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Can I get a microbio??
08:53 AM on 06/25/2013
When I began to learn of my husbands affair and the subsequent separation, I couldn't sleep, or eat for about a month and a half. I was unable to pay attention at work or even do easy tasks like walking my dogs. It hit me so hard and I was disgusted by how I was reacting that it just made it worse. After 22 years I was sick at the thought that I was filing for divorce but more sick over the fact that my husband decided to use the last few weeks to completely humiliate and disrespect me.

It took leaving the state, engaging with friends and seeing a therapist to help me realize what I was doing and get control back. That was over a year ago. Now I am eating right,exercising, and seeing a wonderful man who makes me laugh and feel alive.

Perhaps the best advice I received was to allow the pain to happen. Cry, throw things, whatever you need to to get pass the moment. I think I made myself so sick because I hated how I was sad and sick over what was happening. Once I just let the pain come it went and I felt better gradually. Divorce was the most painful thing I ever did but I am glad I was able to get thru it and come out better in the end.
You dont know me.
08:35 AM on 06/25/2013
My marriage was making me ill, Divorce was like a giant enema of happiness! mmm enema
marissa emily
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
09:40 AM on 06/25/2013
My best friend said the same thing, she was miserable in her marriage and felt a great relief when it was over, now she is happier than she has ever been.
You dont know me.
09:58 AM on 06/25/2013
I literally had a stomach ache everyday, migraines, my hair was falling out, I couldnt sleep, my skin broke out constantly....After I left him it took a bit to get all those symptoms gone but they are!
Okey Umez
Yes i. Babylon gwon fall
09:45 AM on 06/25/2013
An interesting way to look at an enema no?!!
marissa emily
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
08:40 AM on 06/26/2013
Hi Okey : )
07:12 AM on 06/25/2013
Hmmm...wasn't there an article the other day telling us to turn that divorce frown upside down? This one is far more realistic. My newly sprouted sprinkling of grey is testiment to that.
Lisa Arends
Author, wellness coach, and teacher
06:47 AM on 06/25/2013
Yes, yes and yes. The only exception for me was that I experienced extreme weight loss (20 lb in 2 weeks), not gain. My body was breaking down so much muscle tissue that I was almost hospitalized. I developed an arrythmia from the stress to the cardiac tissue. My body was broken as completely as my heart. I have never been good about asking for and allowing assistance, but that was one period when I had no choice. There is no shame in asking for help.
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07:13 AM on 06/25/2013
I experienced weight loss too. Almost 40 lbs in 2 months. Every time I tried to eat I would have a mental picture of my husband sleeping with his secret girlfriend and my stomach would roll. It took three months for that feeling to pass and now I can finally eat again without having that disturbing thought go through my mind.
07:15 AM on 06/25/2013
Extreme weight loss followed by strange weight gain that had nothing to do with my diet. Now I'm sort of normal again but it took quite some time.
wittyusername 29
Londoner in the USA
09:50 AM on 06/25/2013
I put on 50 lbs - still working it off *sigh*
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12:31 AM on 06/26/2013
LOL, I absolutely love following your comments happyclam88 somehow your comments are spot on with my life, I find it so bizarre & funny tho. I'm still trying to survive my divorce, already dealt with the extreme weight loss, and recently now dealing w/that strange ass weight gain :( Its now been over a yr (3/2012) since my habitual cheater left, and is now living with the girlfriend & her kids and he has yet to see or even talk to his daughter who's now 16. Oh, she did receive a birthday card w/no signature, or gift card, or money...but, she did get him telling her in the card I miss you baby and call me w/two phone numbers. lol and when the honeymoon stages wear off with their relationship, i'm sure he won't be able to comprehend why our daughter will not have anything to do with him. The abandonment issues i'm dealing with is horrible with her, let alone my own issues w/feeling abandoned. But, I'm now learning to try and take life one day at a time and stop worrying about the unknown since I'll have no control over the outcome anyways. I do pray everyday now, and know God will be with us throughout this journey. And, I did find a divorce support group that has been helping me too :) The husband has now filed a petition with the court to have us put our house up for sale, w/o us even going through equitable
06:05 AM on 06/25/2013
While this article tends to focus on women's issues, I've seen the negative impact on a male member of our family whose wife decided to leave him without telling him, snuck in while he was at work and with her family's help, took everything, leaving him with virtually nothing, not even a bed to sleep in. Just before her exit, she took it upon herself to refinance the home (which he owned since 1994) for three times more than it was worth. So he's dealing not only with her disastrous and spiteful financial decision, but her prior debt before the marriage. Talk about stress, sleepless nights, loneliness and depression...this guy had all of it. Thankfully, eventually, he pulled himself together and joined a gym. He's lost weight, pumped up, and eating healthier, but I'm sure the emotional toll is ongoing. Unfortunately, he can't divest himself completely of this whole ugly situation because they have a child that he adores, and he's trying to sell his home that he can no longer afford, and doesn't care to maintain.
07:14 AM on 06/25/2013
Also, tell him he's better off without her - and her family. When I see people do things like this I just think 'disordered' and figure the best thing is to get far, far away from them.
08:20 AM on 06/25/2013
That is awesome that he has someone like you to watch out for him, many men of divorce do not. I know women come on here and spout off about how men suck and we should have done more around the house or should have been home more instead of working, or drank less etc....

