLICE INVOLVED ,OUR KIDS SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO TO SCHOOL WITHOUT BEING TORTURED BY FELLOW CLASSMATES IF WE AS PARENTS DONT STAND GROUNDS ON THIS ONGOING PROBLEM ITS NEVER GONNA STOP OUR CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE IN FEAR OF GOING TO SCHOOL
01:03 PM on 09/30/2012
What is wrong with people today? When I started school in the mid 1940's and through HS in the mid 1950's there was always someone who was bullied to some degree (including me), but people didn't commit suicide or kill someone and blame it on being bullied. It was somewhat like the survival of the fittest. I don't know of anyone who suffered irrepairable damage. I think today's children are over-protected by parents, and consequently, the children don't know how to cope with real life situations. When someone got into a fight, the winner felt good and the loser forgot about. You were friends within hours. Not so today. There is another component of bullying that the so-called experts have yet to discover. I think it is the "meism society" that has contributed much to the way people act and react. The digital age is making it worse by allowing people to say things that they wouldn't dare say face to face. Maybe kids should learn how to become socially involved with one another. Oh well, what do I know, I'm an old man. But, I had fun growing up, bullies and all.
01:01 PM on 09/30/2012
I know whats shes going throught,because my grandchild tried to commit suicide from this action, The school labeled her as a bad kid,but did nothing to help, until one of the teachers son commited suicide.
I even had to get 3 polygraphs done because of the actuation at school. To prove them wrong. She has since graduated this june. She is going to bring charges against the school, for what they put her throught. As for family they want nothing to do with her, but the old saying "What goes around, comes around
01:00 PM on 09/30/2012
My dad said to try to avoid them, but if they pressed the issue, punch them as hard as you can right in the face. I got beat up a few times but they learned to leave me alone. Today I would have been labeled a violent person, and probably expelled from school. Now we have to be all warm and fuzzy and the bullies just keep on keeping on becasue there is no true penalty until they physically hurt some one really badly. All this stuff about cyber bullying, glad I did not have to deal with it - its only one facet of the problems associated with computers and smart phones.
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Eddye
01:25 PM on 09/30/2012
I know what you went through. I am 68 yrs and I can remember my mother telling my sister and I to just hit them as hard as we could, then to run home as fast as we could. The teachers were no better, my mother had to confront this teacher when I was in 2nd grade, for she had spanked me. When I showed my mother her hand print on my legs, she went to the school and I can remember her telling the teacher, that "she could beat on any of the children she wanted, but she better not hit me again." I did notice that the teacher would appear in the next classes and whisper to the teachers and point in my direction. But, I never was hit again, they got back at me by always letting me be a teacher helper, which did not sit too well with the other children, so I ran home a great deal of the time. Oh I can tell you stories, but this was in 1950's nothing change, some of the adults still act the same as they did during those years, people don't change, so you have change yourself and survive.
02:14 PM on 09/30/2012
I am older than you, and had a dad who was tough. Not mean, but incredibly strong and physically tough. His philosophy about kids growing up was that if you arrived at adulthood without scars, broken bones and maybe a missing tooth or two, you probably did not grow up in the real world. He laughed at safety wheels. Would have scoffed at bicycle helmets. I never lost a tooth but did get some broken and all the scars and breaks that I earned. I was small for my age but pretty strong and if you wont quit, even bullies will finally decide its too hard to mess with you. As I said, today I probably would have been kicked out for being violent - you are just not supposed to stand up for yourself -- you have to call the nanny state.
