Admitting the Complexities of Abortion

Planned Parenthood was packed on a Thursday in the frigid Colorado dead of winter. I remember giving up my seat to a woman who looked to be in her thirties and totally unfazed by the crowded lobby on abortion day. She alternated between gabbing on her phone and yelling at her toddler. I flipped through a magazine without really looking at the pages and hated her a little.

It wasn't that I thought she was an evil person. I am not, nor ever was, a conservative Christian -- despite having grown up just miles away from Focus on the Family. In fact, I was at that Planned Parenthood, in order to support a pregnant neighbor. After a condom-break and twist of fate, she was too scared to tell her parents, but too determined to protect her own future. We marched past the pro-lifers with their gruesome placards and went inside, arm in arm.

I was unequivocally pro-choice, but I hated that woman in her 30s because she seemed (I didn't ask) to have such an uncomplicated relationship with abortion. I was jealous. Past my conviction that abortion should be legal and safe, my own feelings were a mess.

I felt that way again at a screening of Jennifer Baumgardner and Gillian Aldrich's film, I Had an Abortion, a couple of years ago. After a riveting film collage of real women who had experienced the complexity and power of abortion, a rather one dimensional discussion took place where older feminists expressed their disappointment in younger women's ambivalence over the issue. A young woman spoke about her conviction that abortion should be legal, but not easy, and another woman, who looked to be in her 50s, immediately yelled out "Abortion is a form of contraception!" Another feminist veteran teared up talking about her misguided students who expressed shame over abortion, but there was a hint of patronizing mixed in with the sadness.

The truth is that my generation (Gen Y, Third Wave, whatever you want to call us) doesn't have the black and white zeal of second-wavers when it comes to abortion. Some of my friends believe that abortion should absolutely be legal, but that they, themselves, would not get one. Some of my friends have already had them; they don't regret it, but a few have seen therapists and healers afterward, aching to make peace with their decisions. I've had heart-to-hearts with many a guy friend trying to support his significant other through an abortion and feeling inadequate and confused.

I see abortion as a very grave and complicated personal decision, and one that every woman is entitled to make for herself. Even though I am pro-choice, I am pro-admitting the complexity of that choice. The fact that so many older feminists are unwilling to even entertain my generation's ambivalence over the psychological or even spiritual implications only serves to squash potential dialogue.

As we celebrate the 35th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade this week, I hope we can remember a bit of the spirit at the Women's March for Choice in Washington, D.C. -- a gathering of over a million people according to some estimates -- back in 2004. Surrounded by men, women and children of all ages, I felt empowered to stand up for every woman's legal right to reproductive choice (not to mention health), but also free to disclose my complicated feelings over the issue. There was space for transformational dialogue as we lay in the grass, listening to the diverse speakers. There was time to look women of all ages in the eyes and say, "This is where I'm coming from. How about you?"

Too often women's studies academics and veteran feminists end up preaching to the choir, cutting off contention, being exclusive with their language. I have sometimes felt like I would be disrespecting my legacy, or worse, personally offending various older feminists that I have deep respect for, if I initiated a conversation about abortion that didn't stick to the movement tag line. Does it really weaken the argument that it should be legal, just because we admit it is also fraught? Divorce is legal and it can cause depression, regret, and animosity; it can also free women up to fulfill their potential, live their fullest lives, have some control over their fate. No one would ever claim that it was unfeminist to acknowledge these potential complications.

I recently taught Introduction to Gender Studies at Hunter College, an affordable city school in New York City with a great reputation, largely populated by recent immigrants or first-generation Americans. In one of my small, discussion courses, a young, working class woman from Far Rockaway raised her hand and said, "I always try to avoid saying this in my women's studies classes because I am afraid I'll get beaten up, but I kinda think abortion is bad."

I urged her to feel free to speak her mind, that this, in fact, was the point of coming together in learning communities. And she did. And, yes, sometimes it made my skin crawl, especially when she said that she "understood how people could want to bomb abortion clinics." Perhaps I experienced a bit of what some older feminists feel when a young woman in their midst wants abortions to be "safe and rare" or expresses concern over its mental health effects. Belief exists, after all, on a spectrum.

It wasn't comfortable for me to listen to that student's opinions, but it was necessary. We created a space where people of very different religious and moral persuasions came together and had a really tough conversation. Pro-choice -- as a stance -- had been personalized for my student; she liked me, how could she ever again hate or advocate violence against "my kind?" (I've known, and am even related to, many a pro-lifer, so that wasn't a new experience for me).