Their tune changes when they see this happen to a man close to them be it a brother, cousin, uncle, family friend.

Being left out of the blue myself I know exactly how he feels. It's no fun. 3 years later and I'm just now starting to feel like myself again.

Give him a hug next time you see him, he needs it.
11:31 AM on 06/25/2013
I give you a hug because you are a very empathetic man!
02:37 PM on 06/25/2013
For sure, I'll give hum hugs right alongside the many hugs he gets from his little daughter.
04:51 AM on 06/25/2013
Marriage is the most dangerous institution in the world,due to gender-biased laws against men. A marriage not only takes you to the bedroom,but also to the jail. Take my case. I was a simple guy,alien to the concept of dating. I do not smoke,no womanising,no drinking. Yet,my divorce took place. I bought a separate flat for my wife - we were a nuclear family - we two,and our daughter. No physical violence,sex with wife when she consented. Then why my divorce? I was to go for a cataract surgery in the right eye,as I was already blind in the left eye,having lost left eye,due to retina detachment. In marital vows,helping one another during happy days,and calamities,the couple takes this vow around the sacred fire. Should not this vow be followed,in letter and spirit? Even beggars have wives. An educated person is unlucky,if his wife leaves him. I call myself the most unfortunate father in the world,as I have no access to my daughter for the last more than a decade. Even the UN Charter on Human Rights of Children,is silent on the issue of violation of human rights of children,who are denied the love,access and affection of one of the parent,by the other parent,having custody of the child.
STOP the politics-- HELP US VETS NOW
01:12 AM on 06/25/2013
Can you imagine the outcry from the "Traditional marriage is sacrosanct" crowd if someone tried to tell them that NO DIVORCE laws were brought back.. I wonder how many of them would be screaming about how government should have no role in deciding who can and who cannot get or remain married?

Can you imagine the outcry from these same folks if say 20 states had simple divorce laws and 30 states had NO divorce laws, meaning that if you moved from a pro-divorce state and tried to marry in a no -divorce state you were told you could not marry cause you were already married in that other state and the new state did not recognize the divorce.

yet this is EXACTLY what the anti-gay folks are saying. That Government SHOULD tell folks who they can and cannot marry and that states can decide who can and cannot marry.

the anti-gay folks would have a COW if you told them they no longer had the right to marry who they wanted.
11:28 PM on 06/27/2013
Yes, the bible only allows divorce for the grounds of adultery. That was what the people demanded. If they really wanted to follow the bible they would be supporting those rules.
12:59 AM on 06/25/2013
I didn't experience any of those things. If anything, I started to feel so much better because I was no longer going home to someone who utterly detested me. My temper was better and I was actually happy once he left.