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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Stephen Stafford
Be the answer to somebody's prayer!
06:18 PM on 01/05/2013
Some of your concerns might be addressed by considering what is important to you and your intended. Bridesmaids and groomsmen are symbolic of persons who have stood with and supported members of the couple to be.

Other aspects of the celebration focus on religious and spiritual beliefs of the couple, and ethnic and cultural traditions. What influences are important to yourself and your partner that ought be celebrated and embraced as you join lives?

Or, you can throw a fancy party, get gussied up in expensive gowns and such, and tell people to bring you nice gifts because you want it all to be about you.
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Atwill
Stitch - Aloha means family
06:11 PM on 01/05/2013
You can get married anyway you want. I am straight we we did a quicky wedding, one guess why it was quick, in Vegas and got married by a fat 70's type Elvis. Funny, our oldest, the one we had to get the quicky wedding for, ended up being gay.
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kaykaythere
STOP the politics-- HELP US VETS NOW
05:31 PM on 01/05/2013
IT is YOUR DAY to do as you want.

The TRADITIONAL thing is always up for some change. My best friend is a Gay and very HETERO but he had me as HIS BEST MAN. CAUSE I am his best PERSON. HIS WIFE was so very okay with it.

My partner and I say that I will have HIm as My best man and she will have her sister as her Matron of HONOR>

We will have groomsmen on both sides and bridesmaids on both sides and it actually EVENED OUT well.

Now I am not much of a dress wearer, but I will wear a not frilly dress. My partner is ASIAN and she is wearing traditional VIETNAMESE for the different ceremonies.

We are having my uncle (A CATHOLIC PRIEST) preside and a Buddmist MONK also there.

WHo ever COMES Comes and if they are against it they won't come.

We gave upu trying to please people years ago.

And for TOPPERS-- OUR 4 KIDS are BAKING THE WEDDING CAKE. They are taking classes right now to do that.
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sean6886
Let Love Rule
04:53 PM on 01/05/2013
I DJ'd a commitment ceremony for a lesbian couple a few years ago. I had known them for a couple of years. It felt like the real deal but marriage wasn't actually legal in the state.
Both ladies wore a wedding gown. Both were escorted in by their Father. They had bridesmaids and groomsmen. They wrote their vows. They both had a bouquet and both threw their bouquets to the single ladies. They had two ladies on the cake. The best part was the amount of Family and Friends there to support them. It was an incredible feeling to see the acceptance and non-judgement. There were people their from different generations and everyone had a great time.
I think it's all about what you want to do. Just do what's in your heart.
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Pho3n1xSun
stupidity is a disease
04:50 PM on 01/05/2013
Do your wedding the way you want to do your wedding. If anyone wants to complain , then they better have been on the guest list or in the wedding.
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Kofender
(speaks in parentheses--but I digress)
04:19 PM on 01/05/2013
It's a wedding. It's what you and your future wife feel most comfortable with. If others judge it, so what--so long as it's in good taste.

(On the other hand, when my oldest niece got married many years ago, her wedding was in incredibly BAD taste--so much so we still talk about it today, 25 years later. You don't want that kind of wedding--complete with the bride singing to the poor groom [we all liked him and cheered when he finally walked out], the purple teddy bears cascading down the wedding cake [oy!], and many other such tasteless things. In the family, we refer to it as the teddy bear wedding. DON'T DO THIS!!!)
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RobbinsT
07:27 PM on 01/05/2013
So I guess at our wedding you're not going to like my surprise entrance of floating in on a collage of blow up sex dolls filled with helium?
Well you'll just have to do the planning then. :)
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Kofender
(speaks in parentheses--but I digress)
07:54 PM on 01/05/2013
Robbins--no, that is entirely in great taste. The surprise entrance is going to be especially stunning. I couldn't plan it better myself!
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neighborhoodmole
no one really knows who anyone is here
11:21 PM on 01/05/2013
Who do you think you are, Lady Gaga?
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talkstocoyotes
04:14 PM on 01/05/2013
Like the idea of having bridesmaids and bridesmen; if you're uneasy with "bridesmen" you might just say "attendants."

Two tips:

1) Don't worry about what's fashionable or politically correct; your day will come and go and no one will care but the people most closely involved. Just be sure you and your fiancee are on the same page.

2) If you're concerned about your wedding dress looking dated, go for the traditional type with the huge pouffy skirt. Anything that's a current fashion will eventually look dated; wedding photos where the bride appears to be wearing a satin nightgown SCREAM "1990s". But again, if you want the latest fashion go for it, assuming you can afford it.

3) Have a video record, even if it's just a friend taking home movies. Otherwise, you do all that work and running-around and you never actually see the wedding.

