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09:51 AM on 01/20/2013
Yes you were wrong to shut your husband down and I do find the only macho men want guns sterotype offensive but i dont doubt your reasons. If you kept it locked up responsibly and educated your son that no fooling around near it would be tolerated that might work but he is a wild card factor.
I don't know what you should do but it is something to discuss with your husband as this is a matter that the two of you know best. This is not something to discuss here.
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Chi Man Sam
Abortion is a constitutionally protected right.
10:13 AM on 01/20/2013
I'm sure Adams mom thought the same.
Sarge heres the question, if he has never
mention it in 20 years my guess is he has never
had a need for it.
Risk over Reward.
What are the risk. Just yesterday we learned of a retired 30 year deputy sheriff
who also is a 16 years gun range instrutor, who left his weapon in a school bathroom,
just yesterday in three gunshows 5 people were shoot accidentally.
Mistakes happen thats the risk, this child is intelligent, could he figure out how to
unlock and steel the gun, another risk.
No what the reward?
Sarge we all knew guy in platoon who had no business carrina weapon,
Not everybody while they have the right, needs to own a weapon.
The risk is too high, for what reward?
10:26 AM on 01/20/2013
I said there was no right answer and there isnt one. They know there situation best so they need to discuss it amongst themselves.
11:38 AM on 01/20/2013
Well said!
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thomasina 1
The Truth; and all that it en-Tails.
03:40 PM on 01/20/2013
You are wrong, sgthalo. She was right to object to getting a gun.
06:36 PM on 01/20/2013
Did I even mention corectness on her refusal? All I said was that they know there situation the best and that it should be a decision made amongst themselves. On something this important the Internet might not be the best venue for advice.
08:51 AM on 01/20/2013
Your problem is not that your husband wants a gun. You have a more serious problem and you should think about marriage counseling. Don't give in until you know what the real issue is.
08:32 AM on 01/20/2013
Yes, you are 100% WRONG in your sexist approach in trying to bully your husband into not owning a firearm. It is telling that you dont trust your husband o your son with a firearm. Do you own any 'knight style swords' in the house? You know... a kitchen knife? They cause MORE deaths and injuries then guns. If you are willing to have a knife in the house then a firearm isnt any better/worse.

Stop being so bigoted against things you dont understand. Plenty of woman and children are veary accomplished target shooters and have much more training then any police officer. Try being open minded instead of bigoted
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x jmp
09:55 AM on 01/20/2013
Steven, you didn't read the piece. You are DANGEROUS!
11:39 AM on 01/20/2013
Please explain where she was sexist/bigoted.

But before you do, please look up what those two words mean.
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bdoug25000
Bio? Nope, Mostly mechanical
08:10 AM on 01/20/2013
Hubby should get real. A gun in his home is way more likely to kill him than an intruder, even without a mentally unbalanced child in his home. If he is so concerned with someone attacking his home he would be better off investing in a deadbolt, or moving to a safer neighborhood. I sure hope he isn't under the delusional spell that a gun will somehow make him more of a man, because they tend to have the opposite effect....
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ocrmom59
03:26 AM on 01/20/2013
Your husband is hyped up on the idea of having a gun in the because of all the news from the republicans and nra, if it wasn't for that he wouldn't dare bring a gun inyour home thinking his son might odo the same thing. That is the part that he can't accept right now that his son shows the same signs as Adam did. You can bet he have look up the sympotms for himself and it hurt more than anything and he don't know how to handle it or to tell you. Deep down he is afraid that his might end up doing something but he feel if he spend more time with him doing something that he might be one of the lucky one and don't flip out. Your son may espcae the danger and juou st keep going to the hospital which is better than killinga.

