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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Seneca
influences sound government
02:36 PM on 07/01/2010
I should add that after my son's suicide I, too, had dreams that seemed to me to be a way to come to grips with something I could not affect, reverse, or accept. My late father visited me in some dreams. We had drinks together, and he listened. I do not recall anything said, only that his presence signified support. That is what I wanted from him. I do not mistake this dream for anything more than something conjured only by my own mind. I had one dream, only, in which I found my son, after searching for him as he had gone missing. In the dream, I found him in a simple room, much like his actual room in an apartment shared with two other young men. I found him satisfied in his choices and unwilling to return under his parents' wings. He didn't want to come back to us. He had made his choices and wanted to take responsibility for them. Again, this was my brain processing events, rationalizing things, not a "visit" from my son's consciousness. My son and his consciousness ended when he put a bullet through his own brain. He made a mistake, surrendering to anxiety and misperceptions. That is indisputable, but unfortunately irrevocable. We often feel like saying "no" to reality and our minds are quite good at rationalizing this. Better to say "yes" even to the hardest aspects of life, for only then can we truly cope and recover.
06:42 PM on 07/01/2010
You might like the book, Your Eternal Self, by R. Craig Hogan, PhD. He discusses the physics behind the soul's (consciousness's) survival after death. Also, The Hidden Domain is a great book that explains all the things that we all thought was New Age craziness, but in terms of math, quantum physics, etc. I think we're sitting on the brink of a realization: there is more to life than life. The does continue to live in another dimension. Physicists are now exploring this in depth. Open minded skepticism is a great thing, but extreme skepticism is like scorning Galileo and Copernicus for their once heretical views. Your son is still alive, just not in the physical. We just have to recover from losing them, physically. That's not easy.
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jojothedoggirl
Outside a dog a book is mans best friend
07:26 PM on 07/01/2010
Dear dr. how I hope that is true. To think that all those we love are lost to the cold earth is so hard. To think that my loving parents are gone, just wiped out like nothing is so hard.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Seneca
influences sound government
02:20 PM on 07/01/2010
I have progressed beyond the point at which I found myself soon after my own son's suicide. Now, I am merely somewhat less than happy about life though no longer in such abject misery. I was for a long while after my son died in a place that seems similar to where T.S. Eliot was when he wrote these lines from Little Gidding in Four Quartets, his greatest work:

Let me disclose the gifts reserved for age
To set a crown upon your lifetime's effort.
First, the cold friction of expiring sense
Without enchantment, offering no promise
But bitter tastelessness of shadow fruit
As body and soul begin to fall asunder.
Second, the conscious impotence of rage
At human folly, and the laceration
Of laughter at what ceases to amuse.
And last, the rending pain of re-enactment
Of all that you have done, and been; the shame
Of motives late revealed, and the awareness
Of things ill done and done to others' harm
Which once you took for exercise of virtue.
Then fools' approval stings, and honour stains.
From wrong to wrong the exasperated spirit
Proceeds, unless restored by that refining fire
Where you must move in measure, like a dancer.'
The day was breaking. In the disfigured street
He left me, with a kind of valediction,
And faded on the blowing of the horn.

My marriage survives. My daughter is to be married. We suffer still, but we endure and move on.
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marianproletarian
02:49 PM on 07/01/2010
Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing. I'm so thankful my mother wasn't alive when my brother went. Now that I have a little boy I find myself think about him so often.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
TheIndependenceParty
Cranky yankee and a rehabilitated ex-Republican
04:01 PM on 07/01/2010
My best to you, Seneca. My marriage did not last, ... and my oldest surviving daughter was married a while back. I have two grandsons now to share, ... and love does go on, though life not as it did, and never will again.

I think I grow tedious to others now, ... perhaps the weight I feel is the extra weight of myself, carrying the heavy stone I can not bear to drop, ... reflected in how others now see me.

I work to laugh, and when I can help others to do that I feel the stone lighten for a moment.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
moonflowerjewelry
Buy American made, no excuses.
01:22 PM on 07/01/2010
I first want to say how much compassion I feel for this mother and her family. I have a child who has inherited the family tendency towards deep and profound depression, and my greatest fear is losing him to his own despair. I can only imagine the devastation felt by this family.