01:32 PM on 09/30/2012
In middle school my son didn't want to push/hit etc. back because the school policy was both parties would get expelled. So, after talking to administrators (this was before the days they HAD to stop it or be sued) and getting nowhere, and after his home room teacher said, "Oh, the other kids respect and admire your son," he just never went back. Not for one day.
02:18 PM on 09/30/2012
So what did he learn and what happened next? I don't think letting the bullies win and don't think my sons learned a good lesson by just looking for a different school or deciding to home school. When the kids in one school were forced to change due to a facility closing, the local bully accosted my oldest. Tried to push him around. My boy grabbed him, shoved his head in a locker and slammed the door on his head a few times. He got a three day suspension but the new school decided to leave the new kids alone!
12:59 PM on 09/30/2012
In the few responses I have read here I find something extremely disturbing. Why is it someone else's responsibility to deal with bullies? Teach your children to defend themselves. Bullies are cowards who bully kids they think they can beat. Our society is allowing this to happen. Teach your children to FIGHT BACK. Teach them that they ALWAYS have the right to defend themselves no matter what or where. If a bully pushes, knock him down. I taught my children this at an early age and they were not bullied because the bullies were afraid of them and left them alone. I saw this was true when I was in grade school and passed it on to my children. They are now all responsible, successful adults with out the scars of being bullied.
02:52 PM on 09/30/2012
So you created your own bullies? My kids are told that if someone attacks them, they can defend themselves but if at all possible, don't fight back. If a bully pushes you, you want them to FIGHT back? The rules in schools these days don't allow for that, unfortunately.... Maybe, kids should be taught to SHUT UP and keep their opinions to themselves. People who are short, tall, fat, thing, ugly, beautiful should not be made to feel like targets because SOME parents can't teach their kids right from wrong.
05:15 PM on 09/30/2012
So, you are telling your children to accept mistreatment and hope it will stop?
12:51 PM on 09/30/2012
The very first day my child got upset about going to school, that would be their last day there. Period. There has got to be a reason for a child's school refusal. Parents should never think something is wrong with their kid, or force them to conform to the "norm" (which, as we can clearly see, is not that "normal"). Think instead of respecting your child, and seeing the SYSTEM as broken--NOT your kid. The very day two of my kids told me about things that had happened in their schools, they were OUT. Period. End of story. No one gets to do that to my kids under the guise of education or "authority". Happy homeschool family here!
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Abel Ferrell
12:46 PM on 09/30/2012
Parents never cease to make me laugh with how predictably boring they all are. It's like you all share a hive mind.
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Middle Class Majority
Watching America's Decline
12:44 PM on 09/30/2012
When I was in 5th grade we moved to a new town. A huge kid in my class had everyone bullied. He picked me for special treatment and after a couple of weeks of this I confronted him in front of the school and gave him a beat down. He was a complete coward and even though he probably weighed twice as much as me the surprised look he had as I sat on top of him punching his face is forever ingrained in my mind. After that day he never bullied any of the kids and moved away the next year. Tell your kids to fight back.
12:38 PM on 09/30/2012
One thing we should do.......It would help the kids, promote jobs.......Have security in all schools......