You do need to find someone to talk with you and your husband together who have a postivre attitude like your pastor, if you can find one today. Everyone is so hyped up over the gun bill that it will be hard to and I am afraid that we might heardof more family in the same boat you are in. But I am pretty sure there are organization that can help you. I pray that you find help and I suggest you start praying too. Good luck.
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kay360
03:11 AM on 01/20/2013
Your son sounds smart enough to breach any type of security for the gun. This is a difficult decision, but I wouldn't back down. I think your instincts are spot-on. Trust them!
03:04 AM on 01/20/2013
I grew up in an anti gun household. I recently married a hunter. You don't have to become familiar with guns yourself to judge if your husband would be a responsible gun owner. My husband convinced me. He's been hunting since he was a child and adheres to conventional gun safety rules, better than the average person you see shopping for a gun (count how many people you see pointing a gun at themselves or others at a gun shop). Recently we talked about guns and kids with mental illness. The opinion of this longtime responsible gun owner? The moment we suspect mental illness in our child, the guns are out, all of them. I agree with him 100%.
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Hector Boag
You want what??
02:45 AM on 01/20/2013
My son, 26 now, and I both battle depression and I have had weapons in the house since he was born. I taught him safety and how to shoot ever since he was big enough to hold a weapon with no problems whatever. (Neither of us have shot anything but game and targets)
I would suggest the whole family take an NRA gun safety course and make a family outing at the range; you will mostly likely meet other folks just like you and have a great time!
11:10 AM on 01/20/2013
Good idea, but I'd add talking with the son's doctor(s) to that list.
01:57 AM on 01/20/2013
I think you are within your rights as a parent and I applaud you standing up to your husband. Mental illness is nothing to trivialize and the connections between psychiatric problems and mass murder are undeniable. Don't back down. You may have spared the life or lives of many including yourself and your nearest and dearest. I am shocked that your husband has no sense of imanent danger in regards to the wild card condition of your son. He should tremble at the thought of putting a gun in his home.
12:41 AM on 01/20/2013
No, you are not wrong to shut your husband down about this. I agree with you 100% and although I also believe you when you say your husband is a good man and cares for your son .. that doesn't mean he is making a responsible decision about this. I don't know the feeling of comfort a man gets from a gun, don't pretend to understand that connection .. but I know that when it comes to making decisions about them, men are not responsible. I don't know about you but this would be a tipping point for me. A deal breaker. Wish I had better suggestions .. but I would be lying if I said otherwise.
12:30 AM on 01/20/2013
My teenage son has some aspergers tendencies and was hospitalized due to suicidal intentions. He was going to kill himself with a ammonia and bleach concoction. Then I saw him searching for a place to hang himself. I hid all the ropes, belts, and chemicals. He was very depressed at that time, even though he was/is on meds. I had him on a 504 plan at school, and I was in constant contact with teachers, and staff. I would email teachers and say my son is very depressed right now. Please honor the 504 contract, and so on. The 504 helped him/us immensely. He is so smart, but overwhelmed by perfection, and his oddity. I would sit on the bed with him and ask him how he was doing, and really listen. I was listening for clues. The clues were coming in, and I asked him if he was thinking of killing himself. He said yes. I got him to the hospital, and after evaluation, it was worse then I had even imagined.
My thoughts for you are, make sure the gun is locked up. Sit with your son often and ask how is he feeling today. Ask him if he is mad at anyone. Stick by his side as much as you can. Protect him in his school life. Let him see you cry, and laugh. My son seems to be maturing, but I cannot predict the future for him in the least bit. It's very sad.
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JenniferfromAnywhere
12:11 AM on 01/20/2013
Guns don't kill people. Video games kill people.
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stevec2nd
01:56 AM on 01/20/2013
Of course they do. That's what they were invented for.
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kk0808
On the Front line or in the arena
12:11 AM on 01/20/2013
Its interesting to see the wide pendulum swing of posts. I would want to explore what is behind husband/fathers 'sudden' desire to become armed. Is he feeling insecure about providing enough safety to his family? I would explore alternatives that don't have the lethality of a gun. Dogs warn - guns don't far enough in advance.
My other consideration would be stress. Having a challenging teen is enough stress, especially one with special needs - why would you want to add another concern to the list - needing to be mindful of where it is, are you properly trained and confident to use it?, is it always secure? Should it be accessible for 'invasion' or secured for limited access? Insurance/liability issues? Accidental events? (Check out the Gun show accidents today!) If you don't bring a gun into the house - you don't have these issues to add to the long list of responsibilities you already have.
I would encourage confidence boosting activities between father and son.
12:01 AM on 01/20/2013
Well, for starters you should drop the stereotype that someone who wants to own a gun is usually a "macho" male trying to reinforce his sense of masculinity. Your husband is a perfect example of an ordinary person perceiving a need for owning a gun for home defense.

Another thing you might do is familiarize yourself with firearms and safety procedures when a person wants to have a firearm in the house without it being available to everyone living in the home. You are obviously terrified of guns Maybe you still would be after getting familiar with them, but at least then you would hold that opinion from an informed point of view and not simply as a knee jerk emotional reaction.

Yes, guns can in fact be stored safely in a home without certain people having access to them and they can still be reached quickly for home defense. In my case I do not keep any of my guns loaded and they are all locked. No matter where I am in the house I can always get to and load a handgun or a rifle in less than 45 seconds, often a good deal less time than that, depending where I am at.

I have no comment on your son's condition and whether he should ever be allowed to handle a gun. I will respect your opinion as his mother.
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doquestioneverything
11:52 PM on 01/19/2013
Your husband doesn't seem to have much respect for you. To do all this on his own, and not involve you in the decision, is a sad statement on your relationship.