I seriously doubt, from a pragmatic viewpoint, that this phenomena is anything more than a deep and abiding denial that her son is no longer alive. I certainly have met no shortage of last minute converts to a major religion because they cannot accept the death of someone they love. We are physical animals - if we have a soul that lives on as an extension of our personality, then every animal that ever walked on planet earth exists in some otherworldly plane of existence. I am comfortable with energy going back into the universe, that seems plausible. But a personality, every personality remaining distinct after the body ceases to function? I doubt it. But, it isn't something I can know, so I am not going to worry too much about it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
AngryCitizen
Politician and Gay Author
01:36 PM on 07/01/2010
As a member of the clergy, you'll understand if I disagree. Ask any Scientist if you can destroy energy and they will tell you no. Faith is a gift offered by the Holy Spirit, a gift we are all free to accept or reject. It is the essence of free will. You have chosen to either reject this gift, or were never aware of the offer. I do not condemn you for it or judge you. I wish you only well.
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marianproletarian
01:59 PM on 07/01/2010
But energy and a person's personality are two different things. I believe we go back to the earth, but I doubt there's any consciousness left from what you were as a person.
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cable1977
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance
02:20 PM on 07/01/2010
As a scientist myself, the inability to destroy energy is not evidence of the existence of life after death. Energy can, and does, change forms, as in chemical energy changing into kinetic energy. But nothing in the principle of conservation of energy provides any suggestion or support for the idea that consciousness can, could, or does survive death.
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TankGirlz
Lyrical Combat
01:37 PM on 07/01/2010
Did you read the blog? (just curious, I have it open getting ready to)
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marianproletarian
01:51 PM on 07/01/2010
I read some of it, and it only backs up what moonflower says. Very sad. Not very believable.
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batmancw
Turn fear against those who prey on the fearful
12:37 PM on 07/01/2010
Here's the thing--since we don't really know, beyond LOTS of "anecdotal" evidence what happens to our consciousness when we exit the body, I remain open to the possibility of this type of communication.

That said, there's NO doubt that there are PLENTY out there claiming to be "gifted" who take advantage of grieving parents, brothers, husbands, wives, etc.
12:24 PM on 07/01/2010
I am not a believer in this sort of thing. I am of the opinion that your mind will produce images while we sleep and weave stories from these images. The dreams come from a need to comfort some struggle the mind is having. I think it is only natural that we dream of lost loved ones. It is when we start thinking that dreams are real that we step away from rational thinking. As long as we don't harm others with it, I think it is fine.

In my experience, most of the gifted mediums out there honestly believe they have these powers. I have only known a couple that had doubts about whether they were making it up, but even then they soldiered on and continued to accept the hundreds of dollars an hour for telephone sessions, workshops and the like. I do wish there was something we could do to protect the grieving and the others that seek them out.
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JohnFromCensornati
Wake up! It's 1984.
12:40 PM on 07/01/2010
"In my experience, most of the gifted mediums out there honestly believe they have these powers."

Really? How did you determine that?
01:12 PM on 07/01/2010
I used to make websites and got mixed up in a group of them through referrals. You get to know your clients. It is hard to have an honest discussion about these things in this forum without getting censored. Shame, really. I am surprised any of my posts this morning made it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
eschenk718
01:30 PM on 07/01/2010
If we can believe in God than as far as I can see we can believe in just about anything super natural. To me the big leap is believing in God I do believe. My son, who had been having problems and was suffering from mental illness, just left home without telling us anything. It was not the first time. At times he would be gone for months. We did everything we could think of to help him. He was hospitalized numerous times. In the end he just wanted some peace. He had been gone for several days when he came to me and said "Mom it's ok." I knew he was dead. That was 26 years ago and I still so miss this young man who in so many ways was wonderful.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Seneca
influences sound government
02:39 PM on 07/01/2010
I am sorry for your loss.
01:37 AM on 07/02/2010
I am so sorry your son was so troubled. What an awful thing for a mother to experience. ((hugs))
12:15 PM on 07/01/2010
The mind is truly amazing. It will find a way to bring comfort to it's owner, or at least try. Sometimes that solution leads to other problems. For now, this person's belief that she is communicating with her son is very comforting.

Too bad the gifted mediums can't prove scientifically how their powers work or if they even work. You would think with so many healers and channelers out there at least one would be able to prove themselves. Their clients don't mind if they can't prove things scientifically, they just know they feel better after handing over their payments.

