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03:01 PM on 06/05/2011
Bla bla bla...I sense this article comes from her own experience. Not very objective. Every guy watches porn, there is nothing wrong with it.
04:31 PM on 06/05/2011
And it ain't gonna change.
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sanmigmike
02:58 PM on 06/05/2011
"Does Porn Lead to Divorce?" If you think you are going to find something you tend to find it. A better question might be from a male point of view..."What is it about sex that has women having so many rules that are contradictory?" Or... "Do women's magazines and books set up an unreal expectation of romance and married life?" Or..."Do men in bad marriages use porn as an outlet?" "Do men in bad marriages tend to cheat?" Me, I know men in bad marriages that use porn as an outlet. I know men that have had great seeming marriages that looked solid and seemed a bit prudish that had affairs and used hookers. In the long run I see it as some women find porn and other things that men enjoy "bad". Some men are unwilling to change to please their woman. Some women are unwilling to change to please their man. Unless a man is totally obsessed (if a guy is totally obsessed with anything that is good reason for a divorce...porn, wine, toys, sports, sports teams) with porn it isn't really the "reason" for a divorce...but the wife might use it like any other excuse or ammunition to "win" in the divorce game. Nope, poor science here...no true proof of the relationship between porn and divorce...but poor science is what we have learned to expect from the Right.
04:50 PM on 06/05/2011
Um, Huffington post is from the "Left".
02:54 PM on 06/05/2011
Viki Larson seems nice but this is a weak article. I don't disagree with its thoughts in general but...

The pornography was in Bin Laden's compound, but not his quarters. He was not the only guy at the compound. Blame someone else.

Over the decades I have heard that over 50% of divorces are over: 1) money; 2) sexual satisfaction; 3) children; 4) politics, etc, etc. I never see a source cited much less evidence.

My opinion of Douthat and the appropriateness of quoting him is the same as PZ Myers, "I cannot imagine being Ross Douthat ... so bizarre and twisted in his brain that I cannot empathize..."
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JimNast
Mr. President, We must not allow a mine shaft gap!
02:40 PM on 06/05/2011
Does porn cause a poor relationship, or does a poor relationship cause the porn?
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Trickish Knave
Extremes are not indicative of the norm
03:32 PM on 06/05/2011
Great, now I have to rethink everything...
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David Steven
02:28 PM on 06/05/2011
Porn takes something that is intimate and turns it into a spectator sport. When I was a teen, there was a fascination to sex. It had a mystique to it, along with the feelings that went along with it. Porn takes all that away. It's just sex for the sake of sex. I also believe that graphic porn has made it more difficult for women to maintain their safety. Porn portrays women as sex machines. The vast majority of women aren't like that, but there are stupid people who can't differentiate between fantasy and reality. As a result, it endangers women and young girls. Too often we hear sad news of a woman or a girl being kidnapped, sexually assaulted, and murdered. Many times the perpetrator was listed as a sex offender. Their numbers have grown exponentially over the years. Plus I've heard that porn has changed over the years to more perverted and violent themes. I saw an interview with porn star Sasha Grey on the Tyra Banks show. Sasha was 18 at the time, and had just started her career. Curiosity compelled me to see what all the fuss was about. If I mention what I'd seen, my comments wouldn't be posted. We as a society have betrayed our young people. I'm just glad I'm not a parent.
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sanmigmike
03:04 PM on 06/05/2011
I tend to agree more with Birdman...our society has a love hate relationship with sex. The ads with the young kids dressed up and screaming sex. The movies, places like "Hooters" posing as family fun...

No matter what laws are passed porn has been around and extreme porn has been around. But if porn availability was a real causative factor we could look at Europe and see that most countries there have plenty of porn and yet healthy attitudes toward sex. Increasing numbers of sex crimes is also due to an increased sensitivity toward crimes. When I was a kid "date rape" wasn't a crime. Men were supposed to ask for sex and women were supposed to say "NO" but keep saying No until the no really meant yes. Confusing? Indeed it was for both the men and the women. No good woman would say yes so just what no was a man supposed to take. The US by most crime numbers is a safer place than it was years ago and a lot of "crime" numbers are just pulled from the air.
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02:15 PM on 06/05/2011
Pornography isn't the problem; it's American's Puritanical view of sex and the human body. Seeking an outlet for a repressed libido is only natural under such circumstances.
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Lisa B
question everything.
06:34 PM on 06/05/2011
I agree. If only we were as free with sex as we are with violence - I think there'd be a lot less perversion. It's repression that leads people to find release through less acceptable means.

