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jnzcram
yonder072
12:52 PM on 06/25/2011
Many of these kids are sloppy, lie around all day, and are disrespectful.
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brooksjohnson9
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should"
01:06 PM on 06/25/2011
Yes they are are very much so. I have a friend who's daughter dropped out of college after her first semester because of some boyfriend, now the guy is trying to convince her to get pregnant shes 19. I just wonder what the hell is going on in the world today.
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Barry Clarke
Retired Air Traffic Control Aviation Meteorologist
01:09 PM on 06/25/2011
That is the fault of the parent/s. The children generally grow up with the same values of the parents
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HawaiianLady
My name means Gift of God.
01:36 PM on 06/25/2011
I can't stop laughing at that one.
12:51 PM on 06/25/2011
Hwen any of our kids came home from college, for any extended visit, they were given three choices they could be around the house: 1; a tenent - if they want to live like they in a hotel/motel, they had to pay for the service; 2: A guest, in which case three days was about the max and 3: An adult member of the household. They all chose to be a member of the household.
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brooksjohnson9
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should"
01:07 PM on 06/25/2011
You get FnF for that one!
12:35 PM on 06/25/2011
My parents threw me out at about age 20. They gave me 10K (as I did not go to college) for a condo and said goodbye. It was the best lesson I ever had. I survived and well. My sister on the otherhand, now, lets her 3 adult sons and girlfirends, sleep at her home-when it is convenient to them, cooks and cleans for them and to me it is sickening. I cannot tell my mother (grandma) that these grandkids although hard working, are spoiled brats in my sister's home. I never saw them pick up a dish in 25 yrs. Talk about enabling.
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Joe Menor
grow up, and stop whining...
12:19 PM on 06/25/2011
My folks had some specific rules. "Here's the washing machine, I'll show you how to use it. Put your dishes in the dishwasher or they will be placed on your bed. Mow the grass and earn your keep, this is not a Hotel. I'll show you how to iron a shirt for your job interview because you WILL get a job. Eat leftovers or make a sandwich, WE eat at dinnertime and if you're not there for it you're on your own. Clean up your mess or find an apartment". Nuf said
My folks spoiled me rotten but still expected me to behave like a responsible person, I will never forget the lessons they taught.
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brooksjohnson9
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should"
01:10 PM on 06/25/2011
I agree, and that is what seems to be missing, parents today aren't teaching their children these life lessons because they weren't taught!
12:06 PM on 06/25/2011
This article is useful only to those parents who have no common sense and/or have raised spoiled, ungrateful, narcissistic kids - in which case it's too late. So, to those parents I have just described: Have fun! You reap what you sow.
KRTaylor
A scholars ink lasts longer than a martyrs blood
01:21 PM on 06/25/2011
Sooo not completely true. Perhaps a generally accurate statement but I know of too many people who did what they were supposed to do and still ended up with knuckleheads for kids. You can't control your children all their lives and when common sense and decency fail to trump desires and temptations, well, so much for the decent upbringing.
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sjser
12:06 PM on 06/25/2011
I am a veteran parent in this regard. When the time came, I told my children that now our family had become a household of adults. They got the message. That is all I had to say. Having lived here they realized what their father and I had done to make the home "go" and they pitched right in. I only had to say one time that they needed to be in at a reasonable time as they all had jobs and we all appreciated a good night's sleep. The three oldest are now married and have children of their own and have said how smoothly that time between college years went.
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syds180turn
Independent and Proud of It!
11:56 AM on 06/25/2011
I so don't understand some parents being afraid to confront their children. My parents had no problems in telling us what they would and would not tolerate. When we would come home for the Summer, the same rules still applied...period. When are some parents going to stop trying to be kids friends all the time and start being their parents. Your kids behave like this because they've been given the license to do so. My brother and I would never and allow me to repeat myself...never stay out at all times of the night and leave empty glasses, food and other snacks all over the house.
That would be a nuclear meltdown with my Mom much like Chernobyl. As a result, my brother and I both are successful, responsible adults. After we reached this point, then our parents became our friends.
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brooksjohnson9
"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should"
01:13 PM on 06/25/2011
Just my personal feeling, when the government and social services decided to legislate parenting, adults became scared to BE parents for fear of outside intrusion.
