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10:55 PM on 05/09/2013
Ms. Rorvik, thank you for your eloquent essay. There are too many folk who simply dig their heels in and refuse to consider the possibility that they may need to rethink something. Thank you for your willingness to research, gather new information, and reach a new decision about something over which your son had no control. You have shown great strength and great love through the sharing of your story. You and your son are in my prayers as you continue your journey together.
09:26 AM on 05/12/2013
Thank you.
Proudly fighting for my gay son's equal rights
09:37 PM on 05/09/2013
Thank you for your willingness to struggle with this. I know too many Christian parents who don't and won't. I appreciate that you used your truly questioning mind to try to reconcile the beliefs. What matters in the end is that you came beyond them to love and support your son.

I've had many a talk with conservative Christians who are simply stuck in their belief. If every one of them who had an LGBT child did the soul searching you have done and opened their mind enough to question the teachings and understand the ambiguity often found in the Bible, then most of this discord could be cast aside and the bond between mother and child would be left still intact as it should be. Most of the time, even if the disagreement gets heated, I can finally get to the bottom line with them and end up where you did. That only God knows and it is not ours to judge, ever. It is only ours to LOVE.

Thank you for sharing your journey. I know not everyone likes having the religious element in this struggle, but we have to accept that it is here. I appreciate each and every person who has a change of heart about it because I believe it is often one person at a time that we win this and it is through our hearts. We can mandate change, but for real acceptance, we want love.
Blues, guitars, motorcycles & Reformed Theology
11:31 AM on 05/11/2013
One of the best assessments of the biblical material often used to attack gay folks is right here in HP.
09:27 AM on 05/12/2013
Thank you for understanding.
08:31 PM on 05/09/2013
The point is you accepted your son. It may have taken you a while, it did for my parents as well, and you managed to reconcile your religion and your views on homosexuality in a logical and intelligent way. Good job. I learned from my parents after years of resentment, anger, hostility that it was time to move on, and so did they. I never thought they would change their opinions but when they said to me: One day I realized you don't chose this, it's just who you are- all the hostility and anger and resentment just washed away in a second.
12:29 PM on 05/21/2013
It's interesting how often differences are resolved when people back away and simply let go. It's as though the anger and disappointment burn themselves out and blinded eyes begin to see and listen.
05:16 PM on 05/09/2013
Come on, folks. Lots of parents have a tough time when their kids come out, particularly when those who came of age more than 10 years ago. I know that mine certainly did it wasn't because they were particularly religious....and yet they are my partner's and my biggest supporters today.

Personally, I think Ms. Rorvik's article is a beautiful acknowledgement of redemption and love. I honor her for her willingess to grow into God's love for both her and her son.
Bill J4321
01:48 PM on 05/09/2013
You needed help. Accepting your own son. The very human life you brought into this world.

If I were you, I'd be more worried for my OWN soul, than that of my son's.
MENSA, Gay, Atheist, Married , age 58
12:44 PM on 05/09/2013
Your poor kid. You made your kid feel like sh#t for 8 years in order to keep stroking your religion addiction?
Well, they say an addict will do or say absolutely anything to keep their addiction going. Even harming their "loved" ones.
Trini to the bone. Global heart and soul
03:07 PM on 05/09/2013
C'mon guys, you think it is easy for her to share this? Sometimes it takes a great personal catharsis for people to break out of their cherished beliefs, especially if there is a lot of fear, community pressure and the total non-existence of any conceivable refutation or alternative in their current understanding. In the words of Maya Angelou, "When you know better, you do better,"

Can you imagine not knowing or even being able to conceive of ANY OTHER WAY? Do you think that while she believed her son was some God-forsaken person, it was not tearing her up inside too? The personal conflict of her head, heart and conscience with her religious beliefs probably kept her up nights. It probably had her crying and begging with God and weighed like a ton of bricks on her chest. Often you hear parents at PFLAG saying it felt like a huge weight was lifted off when they saw the light.

We must forgive. We must open our arms. It is something I also say to other black people too, "We CANNOT give this kind of cold reception to people who have a genuine change of heart, courageously do THE HARD WORK and honestly own up to it,"

Resentment only perpetuates the cycle of hate.
"Not 'The Craw!' The 'CRAW!!!'"
04:50 PM on 05/09/2013
Very true. When the light is finally seen, we should be glad -- not rush to put it back out.
Rhymes with Grist
10:57 PM on 05/09/2013
You are very charitable and compassionate.

"The personal conflict of her head, heart and conscience with her religious beliefs probably kept her up nights. It probably had her crying and begging with [a god] and weighed like a ton of bricks on her chest."

And therein lies at least half the tragedy of this heartwrenching story. If the author of this piece hadn't been completely inculcated with god myths and dogma, to the point that she believed that they represent actual reality, she wouldn't have needed to waste so much agonizing time learning to re-accept her son.

Yet even after the pretzel-shaped convolutions of reasoning required to accept her own flesh and blood, *and* hold on to her faith in after-lives, saviors, and so on, she adds, almost as a footnote, that her son may or may not be judged by her deity. That says to me that she still lives in terror that her son may still be consigned to eternal torment by her infinitely loving creator - depending, of course, on which version of which actual myth that she accepts as fact.

Even more gut-wrenching fear ahead for her.
03:22 PM on 05/09/2013
Many people of faith passionately support lgbt civil rights. I'm a gay Christian myself, and even before I discovered my sexual orientation, I had enough moral and spiritual discernment to see that homophobia is immoral and against the loving and inclusive spirit of Christ's ministry. The institutions that compose organized religion are inventions of man; as such, they can be used to good or bad ends. Religion doesn't inherently make believers homophobic, but homophobic believers often use religion to justify their prejudices. I don't mean to minimize the sheer evil of these discriminatory attitudes and the actions that flow from them, but as a practical matter, how are they ever going to question those prejudices if this kind of ridicule is what they have to look forward to after they reject their deeply-ingrained biases? I find the smug superiority of self-righteous believers unbearable, but what you wrote doesn't sound a lot different. You both seem to think that the contents of your minds alone can justify you; the superficially pious think that their literal belief in scripture makes them better people than nonbelievers, and you seem to think that your lack of faith in a higher power makes you a better person than those "addicts" who are too weak-minded to reject their faith. It's what you do with your beliefs that matters, and I think if you use them to put yourself on a pedestal, you're doing wrong, no matter which particular set of beliefs you hold.