11/28/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Movie Phone Book: My Ticket To Hollywood

Do you remember the first time you stood up in a movie theater, in the middle of a movie, and yelled, "Yeah! That was a great phone number?" Of course you do. It may have been your favorite character visibly dialing a phone, or someone reading a number aloud from the phone book, but it definitely left an impression. When a movie phone number is done right, it fits perfectly into the plot and can inspire the viewing audience.

I've been inspired by phone numbers in the past, and now I want to inspire others. My big Hollywood dream is to get into the movie phone number biz. So, here are a bunch of spec phone numbers that I wrote, along with the type of movie or TV show they would fit into. If you know anyone in Hollywood, please tell them these are for sale. Also, tell them not to steal them, since they are now out in the open.


Phone Number: 555-6871
Where It Could Be Used: This phone number could be used in a children's movie about an evil scientist who owns a cat hotel. The scientist gives cats the ability to talk and do his bidding. In the final scene of the movie, a bunch of rag-tag kids teach the cats to be good cats, and the cats help them win a softball tournament. The phone number would be used in the montage where the cats are making phone calls.

Phone Number: 555-4424
Where It Could Be Used: This phone number is for a sitcom about a Christian family. The dad and mom are a priest and a nun, and the kids are all nuns and priests. The phone number is the number they call when they have a problem and want to talk to God about it. The number leads to an answering machine that is checked by the Pope, and at the end of each episode he calls the house (from the number), and solves all their problems.

Phone Number: 555-1829
Where It Could Be Used: This phone number could be used in a movie about a grandmother who used to be a dancer. Now her granddaughter is a dancer who does modern dance, which is blasphemy to the grandmother (because modern dance is too sexy). By the end of the movie they each learn a little bit about each other and about dance. The phone number would be used when the granddaughter calls one of her dance teachers to find out what her final grade was on a dance test. FYI: she got a D on the test, which is a pretty good grade because the 'D' stands for Dance.

Phone Number: 555-3257
Where It Could Be Used: This is a phone number for a science fiction movie that's just like Galaxy Quest. The movie would be a really fun twist on science fiction films, and would have a diverse and funny cast. It would pretty much be Galaxy Quest. The phone number would be used when the main character calls Tim Allen for advice, since Tim Allen already went through similar things in Galaxy Quest.

Phone Number: 555-8981
Where It Could Be Used: This could be a great phone number to use in an episode of Mad Men.*

*I think phone numbers might have worked differently in the 1960s, but Matthew Weiner can make it into a cool 1960s style number.