None of us changed our minds, but we left enriched, informed, and, most critically, fully owning our ideas. This respectful exploration, not the intimidating zealousness of some pro-choice veterans, is the ultimate aim of feminism.

Comments

[bettyjean]

Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, it was believed that the soul entered the fetus after the end of the first trimester. Therefore, abortion during the first trimester was viewed as an OK moral decision.

There's much information online, including St. Agustine's thoughts on abortion being OK before the stirring of life in the second trimester. Somehow this view changed later in the Catholic Church's teachings and some Jewish views.

When I encounter a woman who's had an abortion in the first trimester and feels very distraught about her decision, I give her the information from the early Christian teachings on abortion being OK in the first trimester before the stirring of life.

[nurseattorney]

I am of the unambivalent generation when it comes to abortion. I don't care what your religion is, or your circumstances, whether you were raped, or just careless, whether you are married, single, gay, rich or poor, or whether your fetus is healthy or doomed to an early, painful death from some genetic defect. Your uterus - and any fetus living therein - belongs to YOU. As long as you are a competent adult, no one - no government, no religious authority, no spouse, or family member should be able to force you to continue or discontinue a pregnancy.
State laws circumscribing abortion are nothing less than an imposition of primarily Christian religious beliefs in violation of the First Amendment.

[smokepole]

Modern medicine has made giving birth less risky and abortions could be performed in emergencies, but IMHO abortion used as birth control is really not much different than infanticide. Liberals make fun of conservatives over the conception/life issue, but I think liberals are equally ignorant when it comes to the cutting of the cord/I’m now a full human issue. It is quite laughable hearing liberals argue a 7 month fetus isn’t a human being and therefore it is not infanticide when you kill it, yet when another fetus born which is one month younger it is suddenly a human because it is born and killing it would be infanticide. Is it infanticide or abortion to kill a 6 month preemie that was born naturally but still attached to the mother?

[Sciguy]

The abortion issue is not always complex.One scenario:

1. The contraception failed.
2. The woman was taking teratogenic medication that would have caused spontaneous abortion in month 5 or so. Many times, spontaneous abortions kill the woman.
3. The woman had a safe, legal abortion.

I'm old enough to be *first* generation. I am very, very grateful to all who have fought so hard for abortion rights. One sad part of it now is that so many MDs refuse to become trained in abortion procedures, thereby endangering the lives of any of their female patients who may need an abortion to prevent their own deaths.

BTW, that scenario happened to ME.

[Checquoline]

The problem with abortion discussions in these times is that the most revelant aspect of it never gets mentioned. There will always be abortions. There always have been abortions. The difference between legal and illegal abortions is safe and sterile conditions VS filthy butchers who mame and kill. They don't get caught because no one knows the woman is there. Some things, whether you think they are right or wrong, just have to exist.

[Purple Girl]

THANK YOU!!!
This is not an issue of Pro Abortion or Pro Life.
There should be the agreement that the goal is to reduce the need for such methods of Birth conrol- and there must be a personal responsiblity element to th econversation.
I am Pro Choice, and have used my personal right. It was not easy- 20 yrs later it still comes to mind every year. But it was the right Choice. I am in a position now to choose otherwise- which is also my right.
WE must address the real problem- unwanted pregancies!
No unwanted pregancies- no Abortions- easy.
So make contraceptive freely available, sex education in a graduated educaitonal program through out their pre adult years
Encourage men to consider Vasectotomies. Put their reproductive responisblities where they belong - side by side. Have Kids you are not helping support- you're gelded.
You say I have to Have a Baby- Then it is as just to Say You are sterilized.
Same for women who use it as their only form of birth control- 3rd strike you are out!
Offer Sterilization at no cost!!!
As for the "Pro Lifers" it seem to me they are only interested in ONE PARTICULAR BIRTH!
How can they support this war, Do they support Universal Health insurance? Against the Death Penality? supporting Stem Cell research? Working their asses off to bring Poverty, disease and envirmonental issue to the fore front- NO _ JUST YELLING ABOUT UNBORN EMBRYOS (screw the people already here with families, prodctive lives and others who count on them.Oh Ye oh little faith - If A messiah is meant to Return won't God make sure it happens? I think HE could pull that off with out your assistance.And god doesn't need your help to make the Messiahs path any more difficult with your Impositions to the living.

[janmB]

There is hypocrisy in this issue when some of the same people are against abortion for any reason and still believe in executing prisoners, or torture, and wars that were not necessary.

[Halsey]

I hate the idea of abortion..yet am pro-choice.
I am grateful I never had to make that decision..just dumb luck in my youth.