4) If there's a member of your wedding party who says early on, "it's your day; have what you want", watch out. That person is likely to be the Attendant From Hell who argues with you about absolutely everything.
04:04 PM on 01/05/2013
ITS YOUR DAY PUT IT TOGETHER THE WAY YOU WANT!
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Winter Skye
I wore an onion belt, which was the fashion then..
03:57 PM on 01/05/2013
But what will you put on the wedding cake? Two women?
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talkstocoyotes
04:10 PM on 01/05/2013
Sure. Why not?
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Winter Skye
I wore an onion belt, which was the fashion then..
04:29 PM on 01/05/2013
Well, I just wonder how far it all goes...You know what I mean? Like I have seen pics of women marrying and one is wearing a tux! I just think there's something off about that. If a woman would not wear a tux to a typical event, why on her wedding day? And what about the bouquet? What about two men? Do they carry flowers to the altar?
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
04:25 PM on 01/05/2013
That one's pretty easy. :)
03:48 PM on 01/05/2013
I've never really thought about my future wedding. It's been a rather... awkward childhood for me, but I did come out of it knowing one thing. There is NO way anyone is going to get a tuxedo on me... ever...ever, again. My gender dysphoria showed so badly during my highschool graduation, heehee.

Anyway, the reason I really can't plan as much as I'd like for a future wedding is because I am Bi. I don't know who I'll find as a partner, man or woman. Planning two weddings instead of one is exhausting, but exciting at the same time... I'd just hate to make one more preferential than the other, you know?

As far as mixing it up goes, it may be an inevitability for me, but that just leaves me with a very big opportunity to create an atmosphere suited to me and my partners unique relationship.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
04:38 PM on 01/05/2013
Honestly, I've been engaged more than once, so a bit of advice there: it's nice to dream about it, but a lot's going to depend on who you're marrying, and a whole bunch of other factors, too, beyond the gender of said partner.

Since we've all been varying brands of Pagans, a 'church wedding' wouldn't make sense, anyway, but I know it'd have been different ceremonies for different relationships and circumstances.

The most recent plannings, for instance, would have a lot to do with the fact it'd be very impractical to try and get all our friends and relations together in any one place, whereas that wouldn't have been as big a problem in other instances.
06:13 PM on 01/05/2013
Wear whatever you like. When our decidedly post-middle-aged heterosexual neighbors married a few years ago, the bride wore a stunning designer gown, while the bridegroom wore bluejeans. She later told me that when he announced his wardrobe choice for the event she said it was fine with her, adding: "The worse you look, my darling, the better I look." Always makes me smile to think of that. Wear whatever you like. Love whomever makes you happy.
02:30 PM on 01/05/2013
Elegant weddings are always tasteful, no matter the couple's make-up. If traditional with a modern flair (what I did, too) is what you like, then it most certainly is appropriate.

That wedding theme is not for everyone. There have been hetero underwater-scuba-suited weddings, why not a gay or lesbian one? Your wedding should fit Who You Are.

As to bridesmen, sounds fun! More and more couples are facing this kind of problem. The groom's twin sister fits better on his side as his best friend than on the bride's side, and other such situations. Just dress each side so that they have their own "team theme." Have you seen the gorgeous tuxedo-inspired bridesmaid-y dresses out there? Fab.

I am a fan of classic, timeless styles.

(PS, I'm also a conservative christian who's a young republican like Megan McCain. Surprise!)
03:51 PM on 01/05/2013
I've witnessed sky diving weddings. A little awkward, as sound isn't able to travel far enough as you're falling to be heard, but it's interesting none-the-less.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
04:45 PM on 01/05/2013
You're right about the 'bridesmen' thing: it's really common for the 'bride's party' and 'groom's party' to be mixed gender these days even among straight folks: or even to not necessarily separate those parties at all, especially since it's really very common for there to be mutual friends of both sexes between both partners. :) Whatever fits, you know? :)
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02:19 PM on 01/05/2013
"Would it be appropriate to have a mix of bridesmaids and bridesmen?"

Two things to keep in mind (1) a good chunk of our American wedding traditions come from Queen Victoria's wedding / that era in general and (2) the point of bridesmaids was "Hey, dear friend, please dress up identical to me to keep old suitors and angry spirits from taking me during the ceremony." Do whatever feels happy, normal and fun for YOU, not what J. Crew, the media, your great aunt Sally or your bff suggests is happy, normal or fun. Every time you find yourself saying "I can't do xyz that way, it's supposed to be this other way", ask yourself why you thought that. Chances are your reason will be "someone else told me it has to be that way" and you'll realize "Forget that nonsense, I'm doing it my way anyway"
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talkstocoyotes
04:18 PM on 01/05/2013
I married late and only one person in the wedding party was under 40. What I did with my attendants was to send them each four yards of fabric from the same bolt and told them to have something made up in a conservative dress that you'd wear to an expensive restaurant (this was a semi-formal wedding). Nobody had to feel like it was Halloween and most of the guests didn't even notice that they weren't wearing the same thing.
06:14 PM on 01/05/2013
Thanks so much for pointing that out. F&F
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hohonu maluhia
Live aloha
01:12 PM on 01/05/2013
Why not? Equality is equality. If you want your dogs and cats to be your wedding attendants, go for it. It's your day.
06:16 PM on 01/05/2013
I was at a wedding where the couple was on horseback and the horses wore huge flowered leis, which they managed to eat throughout the ceremony. That was fun.