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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
declutterbug51
10:33 AM on 10/23/2012
Absolutely EXCELLENT idea!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
declutterbug51
10:33 AM on 10/23/2012
EXCELLENT idea!
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
08:49 AM on 10/23/2012
The blogger engages in stereotyping. Fathers are more involved with their children than ever. However as Pew Research's "A Tale of Two Fathers" shows, those twice-monthly overnight visits take a toll on the noncustodial parent's (typically the father) ability to maintain a close relationship with their children. While the state engages in heavy handed efforts to collect child support from fathers, even if unemployed in the worst recession in 80 years; maternal interference in child visitation goes unenforced.
01:18 AM on 10/23/2012
The title to this post is a joke, right?

This isn't even a dirty trick.

The dirty tricks that divorce lawyers ACTUALLY do in a divorce case are nothing like this.

Divorce lawyers do tricks on their OWN clients that are far worse than this "trick".

The divorce lawyers work together AGAINST the clients once they get their hands on a divorce case where there are assets to bill.

Then they blame the clients.

Divorce is one of the largest undrained cesspools you will find in the legal system.

Divorce lawyers are toxic to your children.
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cworr
welfare is not a career opportunity
01:26 PM on 10/24/2012
Absolutely! You are all over it! I hate all divorce lawyers, even my own. They are the worst humanity has to offer. My ex-wife's lawyer told her to file restraining orders and an EPO against me because it would make me look bad to the judge. (I never ever did anything violent to her or the children, it was just for show). About a year later, she admitted this to me and apologized. She also told me that the same lawyer had many other suggestions that she said were so bad that even she refused to go along with them. (this from a woman who despises me) Three years later, I am in Iraq in a custody battle with the same ex-wife. I am engaged to be married to another woman. While I am in Iraq, my fiancee breaks off our relationship and starts a relationship with MY own lawyer. He is billing me $5-6K a month while he is sleeping with my fiancee!!! I don't find out until I come home. I swear you can't make this stuff up!
04:24 PM on 10/26/2012
I say this with all sincerity......you really need to remain single.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Anne Mccormick
01:05 AM on 10/23/2012
and then watch the father turn around and demand a DNA test to make sure it's actually his kid.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Yellowcab
100 % Cotton
01:58 AM on 10/23/2012
Which 30% of the time it isn't.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Anne Mccormick
02:22 AM on 10/23/2012
so i've been told.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lissy0625
Love is always the answer.
11:51 PM on 10/22/2012
That's assuming BOTH of the parents actually care about their children (what's good for them, etc) and not how much money they can get or how they can screw over their ex. Sad that so many people let their anger take over and move into the #1 spot that should be filled with caring about their kids and doing whatever it takes to make their kids' lives easier.
01:52 PM on 10/23/2012
You try to let go of the anger. Then your young children tell you that they found mom's boyfriend passed out drunk, naked, in your former bed in your former home. And, just like that, anger moves back into the #1 spot.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lissy0625
Love is always the answer.
06:47 PM on 10/23/2012
I think it's natural to be angry at that! Or angry period. I would say your kids' mom is not putting her children first, which leads right back up to my first comment. My original point (which I didn't state very well) was it doesn't do any good to make a scrapbook like the author suggested if your ex CAN'T put their children first.
08:28 PM on 10/22/2012
The author of this article wrote a book titled "Making Divorce Work?" Really? Work for who? Oh, that's right, the divorce attorneys. Every man entering a custody battle needs to read this article to know what he's up against. After your children have been taken from you based on lies and treachery, you can page through a photo album to see everything you've missed by not being allowed to parent them. A divorce attorney will think this is an appropriate and effective emotional tool to get results for her client. Welcome to family court. I hope this article at HuffPost gets more publicity than what it's seen thus far.
12:13 AM on 10/23/2012
Or, perhaps the article will highlight the sometimes guerilla tactics parents have to use to extract money from a child's deadbeat dad, in order to help pay for his/her life and activities. Yes, welcome to the real world of manipulative ex-husband's, who will fight tooth and nail to give their children a better life.
12:55 AM on 10/23/2012
Of perhaps it's simply another way to try and wring more money. I know a guy whose ex is a total expletive. She works part-time minimum-wage (they have 50/50 custody, and she has a bachelor's degree mind you) and takes 25% of his check for child support and another 15% for "maintenance" (for another 6 years, then she might have to work hard). She lives in the house he bought before the marriage, and had 15 left on a 25 year mortgage. Poor little her, she cries as she takes him to court for more money. For the child, of course.
01:31 AM on 10/23/2012
Why is it that you need to have a "manipulative ex-husband" pay you anything?

Sorry that you didn't get as much money as you wanted.

But admit that you are about the money and not about the well-being of your children.

If you were about your children having a better life, you would find a way to have their father in their lives on an equal basis regardless of how much money you get from him.

Divorce is the time where bad mothers get to show themselves.

The bad mothers want the kids because they want the money and do just about any nasty deceptive thing they can do to get the kids.

