Listen, I don't want to ruffle any feathers, ok? That's not the kind of thing I enjoy on any level. I like to keep things light and fun. I learned at a young age that there are three things you should never talk about in mixed company: religion, bondage play and politics. That's a rule that has served me well for most of my life. But no matter how hard I try to stay out of political discussions, with all that's going on in Washington right now, I can't bite my tongue any longer. I mean, what do these clowns think they're doing? Those fat-cat bureaucrats can't seem to agree on anything except how much of a raise to give themselves. It's sickening! Well, I, for one, have had enough.
Is it just me, or is this country just going right down the tubes? Just the other night I was watching the news, like I do most evenings, and I swear every commercial break had at least one ad about the presidential election. First you've got this side over here saying "Hey, vote for me! Things'll be great, you just wait!" and then two minutes later, here's Mister No-No-Vote-For-Me saying "Hey pal, watch it! I'm the guy to vote for! I know how to be a president!" That's not even counting the Super PACs throwing out their ads too. PTA Moms for America, National Polyester Manufacturers for the Advancement of Synthetic Fabrics, Kelp Farmers of The Midwest, Volkswagen Beetle Drivers United, the list goes on and on. Who are we supposed to trust? I'll tell you who: Joe Q. America. After all, we're the ones sitting here, like, "Hello? It's the American Public here! Remember us?" I mean come on already!
Did you hear what that one politician said the other day? You know the one I'm talking about, Senator Whiteman or whatever his name was. Could you believe that clown? I sure couldn't. I swear, it's like every other day one of these imbeciles is up in front of a microphone spouting off about god knows what and then just blurts out some racist, sexist, homophobic, ageist, college-footballist, or otherwise offensive remark. Am I the only one who's fed up? Enough is enough already! Now don't get me wrong; I like a straight-shooter as much as anybody, but there's a big difference between telling the truth and just being a doofus. Who's electing all these doofuses? Is it you? Well cut it out, would ya?! Is that too much to ask?
And the sad thing is, the musicians and Hollywood bozos are no better. It's like, hey pal, I'm not paying you for your political opinion, ok? Hush your mouth and go back to tooting that trombone or whatever it is you do. I don't ask my politicians to play the saxophone, do I? That would be preposterous. But these days you can't even go out for a night on the town any more without some west coast millionaire telling you this or that about whatever's going on. I tell ya, it's just too much. I'll stick to curling up with a cup of tea and a good book. At least then I know what I'm getting myself into!
Last weekend I was spending a nice, relaxing afternoon with my family. We had a great lunch together, the kids were all playing and having a great time, and then before you know it, here we are, talking "the issues." I'm like, "Come on!" and my family is all "Oh no you don't!" and before you know it, we're all talking over each other. Tempers were flaring. It was a bad scene, and one that I suspect is playing out in living rooms all over this great nation of ours. My uncle said "Well here's what I would do!" and we were all like, "Hey pal! Hold it right there! With all due respect, I don't think so!" But he wasn't hearing it. It's tearing us apart! And I'm not gonna stand for it any more!
We've got to get this country back on track. I say we vote out all the bums and start over. Boy, that would send a message! I'd like to go up to each politician personally and just get right in his or her face and say, "Hey bub, back of the line!" and send them packing. Well, not all of them I guess. I mean there are some good ones out there, too. Mostly it's the other side that's causing the problems, don't you agree? Let's vote all of THEM out! Now THAT'S the America I love! I guess all we can do is grin and bear it until November. Maybe then things will finally start turning around. Who's with me?