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landslowrance
Been There, Done That!
11:55 AM on 06/25/2011
Good Advice, but there isn't a reason in the world why parents can't expect the children to act in a more responsible manner before they go off to school. That way when they come home from school, the ground rules have already been set. Then, your college student will only need a refresher course as to what's expected of him/her.
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bds6543
12:07 PM on 06/25/2011
Good advice, but what you EXPECT and what you GET are different things. This is a new generation, and unlike the prior generation. It's ideal that they would "respect" and then revert right back in an atmosphere of "obeying the rules of the home".. but alas, that is highly improbable ..If they refuse to COMPLY, then what are going to do??Start screaming and have meltdown.?? That sure won't change anything, but make them REBEL more, if they are inclined to do so. Kick them out, or refuse to finance them.. take away their car? What? Ask "nicely"? They nod, then go on and do what they want anyway? Yup they just bob and nod their heads in compliance, but there is no "compliance" in the "way it was before the left home for college.
11:53 AM on 06/25/2011
many parents WISH they had these petty "problems." At least your kid didn't fail their first year, get a DUI or some other arrest or get hooked on painkillers. oh no, your kid left an empty cup on your couch.
01:47 PM on 06/25/2011
Is that not somewhat akin to the panhandlers on subways who use the line, "If you don't give me money I will have to go out and steal, and that will be your fault?" The not getting a DUI, arrested, or hooked on painkillers starts with knowing enough not to leave an empty cup on someone else's couch. Parents are not lucky that their kids don't get in trouble, kids are lucky that they had parents who taught them not to. Can even the children of excellent parents get messed up? Of course, but the chance of that happening decreases significantly with appropriate upbringing.
11:49 AM on 06/25/2011
This year I had several seniors who failed their work and exams miserably. I entered the grades and the grades were changed. A letter was issued, "Okay to graduate". What is okay about this? One boy was absent or cutting my class 79 days. Additionally, he was suspended 26 days which do not count against his attendance. His grades were C, F, F, F in the marking periods, F and F in midterm and final exam.
How is this "okay to graduate"? Accountability, responsibility and achievement are all things of the past. My students don't know or care who fought in WWII, do not understand pH and can't understand why they need to behave in a responsible manner in class or in their own lives.
I had 4 students under age 15 years of age leave to have their babies. Where is the understanding of the real world here?
I was, by no means, the perfect child. I had terrible grades for 2 years in high school. I was rebellious and argumentative. But I always acted in a respectful manner to my teachers and parents. My parents set the rule under their roof & I tried to get around them...and took my lumps when I got caught at it.
To sum up....if you, as a parent, do not make your child responsible for their behavior, YOU are the first irresponsible party. Don't my me guilty for not raising your child. I will teach them if you will raise them.
11:48 AM on 06/25/2011
As a high school teacher, it is refreshing to see that at least SOME people accept the responsibility for raising their own children. One of the greatest difficulties for us is to gain a working relationship with parents. The parents set no limits and will defend the behavior of any child under any circumstance.
I had one parent who claimed I never did anything to help her son do well. First of all, why is this my job? I am not his father. I have not missed a single work day in over 2 years. My office is ALWAYS open and I tutor students before, and after classes as well as during my office hours and usually through my lunch. Where was he? In addition to cutting my class he never handed in any assignments. When she complained to my principal that teachers never contacted her, I opened my folder and showed 4 notices I had send home with her son which were never delivered as well as my call log indicating the days and times I had spoken to her as well as the 4 calls I made to take down a working phone number. I asked her how much allowance I should give him. I know it was sarcastic but I had enough or being accused of incompetence as a teacher with the reason being that she is a weak parent.
11:44 AM on 06/25/2011
A degree in basket weaving just won't help them find a JOB. Wake up parents. If your going to put out all that money for an education, you should make sure it's for a sellable degree.