I don't mind a guy watching porn. I don't mind a guy taking things into his own hands. I'd even help him do it. I do mind that the quality of porn is usually really, really bad.
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dsws
No owning ideas. Limit only commercial use.
10:27 PM on 06/05/2011
F
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dsws
No owning ideas. Limit only commercial use.
10:28 PM on 06/05/2011
Ampersands don't post now?

Faved and Fanned
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MrWebster
Moderate this.
01:44 PM on 06/05/2011
Porn is strange thing. Ted Bundy said it lead to his serial killings. Dworkin said it causes men to rape. And now it leads to most divorces regardless of the statistical impossibility as some posters noted.

A few points. First about what the divorce lawyers said. Here is a statisical truth. In any divorce 50% of the lawyers represent women, and 50% represent men. And zazam, about 50% of the lawyers blame men and porn. Methinks maybe the stat is about ex-wifes bashing their ex-husbands to their lawyers.

But Larson makes a common error. She interpets men's sexuality from a female point of view, and of course, it is wrong. To her, men watching porn is about some idealized view of women's bodies, But that is utterly wrong.

For example, one of thee biggest categories of porn is mature women having sex. Let's note in the real world how men who are married to beautiful famous women (arnold comes to mind) have cheated with plain women.

But having said that, the general availbility of porn through the internet has changed men's expectatiions and reveals how women are still caught in older sexual mores.

Look at the difference between amateur and professional porn. The difference is striking. In professional porn women are active and agressive. In amateur porn, women are very passive literally physically unmoving.

I can see how internet porn has affected men's preceptions toward sex; it is not about body but about the role of their partners.
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sanmigmike
03:07 PM on 06/05/2011
Ted Bundy said a lot of things and later admitted that the porn connection he claimed was BS. As far as I know amateur sex, real people having real sex with real orgasms is one of the hotter types of porn...as far as sales and making money. "Hotter" as far your interests may be different...
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DuaneBidoux
Proud liberal
01:33 PM on 06/05/2011
It likely leads to problems if it is excessive like anything else, or, if it bothers one of the people and the other seems unconcerned and makes no effort to deal the with the negative feelings of that person.

I never did like to mow our lawn more than once a week and for 24 years my wife wanted me to mow it twice. In all that time I ignored and did not deal with my wife's issue with the lawn. Although single handedly it hardly caused our divorce it was an example of a much greater problem: the lack of concern we showed over things that bothered the other.

If one spouse dislikes porn and the other does nothing to acknowledge it and come to an agreement then yes it will contribute to a divorce. For my wife and I for the 24 years we were married we would every so often watch porn together (although not even close to all the time). In our case porn had nothing to do with the end of the marriage.
01:23 PM on 06/05/2011
"Face it -- if there's a man in your life, he's most likely watching porn and if you're a woman, you're most likely not too happy about it." I love how it is always the men that are at fault. The men have the porn obsession....the MEN!
Women don't look at porn? Women don't masturbate?
I love too how it is always the guy that supposedly loses interest in sex but still masturbates to porn. Or is it the woman that loses interest....the constant "headaches", "cramps", "I'm not in the mood".....what do you expect is going to happen? But hey......we men make easy targets.
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Lisa B
question everything.
06:44 PM on 06/05/2011
It's become a de facto rule that men are wrong for indulging their much higher sex drive. I don't know why. If women acknowledged and accepted the ways men and women are wired differently about sex, they'd have different expectations and not get threatened by it.
01:12 PM on 06/05/2011
There is a large component of people who eat in restaurants for the majority of their meals who find homecooked food to be lacking in flavor and "bling".

Is this because homecooked food is just not as good as restaurant food?

NO.

It's because restaurants pump up the flavor with loads of fats and salt, and use technique and ingredients to really WOW your tastebuds.

It's more than the restaurant food is artificially pumped up, and once your palate is used to that, "homecooked" no longer arouses the tastebuds in the same way.

It becomes a matter of accustoming the palate once again.

I believe that aspects of this issue are similar...that once someone, specifically a man, has been pumped full of porn, homecooked/homegrown seems to pale in comparison.

But it's the restaurant food that has been artificially ZINGED, it's not that the homecooked food is "less than".

