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11:14 PM on 12/10/2012
This article fascinates me. Never been married, and all of a sudden I'm not terrified.
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abbienormal
What hump?
10:04 AM on 12/11/2012
Slow down. There are lots of reasons to be terrified of marriage. It is a legal contract that should be given all the serious consideration of any other legal contract, such as buying a house and signing a mortgage or taking on a business partner.
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SheilaKhani
normal is an illusion
10:40 AM on 12/11/2012
Don't get your hopes high cause this article is not real for most, sorry
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henriette and hube
my goal is to live each day
01:42 PM on 12/11/2012
Agreed Sheila, even the article is written so that it just doesn't sound real Something fishy here.
11:11 PM on 12/10/2012
Kudos. My ex fiance and I separated after our daughter was born. There were hurt feelings and unkind words at first but we decided to be adults and co-parent our kid. We pretty much faked it for 6 years before we actually became the great friends we are today. We spend time with each others' families, have family dinner together 3 nights a week, go to the county fair and other in-town attractions together and even occasionally vacation together. He is my best friend. People we meet (and even some people we have known for years) have a hard time believing we are just friends but that is the truth. We have also included each others' serious partners in our family outings (though we both happen to be single currently). I am often asked why we don't get back together since our relationship is better than many of our friends' marriages BUT I don't think things would stay the same if we were together all the time again. It is too bad more people cannot suck it up and be nice to their ex; it really makes everything a whole lot easier.
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Memphistigers
10:47 PM on 12/10/2012
How can you wake up one day to discover you are friends? And with chidren between you? I will never get that, but that's probably just me. I do think it will be very difficult to find someone to share your life with who understands your touchy-feeliness with your ex and who is comfortable with it. But she will probably respect your respect for your ex. There is a huge difference in most women's minds.
10:23 PM on 12/10/2012
My ex and I have been divorced for 16 years now, I've been remarried for 10. My husband can not understand how I could possibly still care for my ex much less communicate with him. (His divorce was brutal from his ex) I decided along time ago it just wasn't worth it. My kids are close to my husband as well as to their dad, and even though I don't spend time with my ex, I also know I can sit in a room with him..
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Richard Mayne
10:14 PM on 12/10/2012
It is hard for most people to reach this level of maturity though some can. The problem is that people forget about their joint responsibilities for the children and often let swing with poor behavior that the children will absorb. In time the kids will note and put your behavior into context. No one knows what tomorrow brings - make sure you can be the best you can be today and even if that means its better not to be married, at least follow this example (or try)
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Aramingo
Use as directed
10:00 PM on 12/10/2012
Once someone moves into your heart, they never really move out.
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evangelicalchimp
And the Lord said "poof"
11:55 PM on 12/10/2012
they just make a nest in the mess they left and hang out.........
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TwilightZoneResident
Self Identifies as Brilliant, Illiterate Genyous
02:04 AM on 12/11/2012
Aramingo, your post reminds me of something that I say: you don't decide who you fall in love with. That being the case, since you can't choose whom to love, you have no choice in it, even if you do have the choice whether to be with that person or not. Marriage is not about a piece of paper, but about when two hearts merge and meld together, when two souls become more interested in the well being of the other than in their own. This means that no piece of paper can strengthen or make more legitimate a union. And if this is true (which it is IMHO), then we are being very ignorant about disallowing same sex marriage. Whether we grant rights to them or not isn't going to stop them from loving each other, or hopefully from being with each other. Therefore, we should do what the Bible tells us to do and focus on the love and let them love and care for each other.

Just my thoughts

TZR
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Aramingo
Use as directed
04:36 AM on 12/11/2012
Believe me, there are times when I wish I could control who I fell in love with.  And, I agree wholeheartedly with your reasoning.
09:55 PM on 12/10/2012
That's a nice story. Let me share my own experience.

My father was hospitalized before Thanksgiving and I contacted my ex-wife to ask if she could drop off our daughters with me so that they could see him and talk to him on Skype.

She refused that day but said she would have them come by at noon the next day. It was HER weekend.

I planned for the Skype call. She was two hours late and by then my dad was asleep at the hospital.