My high school we had two; which prevented Many incidents.......Mainly abuse.......too drugs etc

May Peace be with Us
12:34 PM on 09/30/2012
I'm 60 years old and when I was in school kids weren't killing themselfs at the rate they are today. Kids now days aren't taught and showed how to deal with everyday problems or issues. Like the artical said all the kids today get the trophy, give me a break, don't want to disappoint the child. The movement to stop bullying is a joke, put two fish in a bowl, one is a bully, two weeds in a garden, one's a bully. That's life, start teaching it. Start by teaching how to deal with disapointments and everyday challanges and that you don't win every time, that it is someones else's birthday at school and that they get noticed not everyone else. So when they face a problem they don't kill themselfs because they don't know how to deal with it.
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Scholastica8
RINOS & Bull-Mooses UNITE! People Matter!
01:12 PM on 09/30/2012
The Internet can make bullying round the clock, and that's bad. However, I see my younger friends, particularly those who became mothers at 40, do everything possible to smooth their child's way, to make them feel special. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with that. However, when the child faces difficulities, it's a total shock. Somebody doesn't like them! OMG! You mean I don't win a prize for finishing last? I did the test! Yes, but you got every answer wrong.

I have business friends who complain about their young employees. They work their scheduled number of hours and expect a prize. They expect to be praised for everything they do, even if it is their job to do it. They don't know how to handle abraisive co-workers and customers. If the boss gets abrupt and short-tempered, it's bullying.

One friend has a daughter who went thru all the tantrums, etc. Mom was sure she was being bullied. It turned out that her best friend had found a new best friend. It happens... and at that age, when it happens for the 1st time, it hurts like hell.... but it won't be the last time it happens.
01:48 PM on 09/30/2012
You are right about the internet. It's as bad as it is good. Now, about the young employees of your business friends. Everybody likes and wants praise. Sure, you are getting paid to do a job. You should do it. But complimenting or praising someone will go a long way towards making that person better. A parent telling a child they did a good job will equate to one happy kid. A wife complimenting a husband on something he did will equate to a happy husband (and visa versa). A boss telling their employee that they did a good job, even though they were paid to do it, will equate to a better employee. A paycheck is good, knowing you are appreciated is better sometimes. And if your child is bullied at school and you can't do anything about it, take your kid out of that school and homeschool them.
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Eddye
01:31 PM on 09/30/2012
Have you forgotten? I can remember in the 1950s children were shooting and killing each other, just as they are doing today. The problem we have today it with the speed that news travel, back then we didn't hear about what was going on in the next county let alone the next state, but today, we have repeat and more repeat of the news. But, don't fool yourself, go to your lilbrary and pull of some of those news items from around the country and read what was going on in the 1920s 30s, 40, 50, and so on, it has not stopped or changed. Nothing changes, there is nothing new, we just keep repeating the same things over and over
05:16 PM on 09/30/2012
Agree.
05:27 PM on 09/30/2012
I didn't say kids killing each other. I said killing themselves. There are different reasons for both. If you look up stats for killing themselves you'll see a difference.
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MelissaGoldman
One moment in time--RIP Whitney
12:34 PM on 09/30/2012
I am a firm believer that there is a reason certain kids get targeted...NOT because there is something wrong with them but rather, there is some self doubt or some weakness they have and other kids smell that from a mile away the way sharks smell blood. And unfortunately, the reality is that kids are hurting more and more these days with problems at home, psychological problems, etc, and they see hurting other kids as the solution. School is just a place for childhood angst nowadays.
I'm not a fan of homeschooling so that would never be a solution for me. But I do think that kids have to learn to stand up for themselves because I've witnessed plenty of bullying from grownups. Mean girls don't just become nice after they turn 18 and certainly not after they turn 30 either. Adults have even more problems and even more reasons to take them out on someone they perceive to be an easy target. So it's important to teach our kids to deal with mean people rather than homeschool them and thereby teach them to run from the situation.
I say enroll your kids in karate so they can learn confidence, discipline, and self defense. Bullies only prey on the weak, whether it be a physical or psychological weakness. Teach your child strength so that s/he is not the victim of a bully.
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Scholastica8
RINOS & Bull-Mooses UNITE! People Matter!
01:19 PM on 09/30/2012
My 1 piece of advice: Split your kids' lives into compartments. School is school with one set of friends.... don't let their whole lives revolve around 1 set of kids. I have friends whose children started with play-dates as toddlers... same group.... go to the same pre-school... go to same school..... socialize with each other after school hours.

That used to be how life worked. But, there was a big difference. All the parents really knew each other... and really knew the kids. The parents knew who the bully was. Now, it's a competition between parents even when they take the time to be involved in the kids lives. I think that if you look deeply, you'll see that the bullies tend to be the kids of the most competitive parents.

I was bullied at school, because I was both the youngest and the smallest in my classes.... but I had other places to go, other friends. My mother had nothing to do with the other mothers at school. My real world was the golf course... school was only that other place I had to go for 7 or 8 hours a day. After a while, the bullies caught on that I didn't give a damn what anyone was saying or doing. They were off my radar.