I've worked as a professional chef and feel this is a good analogy :)
03:15 PM on 06/05/2011
Not a good analogy at all, for it doesn't reflect the reality of the experience. I find the analogy laughable.
05:48 PM on 06/05/2011
Your own inability to comprehend a concept, does not alone invalidate it.
04:58 PM on 06/05/2011
Close but still missing the point. The point is that people like to have both .. it is not either/or.
05:47 PM on 06/05/2011
But you don't go out to a restaurant when your wife is at home already cooking dinner and completely unaware that you chose to eat out. And you don't go home full and just pretend that's OK and ignore the meal on the table and the person who made it.

In fact, dining out is something that is negotiated and agreed upon with a couple, appetite and timing both matter. So unless they both want to eat apart from the other for dinner every night, they need to find the area of agreement, learn to negotiate, and learn a little about each other's appetites.

Sounds familiar.

;)
01:09 PM on 06/05/2011
Reminds me of the old comics that used to be in porn mags. Had the stereotypical image of a guy looking at porn and getting so worked up he goes out and rapes the first woman he sees....then the image of reality...a guy masturbating to completion and falling asleep.
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robert horwitz
12:53 PM on 06/05/2011
It's not watching Porn that leads to Divorce. It's peoples unrealistic expectations of what marriage really is that leads to divorce. What have you got when two people decide to marry each other? You have two dopes who don't give any thought to what the heck they are getting themselves into. After a while they are shocked I say shocked to find out that the person that they married isn't perfect. What a surprise! How did this happen in the first place? They both lied themselves into the relationship to begin with. So back to the original idea. Does watching Porn cause divorce? No its just something people do in an attempt to recapture that unrealistic moment of thinking that got these folks into this mess in the first place.
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dsws
No owning ideas. Limit only commercial use.
10:37 PM on 06/05/2011
Then again, some people stay married for decades and are quite glad to do so.
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robert horwitz
05:50 AM on 06/06/2011
dsws You are right. Some marriages do work out quite well. I'm just a glass half empty and evaporating sort of guy.
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GTWiecz
Sociologist, Liberal with fiscal accountability, a
12:35 PM on 06/05/2011
It all comes down to personal preferences, but as I see 99% of the men here defending porn, I have to say: where does respect come in this matter? If your wife feels uncomfortable about it, is that difficult to give it up? If your wife/GF has a habit that makes you uncomfortable
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jlive2003
Do not block the road of inquiry
02:24 PM on 06/05/2011
I think for most of us married men defending porn, porn itself is a way of respecting our wives. Many of us want sex much, much more often than do our wives. If our wives are not willing to have sex more often, what are we supposed to do? It would be supremely disrespectful to force them. That's rape, after all. It would also be disrespectful and dangerous to seek sex elsewhere, with an affair or a prostitute.
03:03 PM on 06/05/2011
Bingo. Most porn watchers would love to be told "porn or me!" It doesn't happen. Feminist Political Correctness to the contrary, many men want to have sex much more often than their wives do.
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sanmigmike
03:10 PM on 06/05/2011
Okay, my wife does things that drive me crazy...things that I feel are wrong...morally and ethically. She sees them as minor things. Should I divorce her since after 31, almost 32 years of marriage she has shown me that she does not respect my standards and will not change? She does not respect me??
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GTWiecz
Sociologist, Liberal with fiscal accountability, a
12:32 PM on 06/05/2011
I have no idea about the statistics of porn use per country but Rita Rudner once said porn was perfect for lazy American men who don't want to make any effort (in making love to a real woman) and who hate giving oral sex (thus their love of femme lesbians in this country). Maybe that's why Latin lovers have a good reputation when it comes to being good in bed? Food for thought.
01:03 PM on 06/05/2011
That's funny. Stereotype much? My favorite part is (thus their love of femme lesbians in this country). What does watching a lesbian perform oral sex have to do with men hating, according to you, to perform oral sex. Wait, I meant lazy American men, as opposed to Latin lovers. Are these Latin lovers male or female....now I am completely confused.
03:05 PM on 06/05/2011
It ain't laziness. It's the real woman with a so-called headache. Often.
12:32 PM on 06/05/2011
Bandaids don't create cuts :-)
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Lisa B
question everything.
06:50 PM on 06/05/2011
I love that. It is so so true.