Here is a website where you can learn all sorts of ways to heal people:

http://www.lightworker.com

He was a down on his luck contractor who cried to the heavens one night and lo and behold he started channeling "The Group." He has since traveled the world with his wife and has been able to become abundant.
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JohnFromCensornati
Wake up! It's 1984.
12:44 PM on 07/01/2010
"He has since traveled the world with his wife and has been able to become abundant."

. . . and somebody else has become less "abundant".
01:13 PM on 07/01/2010
Many, many somebody else's.
06:53 PM on 07/01/2010
Maybe they've become more abundant! It's not all about money. In fact, very little of what we truly gain in the way of gifts has to do with money.
11:27 PM on 07/09/2010
Read The Afterlife Experiments. This details all the double blind controlled experiments on psychic mediums conducted at the University of Arizona.
11:56 AM on 07/01/2010
Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you must feel.
That being said, I have to ask: roughly how much money have you channeled to Kim O'Neill? If she were really imparting such important proof of an afterlife, would she be so enlightened as to require a fee?
To Miss O'Neill: What if a poor person wanted to talk to a deceased relative? Could they 'work it off'? I think that if someone could truly communicate with the dead, they would be wielding much more influence in the world. Not operating a crappy web site with schmaltzy music, or flitting from one local talk show to the next. What a horrible con you play. Taking advantage of someone's grief like that.
Please excuse my harsh tone, Doctor Medhus. It's not directed at you.
06:58 PM on 07/01/2010
I understand. Have you read some of the specific things she's predicted? Search my site for "Kim O'Neill, Psychic Medium Extraordinaire" and tell me what you think after you read it. I agree that a lot of psychics are total charlatans. She, however, is the real deal. Unfortunately, we all have to put food on the table and a roof over our family's head, but what she charges is nothing compared to what she gives. The FBI and other law enforcement use her regularly. I think she is wielding more influence in the world. We all do in our own way. Some do so in a way that is like a lit up Marquee, and others do so quietly, one person at a time.
12:48 AM on 07/02/2010
I stated this elsewhere in this thread. I'm sure she could use a million dollars to continue her good works. The James Randi Educational Foundation is offering $1 million to anyone proving they possess paranormal powers.
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CoastalNC
Good thoughts create good things
10:14 AM on 07/01/2010
As a mother I cannot begin to image the grief of losing a child this young and beautiful because he felt that his life was not worth living....my thoughts are with this family. As a daughter who has been visited by her deceased mother....isn't it wonderful to know that the conscious life goes on, just in a different form. My Mom and I had a bet about religion, she would come back someway if she could to let me know that the religion she had raised me in was true...I bet she'd let me know it wasn't. Three months after she passed away she visited me. She was not dressed in the "special" clothing she had been buried in and her only words were "everything is okay" which I took to mean that religion wasn't real and didn't matter...just as I had told her before she passed away. She did what she promised and I have not seen her since.
06:59 PM on 07/01/2010
What a lovely story.
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KrautMan
Carpe jugulum
10:03 AM on 07/01/2010
Just proves my point: Everything is possible with Quantum®.
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JohnFromCensornati
Wake up! It's 1984.
08:45 AM on 07/01/2010
"Eventually, I began regular and direct communication with Erik through a gifted medium."

Actually, you started having regular and direct communication with a "gifted" medium.
09:09 AM on 07/01/2010
Why add quotation marks to a word with an accepted meaning? Are they meant to express an opinion of mediumship? Of giftedness? Or just of your personal bias?
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JohnFromCensornati
Wake up! It's 1984.
09:23 AM on 07/01/2010
"Why add quotation marks to a word with an accepted meaning?"

What is that meaning? I agree that this person is almost certainly "gifted", but I doubt that you and I agree on what that grift is.

"Or just of your personal bias?"

Do your questions reflect your personal bias?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Temsi
Non-conformist. Is that OK?
10:52 AM on 07/01/2010
It means they're "gifted" at manipulation and taking advantage of a grieving parent.
06:59 PM on 07/01/2010
Not true. Read the blog and it'll change your mind.
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JohnFromCensornati
Wake up! It's 1984.
07:19 PM on 07/01/2010
I did read it.