11:29 AM on 06/25/2011
One thing that helped us with this problem: We had a heart to heart talk BEFORE she went off to school, about the expectations of her summer visits. House and behavior rules were reviewed, placed in the context of her burgeoning independence; the fact that we were paying the mortgage, her tuition, food, etc. We made a "light hearted joke" that we were getting older with different levels of energy and demands in our jobs which required more rest than what she remembered while growing up. Linking the old with the new helped her realize that we were treating her as an "adult" and that we expected the same respect in return. Prior to her actual return for the summer, in one of our "care packages" we routinely sent to her, was included a "love list" of reminders of our earlier conversation. She had time to assimilate our expectations for compliance and her own emotional reactions before arriving home. We also made sure she could offer input on summer plans that may or may not include her so that everyone had a "voice" in the outcome. Thankfully, we only needed to do this once, as she got the message and was able to blend in the family's routines without sacrificing her sense of self. Approaching a child with logic, respect and a clear outline of "duties" is not unlike those expectations that people get from bosses on the job.
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v7howkloosh
12:06 PM on 06/25/2011
SMART PARENTS CONGRATS YOUR AMONG THE FEW~
11:28 AM on 06/25/2011
My third daughter is the exact age of the writers daughter and I'm wondering why an article like this is really necessary. It's all just common courtesy. It goes both ways. When I'm out I let whoever is in the house know where I am and when I'll be back. If I'm running late I let them know. Isn't that the way it should be for everyone and anyone sharing a household? Same with dishes or food. They were responsible for their own breakfast and lunch from a young age. Presumably they had that responsibility in college as well? Dinner is more flexible. My kids like to cook and volunteer on a regular basis. Whenever I cook I ask if they are going to be home. As far as laundry is concerned, that is none of my business. If she runs out of clothes she does a laundry. As long as the stuff is contained in her room, she doesn't worry about mine, I don't worry about hers. That to me is personal. As is the condition of her room. If she wants anything I don't have in the house,she can go get it. But it's all about courtesy. And I hope in light of the fact that there have been incidents of college girls going missing that her and her roommate will have some sort of checking up policy when they are living together. It really is just common sense and courtesy if you are living with someone.
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undrgrndgirl
what's so funny 'bout peace, love & understanding?
11:21 AM on 06/25/2011
too late moms, you are reaping the fruit of you labor..."Rather than confront my daughter, I often seethed silently, since I feared jeopardizing the wonderful relationship we achieved as we survived her tumultuous teenage years."...news flash: you don't have a wonderful relationship.

"my son expects me to make his breakfast"...how did he come to "expect" this?

...if you didn't teach them to clean up after themselves while they were growing up; if you didn't teach them to be self reliant; to respect you as another human being and not a maid/food service, you are at least partly to blame for you current situation. it won't be easy to teach 20-somethings lessons they should have learned in all the years before.

my kids learned how to do dishes, laundry and other household cleaning tasks as soon as they could reach the sink, each of them cooked dinner once a week when they were old enough to handle heat and knives...they know how to do small home repairs... even they lamented their whiny entitled college roommates that didn't know how to run a dishwasher or washing machine, let alone clean a toilet...
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v7howkloosh
12:10 PM on 06/25/2011
OH CONTRARE! NOT ONLY WILL IT BE EASY IT WILL BE FUN! MY SON WOULDNT TAKE OUT THE TRASH SO GUESS WHAT HE FOUND IN THE FRIDGE WHEN HE GOT HUNGRY ?? NOTHING ZIPPO! WHEN HE WHINED I TOLD HIM YOU DONT TAKE OUT THE TRASH SO THERE IS NOTHING TO MAKE TRASH WITH. AND SMILED AND TOLD HIM THEY HAVE THESE PLACES CALLED RESTURANTS AND GROCERY STORES THEY SELL FOOD AND WALKED OFF. WHEN HE TURNED HIS NOSE UP AT FOOD AS A YOUNGSTER I DIDNT MAKE HIM EAT WHEN HE CAME BACK LATER HUNGRY I TOLD HIM I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO IM DONE IN THE KITCHEN THEN HE WOULD ASK ME WHAT SOMETHING TASTED LIKE ID TELL HIM " YOU DONT WANT NONE OF THIS THIS TASTES TERRIBLE NAH GO ON NOW ILL EAT IT SO YOU DONT HAVE TOO AND ID SHOVE HIM AWAY. PARENTS ARE BEING TAUGHT TO DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT COMMON SENSE SHOULD BE TELLING THEM TO DO BY TV COMMERICALS