There are a few things I consider bad habits of mine, which only seem to come up at certain points in life. When they do happen (or I have an urge to pursue them), I know something deeper may be wrong at an emotional level. There may be some sort of problem going on with my relationship, with my finances, or another aspect of my life, but whatever the problem is I have a choice.
Either I can slip and fall back into these old bad habits or I can avoid it. However, the really crucial time is learning to handle those times when I slip in order to overcome them with a lot less shame, guilty, or other unfortunate feelings.
For me, the vices are eating foods filled with gluten and sugar (like cookies), but doing so out of the false belief that it will bring me happiness. The good feelings are fleeting and external, which make them empty and hollowing. What's worse, sometimes I succumb to pornography, which has similar empty results and is damaging over the long term.
Two Steps Forward
Every time humans break a habit and try to form a new one, it takes time and energy to do so. Many times this process looks like two steps forward and a step backwards. The problem for many is when we make two steps forward, a step back, and then get down on ourselves and further push another step back. We have then gone two steps forward and two steps back.
For me, the only way out of such a situation is gratitude. By reminding myself that I am incredibly lucky to have a "bad day" consist of eating delicious food, it suddenly makes the shame and guilt fall away. I literally think "I'm sitting here fretting about eating too many cookies? What about those with nothing to eat?!"
Suddenly, my life gets flipped upside down and what I'm worried about no longer has such a firm grip over me.
How to Recover After You Slip
Here are four things you can do after you have slipped to make sure you do not slip again.
1. Practice gratitude
As I do, practicing some form of gratitude is going to fundamentally alter the way that you operate. Most of the time, if you are practicing gratitude in your own mind it will be spontaneous and fun. If you are able to write it out, it is going to be even more impactful. Try to start a gratitude journal to get the best results from such a technique.
2. Build momentum (and acknowledge it)
Whenever you do something "good" or in line with your values and integrity, it completely changes the dynamic of your guilt and shame. Instead of feeling worse and being hard on yourself, it makes you feel like you're on another path. You're going in another direction and things are looking up. This is one of the best ways, but only if you acknowledge that it is happening. The second you stop eating the ice cream, you are starting the momentum in the other direction. Acknowdedge it. You've won a small victory!
3. Get hardware in order
Your emotions and feelings are software, which are all governed by your brain. They are based on experiences from your past and what social conditioning has told you is "good" vs "bad". The other large component for acquiring a high level of health is improving your hardware. This can be through eating a healthy diet and improving a variety of functions.
One technique I use is fasting, which counterintuitively makes me feel great. It also has a component of purifying the body, which is great when I feel guilt about something I've done recently. Another great one that I've found is using supplements for brain health (hint: creatine is more than just a workout tool). Since I have started using different supplements (often called nootropics or smart drugs), I have been able to maintain my momentum with work, which naturally prevents me from falling off the wagon.
4. Recognize wins
Perhaps the biggest mistake that people make when they are trying to change for the better is not acknowledging their wins. Any time you put your best foot forward in order to make a change, you are taking more action towards a brighter future than most people ever take.
This is something you have to recognize as it helps you to feel gratitude, pride, and confidence, which are all emotions and feelings that can prevent relapses into bad habits.