THE BLOG
07/04/2014 01:28 pm ET Updated Sep 03, 2014

'Twas the Night Before the Hot Dog Contest...

'Twas the night before the hot dog contest,
And in Coney Island, not a gurgitator was sleepin'
But dreaming of the morrow's Herculean eatin'

The hot dogs were all grilling, near the Wonder Wheel,
Focused on elasticity, snap, and mouth feel.
The buns were all nestled near the roller coaster,
With nightmares of being dunked, as if in a reverse toaster.

The condiments were all safe, hanging with Dick Zigun,
A freakshow needs no relish, you can guess the reason.
The championship belts, one pink, one mustard yellow
Arrived backstage at Nathan's, under guard of a large fellow.

The women all dreamed of more than forty-five,
Sonya the great, Miki the new will have a bun buzzer beater live.
When what to my wondrous stomach should appear?
But Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, the man most meat should fear.

George Shea trumpets, Rich Shea ESPNs
The Nathan's International Hot Dog Contest is about to begin
The Irish oyster champ, a cross disciplined athlete, chomps,
The Stillwell and Surf crowd, all forty thousand, stomps.

Eater X, with smudged makeup, easily hits fifty,
His Adonis looks and personality are really quite nifty.
But this is a battle; Weenie war has come to Coney,
With Sir Chestnut and YouTube sensation Matt Stonie.

Which of these gustatory gladiators will emerge draped in glory?
Find me at Ruby's, buy me a beer, and I'll tell you the true story.
I am the unqualified defeated eater, sipping with a sigh,
Dreaming of next year, but wishing you a happy 4th of July!

Crazy Legs Conti will be eating kale this July 4th at www.crazylegsconti.com

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