The girls made him a card. She was late to send it.
09:24 AM on 12/11/2012
do yourself a favor............don't ask her for anything. live YOUR life and make YOUR choices.....when it's her weekend, let her have it and don't even THINK about asking. you are just setting yourself up for more situations where you are going to repeat the same patterns that result in anger and bitterness at her. instead, I would have contacted her and told her that the grandfather was in the hospital and asked her if she could please help the kids to skype him. they didn't need to be with you to do that. that's where your problem is...........you're trying to control things and then seeing her as unreasonable. ask HER to take them to visit their grandfather........that's what a mother should do.......... but you were asking her for the kids.....YOU were using the kids as a pawn . If it was REALLY about your dad, then you should have told her what was happening and asked her if she could please help your daughters to call, visit or skype their grandad while they were with her. Was he DYING..........it doesnt' sound like it.
10:54 AM on 12/11/2012
Of course.  I rarely make requests of her because she uses every opportunity to cause havoc.  I don't want to deal with her but I try to do what is right for my children.
My family told me that my dad was in the hospital and in critical condition.  It was no false alarm.  He died later that week.
He was 800 miles away.
My ex-wife does not know how to do Skype.  And my daughters are age 10 and don't know how to set it up.
I wasn't using my daughters as pawns.  This was going to be the last time they got to see him alive and to talk to him.  That was important to him and to them and to me.  He was their grandfather and they loved and respected him.  I thought that his seeing them might help him improve.
Begrudge me that?
When my ex-wife's grandmother was hospitalized and then died my ex-wife had my daughters with her out of town for over a week with no objection from me.
Divorce gives bad people the opportunity to do bad things.
09:55 PM on 12/10/2012
My father died the day before Thanksgiving. That morning my ex-wife was at my doorstep belittling me and him -- "your dad is dying AGAIN" she shouted. (He had been hospitalized just over a year earlier during the divorce and over her objection she was directed to allow me to bring the girls to see him when he recovered and was released.)

When he died I called her to tell my daughters. She monopolized the call. They were to be with me on Thanksgiving. She was two hours late with drop off on Thanksgiving.

I bought airline tickets for me and my daughters to attend the funeral and pay respects with my family -- five days total, including two travel days.

She objected and forced me into a proceeding with the special master in the divorce case to argue as to why I should bring my daughters to their grandfather's funeral. She claimed that the visit should be only three days total (one day and two travel days).

Of course her objection was not sustained. She had taken the girls for eight days to visit her family when her grandmother died -- with my agreement.

But the death of my father was inconvenient for her. Her mother was visiting.

When your ex-wife is a bad person you have a different experience.
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milomilano
10:46 PM on 12/10/2012
Do the best you can and just be so thankful she's an EX- wife !
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The Sky is falling Down
4 more 4 44..Texas will be blue too!
10:47 PM on 12/10/2012
So sorry you lost your father. It is really sad when arrangements can not be agreed on in a time like this. I hope she can be fair and reconsider.
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drmindhealer
Clinician, Educator, Artist, Healer
09:53 PM on 12/10/2012
This article gives me hope at the same time it hurts deeply. We just ended our marriage of 11 years and I'm crushed. I would like to think that in time I will be able to see her with another guy in her life and be happy and supportive. I keep hoping that its all one bad dream and I will wake up able to fix the problems. Since that doesn't appear to be the case, I hope I can have the grace, courage and open-heart to give that gift to someone I love so deeply and will miss more than words can say.
12:35 AM on 12/11/2012
I had a friend going through a very ugly divorce while I was going through mine. It was what I needed to keep things in perspective and do everything I could not to have that happen to my kids or I. At times I despise her for walking out on our marriage. But reality is still there, reminding me daily that I can't make someone love me. I have a long life ahead, I'm well off, social, smart and decent looking. I will be fine. She still makes bad decisions and her life will always be harder than it was with me even with my monthly child support. Okay, I can forgive and I don't have to forget.
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ernie61
Walk without rhythm
09:48 PM on 12/10/2012
You go, dude! That is totally awesome. You and your ex decided to live like adults instead of a couple of spoiled kids. That's what I call maturity. I'm in the same position and it is a whole lot better than bitterness, anger, rage, jealousy, and all that other unhealthy garbage that poisons our lives. So, hats off to you. I'm glad you and your ex have that kind of relationship.
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chatterboop
09:39 PM on 12/10/2012
This guy baffles me...ridiculous..your touchy feeley, you love her blah blah..but, just not enough to stay married...WHAT???
09:34 PM on 12/10/2012
Your father set a wonderful example for you. You and your ex will in turn set a wonderful example for your children. I wish more people would act as though they were caring mature individuals, my ex included.
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09:27 PM on 12/10/2012
Amicable divorces always seem disingenuous but maybe they just epitomize "Don't go away mad. Just go away." ... :)
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TheIndependentView
What the hell are YOU looking at?
09:23 PM on 12/10/2012
...then be a good girl. lol
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08:57 PM on 12/10/2012
Finally a way to stop the lawyers orgy. Mature and smart people can do this. Good luck and god bless.