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03:58 PM on 03/29/2013
He is bad, and I hope he was punished so he never did it again.
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03:42 PM on 03/29/2013
My son was cute but chubby....until the middle of high school. OMGosh when he returned his senior year after having lost 60 pounds he was overwhelmed by his popularity and the number of girls who threw themselves at this fat boy who suddenly became a very handsome, fit young man. Some were easy and eager, some were not. He didn't know how to handle either. I gave him some advice I'd read or heard once. Never leave any one of these girls, nor anyone else for that matter, in worse shape than you found them. He took that advice to heart because he understood that simple message of respect for others and responsibility for his own behavior. He's a grown man today, husband, father, step-father, EMT. He still lives with that message I had no idea would be so powerful when I passed it along to him.
03:39 PM on 03/29/2013
Kim, your rock. And that's final.
03:36 PM on 03/29/2013
This is my story, too, but not as the person raped, my mother was the one who was raped in 1968, but abortion was illegal, and being a catholic, she was taken to a catholic hospital that forbid the d&c procedure that would have removed me that night. Instead I was born to a woman who hated what I reminded her of, a constant reminder of a night when her wish to just get a ride home safely was not to come true. She was not grateful for me, or for my love, and I was a fracture in the entire family, still am to this day the unwanted one. I don't wish that on anyone ever. It sucks...Kindness at any point would have really helped.
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I say
So grateful.
04:32 PM on 03/29/2013
I hope others in your life tell you they're grateful for you.
11:33 PM on 03/29/2013
Yes, especially my children :)
03:30 PM on 03/29/2013
sickeningly honest and common and I'm so tired of this. Appreciate her bravery so much.
03:24 PM on 03/29/2013
Powerful essay. I am outraged for you and the countless other women (and children) this happens to, but proud of your bravery, and especially for putting this out there so Jane Doe knows she is not alone. Thank you for this, I know it wasn't easy.
03:05 PM on 03/29/2013
We among those silent too long are so proud of you! From you we will draw the strength necessary to speak truth...to stand by our children when they turn to us seeking our belief and support, to stop the silence on this and all forms of violence and abuse that destroy so many lives from infancy to the aged. Thank you doesn't seem nearly enough to you and Jane Doe and every victim everywhere who finds the courage to speak; refuses to be silenced...or sometimes worse, as when the victim is coerced into denying the truth to protect someone who surely has lost the right to that or any other form of protection. Just yesterday an elderly woman shared with me her story of childhood rape by her father; the mother's refusal to believe and insistence on her denying the allegation to police in order to protect the family! This is so common as to be almost unbleievable, but sadly is true.
04:04 PM on 04/02/2013
Ridiculously common. Forever abhorrent.
02:58 PM on 03/29/2013
I feel sadness for you, and all of us who have to live with that. I also feel rage towards all those clean cut SOBs that some people feel bad for when they get caught.
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AlainnGanAinm
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02:48 PM on 03/29/2013
Me too. 19, behind a bar. I felt absolutely disgraceful and filthy. I would love to just hug Jane Doe, and tell her everything is alright.
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02:29 PM on 03/29/2013
Me too!! I felt like it was my fault, because I went with him. When he asked after if I was going to tell people I had been raped, I was so ashamed. I even pretended to friends that whatever happened I was ok with. I didn't want our friends to think differently of me or think I was that girl who caused trouble. I took what he did and placed the blame on myself and never told. When he tried to date my friends and cousins, I said nothing. I felt sick and disgusted whenever I seen his face. When he would just drop by my house, as if to claim his property. I say property, because he told me I belonged to him. He knew I was a virgin and took great pride in taking that from me. He taunted me with it.It took me moving away for him to finally leave me alone. My sons will NEVER be like that guy was. I will teach them respect and morals. Sadly something this guys mother never taught him.
12:57 PM on 03/29/2013
Thank you so much for sharing. I am lucky that it never happened to me. I think it's really important for women to be honest about being a rape survivor. When I talk to close friends, I'm stunned by how many this has happened to. They tell me in private as their secret. I won't break their trust. But I hope that all rape survivors, women AND men, can get past the stigma & shame and tell their story openly. Because I think that rape is the dirty secret of our society. It's only when these stories are brought out into the sunlight that the atrocious behavior of so many men and boys, who feel they are entitled to any woman or girl they choose, will be revealed and hopefully, reviled. Girls and women need to understand to their cores that they are worthy & valued and rape is a violation of that in addition to being a violation of their bodies & their confident sense of self. Boys and men need to realize that no one can be treated this way. Parents need to talk to their kids, boys and girls, to make them understand this too. I don't believe these conversations will become common until everyone who has been raped speaks up about what happened to them. People would be shocked by how common it is, including among people they know, love and value. Then as a society we can have that conversation about how to stop it.
12:56 PM on 03/29/2013
My daughter was a victim of rape her Freshman year in high school. Thank you for posting this!
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sellabitmum
Writer, Mother, Shopper
12:37 PM on 03/29/2013
Biting back the tears. It's not working though. Love you. xoxo
12:20 PM on 03/29/2013
Oh, Kim. ME TOO. Almost just like that. Me too.
I'm so sad for our 18-year-old selves. But also proud of us that we've brought it to light. And we will teach our sons to be better. xo