I have female friends..smart (sic) women..who know all about contraception..who have had..3 or more abortions...I hold my tongue..but inside I seethe.. it is so easy to avoid pregnancy...and yes..there are slip ups (i.e., a broken condom or even a vasectomy that didn't quite do the job)...

I'm glad Gen Y'ers give more thought to the procedure than a militant 60 year old feminist..but I am also grateful taht 60 year old woman was brave enough to give women the choice...it's a fulcrum.... and if only parents would be honest with their kids..forget abstinence..won't work in most cases...and teach birth control.

I would also like to thank the men who realize, a woman's uterus is really none of their business.

[Alony]

This is so true and so brave, Courtney. We have to be willing to talk about abortion as a complex reality and not a bullet point on our agenda.

[livesimply]

Pro-choice does not and has never meant pro-abortion. Nobody wants an abortion. It is mentally and physically traumatic. The question/issue is if it should be the personal choice of the individual or of the state. I think it is a private and serious choice. When does life begin? There is no proof. It is a belief based on education and religion. It can be argued ad nauseum and will continue to be ..... How does one legislate belief? You can't.

[Jonahson]

It is just not fair to put pressure on the Presidential candidates hopefuls in forcing them to decide either way on abortion. It is an age old problem that can only be decided over a concensus by women over the age of 18. A mother's love for her child goes beyond boundary. Her pain for her lost child cannot be felt by man. It affects her physically and mentally more than man.
In the USA the divorce rate is high because the parents choose to persue their own selfish interest indivdually. They leave the children with a traumatic experience that alters their development in life. They treat a child like a christmas present dumping them when they get bored by the responsibilty.

[Drewkowski]

I am a male, but STRONGLY support abortion on demand, period. My heart sinks when I think of the sadness, pain and guilt so many women have to feel because of an abortion, and ALL because it is >socially inflicted.<
There should be no guilt in having the procedure. Despite a heartbeat, eyes, movement, and all the stuff the Jesus crowd puts on their sandwich boards, a fetus cannot even feel pain (let alone think/be self-aware) through the first trimester. A HUGE proportion of abortions take place at this time.
So why the guilt? The POTENTIAL? Humbug! Worry about your >own< potential which you may squander as a result, by not becoming a doctor (who performs abortions) or any one of a host of other things. Women should not feel ANY guilt over sacrificing a mass of non-human tissue for the sake of preserving their lives, or for the nobel intent of not wanting to birth a child that would be forced to grow up under compromised circumstances.

[ifyahasta]

Abortion is not, and shoud not, be easy. The goal should be to make abortion extremely rare. We've got to make contraception easier to get and we've got to stop pretending that, if we don't talk to our teenagers about sex, they won't have it.

The woman in that film who shouted that abortion was a form of contraception was dead wrong - and not just from an etymological viewpoint. There's a huge difference between swallowing a pill everyday or getting a shot or whatever and having an abortion. I can't imagine that woman had ever been in the position of making that choice. We have to be able to acknowledge that fact to hold any moral high ground in the debate. If we act like abortion isn't any different from having a skin tag removed, we deserve to be seen as monsters. A fetus at 6 weeks might not be a baby, but it's much more than a skin tag.

By the way, I've faced the decision twice in my life and made both choices. I wouldn't trade my son for anything, but I don't regret my abortion, either. Each choice was the right choice for me at the time.

[writerjohnny]

The problem is clearly that Gen Y wasn't alive for backstreet abortions and 6 month "sabaticals" at the Salvation Army unwed mother's "hospital" on the Northside of Chicago.
It's way easier to have a "complicated" relationship with abortion if you know you can get one legally, safely and without the social retribution. Thanks to the women(and men) who fought for a woman's right to control her body and her life. Huckabee would love to make it even more "complicated".

[Annette]

This can be a very complex difficult decision or a simple easy decision based on the woman involved and the circumstances. There seems to be an assumtion that is is easy, a no brainer by some. Other people agonize over the decision make the best decision they can to meet their circumstances.
The idea that the government should spare women this trauma, as is presented by some prolife groups implies that women are to frail and inept to make their own decisions and need a man to make them for them.

Gen Y needs to realize that the cookie cutter "all women should...." is insulting.
Some women feel abortion is wrong and they certainly should not have one, but they should allow others to believe differently, and allow them to make their decision. The essence of freedom is that every person is entitled to make their decisions and live with the results. The woman who wants to baom a clinic actually wants the power to say I will make your decision for you, I know better than you.