iOS app Android app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Cory Zacker

GET UPDATES FROM Cory Zacker
 

My Mother, Myself

Posted: 05/09/2012 9:59 am

When my son was much younger and deep in the throes of a textbook Oedipal Complex, he looked at me with all sincerity and said, "Mom, why did you marry Dad? Why didn't you wait for me?" I explained as best as I could, but it didn't really matter what I said. I was the love of his life and in his 6-year-old brain (and heart), you marry the love of your life. Simple as that.

What his little self (and my big self) didn't realize was that, in a way, I had been waiting for him my whole life, only neither one of us knew that. I was never the young girl who dreamed of getting married and having lots of kids. I wasn't even the young adult who thought that way. Children were a definite "maybe" for me and didn't necessarily hold a high position on my life's to-do list. I went to college, built a career (or two), bought an apartment, dated, married and lived my life, all without the urge to bring children into the picture. I always liked kids, but never really imagined a brood of my own.

But looking back now, I realize my ability and desire to be a mother were growing all along. And that is thanks, of course, to my own mother. She modeled for me everything a mother should be. She was, and still is today, my teacher, my confidante and my biggest supporter. When I finally did decide to become a mother myself, there was a suspicious test result early on in my pregnancy. She listened to my concerns, asked a lot of questions, and then... took me shopping. She bought me maternity clothes that both fit my growing body and eased my worried mind. Those clothes were a vote of confidence that everything was going to be okay. And thankfully, everything was.

Being a mother is probably the hardest thing I've ever done, and yet, doing it comes naturally because I had such a good role model. It's not a path I thought I would necessarily take, but now that I'm on it, I am certainly finding my way. And if I stumble, I can always call the person who helped make me the mother that I am today. She gives me what children want most: her time. She is always there to listen, to laugh, to advise.

So yes, my delicious son, I did wait for you in a way. I waited until I found the right person with whom to share my life. I waited until I was ready to accept the responsibility and wonder that is motherhood. I waited until my maternal instincts were screaming to be utilized. I waited until I couldn't wait anymore. And then there was you. And if I'm half the mom to you that my mother was to me, then we're in very good shape.

 

Follow Cory Zacker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MosaicTutoring

FOLLOW PARENTS