The good mothers want the kids to have a better life which means that they have a life with both divorced parents.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Chamise to my friends
07:52 PM on 10/22/2012
Why should he/she pay if you are breaking the marriage? No offense to you losers who get divorced when you have kids, but now you are running two households. You should have thought about ALL of those things before you decided to get knocked up without being sure in your marriage. The fact is, after divorce, not many people can keep affording those activities. So you both screwed your kid when you failed to make a marriage work. If you tried HALF as hard in your marriage as this lawyer wants you to work at divorce, you have to wonder if you would be getting divorced at all!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Yellowcab
100 % Cotton
02:06 AM on 10/23/2012
It's not always BOTH to blame. My son in law came home from Iraq to fine his wife pregnant and ready to move on with another man.

SHE calls ALL the shots because she's "an oppressed women".

He moved on as well, and now his kids have to accept WIC after she took him back to court so she could buy an expensive new car. YOUR tax dollars keep those children from going hungry while HE pays for her new Escalade. IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN don'tchaknow.
05:38 PM on 10/22/2012
I generally don't go for things that are this manipulative, which is probably why I'm not a divorce attorney. If this were my attorney I probably would not take her advice just because it would force me to be someone I'm not. Also, while the author says that it's not a big deal, people aren't stupid; I believe everyone in the courtroom would recognize what is going on. Both parents should share expenses, just go about it the right way; this is just games.
05:33 PM on 10/22/2012
Why is there a carve out for extra-curricular activities on top of child support? Write into your divorce agreement that you will only pay for extra-curricular activities that you mutually agree upon. Football fees, sure. Ski equipment for a ski weekend with her boyfriend, nope. Cheering fees, yep. A fancy away summer camp that infringes on your time with your daughter, nope. In many cases, moms pile on the activities out of guilt for no longer being able to keep up with the "married Joneses." Don't fall for it. I prefer having a say. And putting that "extra" money into college savings for my kids. Did your parents pay for everything you wanted to do? Or did they send you outside to find something to do until dinner. (and I understand "times have changed"). A pickup game of stickball or hoops, builds character.
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Vicky Hayes
"Seize the Day."
04:37 PM on 10/22/2012
Some people feel that after a divorce that they should celebrate. I was to overjoyed and thanking God that I got rid of a abuser, looser, and womanizer that alone was enough just being able to breath after 20 years is the best thing that could have ever happened. I still look back at my ex and can't beleive that I ever hooked up with him what was I thinking although I have a wonderful son and grandchildren.
02:12 AM on 10/23/2012
... don't forget the money also.
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suzymiller
Divorce in a Box - staying out of court
03:45 PM on 10/22/2012
The visual IS very powerful. Which is why I increasingly include videos of parents talking about how they co-parent post breakup in positive ways in my Divorce in a Box stay-out-of-court resource. It's much more real when you see it 'in the flesh' or in images. It's harder to mess up your kids during divorce if you are emotionally connected to the consequences of your actions - instead of disconnecting and thinking about the money.
03:05 PM on 10/22/2012
While it's great that some exes can be "best friends" (and I use that term very loosely), most divorced couples aren't that fortunate, at least not in the beginning. I think this is a great way to ease tension and opens the door to have a productive conversation. Yes, it may be perceived as manipulative or deceitful however, can you reaaaallly argue with a package focused solely on your beautiful child? I don't think so. Great article!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mkelly534
In Congress no one can hear you scream
04:17 PM on 10/22/2012
It is sneaky but also a gift. It gives a chance to remember how happy you were with that child when he (she) were born and how he or she is above the grown up squabbling that the husband and wife are engaged in. An excellent opportunity for personal growth as well as the chance to say you really contributed to that childs happiness.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Yellowcab
100 % Cotton
02:11 AM on 10/23/2012
What if you have other children to focus on? Second family children are practically "worthless" , $75.00, compared to the first child's $1,000.00.

Maybe teaching your child to live within your means and not regard Daddy as a money tree to shake down would make your "beautiful child" a better person.
02:32 PM on 10/22/2012
That might work with a young man but not with a warhorse. Men know that money/wealth is the thing. Better to show how to use the tax code to make a win-win victory for the participants and a lose for the greedy governmental entities.
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02:16 PM on 10/22/2012
I found it was so much easier to just give her everything I could think of. It was only money; will just have to work more overtime. And yet, when she consulted with an attorney (she REFUSED to participate in ANY of the settlement issues) the attorney said that my offer seemed fair but that she could ruin me financially if my ex wanted that. My ex said no, (to be fair, she will be a multimillionaire when her parents pass) but still maintains to this day that I cheated her. Just wish she had left when the house was worth more. LOL
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ravenslvr
No point replying back, I won't read it
04:06 PM on 10/22/2012
That is EXACTLY what is happening to my friend. His x wants more and more, but she isn't due anything becasue she stole 110k while he was deployed and put it in her bank account alone. Yet he has to pay her interim fees and everyhting bc she quit her job.