Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 1, Episode 7 of HBO's "Girls," entitled, "Welcome to Bushwick a.k.a. The Crackcident."
Excuse me if what I'm about to say sounds vaguely familiar, but oh, shit, fuck, are we supposed to like Adam now?
You see there are two sides to every story, and it looks like up until this week's episode, we'd only been getting the "Adam is a total douchebag" story from Hannah's perspective. However, Lena Dunham managed to find a way for us to sympathize (ever so slightly) with the shirtless potential sociopath. He's just misunderstood! Why, you ask? Because Hannah never took the time to understand him. So what better time than a warehouse party in Bushwick?
"That's Adam. I've never seen him outside his house. I've never seen him with his shirt on."
For the first time in the series, we finally get a glimpse of Adam outside of his natural habitat, and guess what? He likes to read books, he has friends, and he even owns a few shirts! I know this is a lot to take in, but the truth is, Adam doesn't look nearly as douchey with clothing on the upper-half of his body.
Not to mention that he has friends, really good friends, who like to be in his company because he's fun(.) Despite calling Adam her boyfriend and wanting him to commit to a relationship he never mentally signed on for, Hannah doesn't really know anything about Adam. For example, he's a recovering alcoholic. "It's been a part of my life since I was 17," he tells Hannah.
Hannah's inability to talk about anything but her own problem stems from her personality. She's selfish -- completely and terribly selfish -- but that's OK because everyone has "that one friend who only talks about herself."
Every time she went to Adam's, she only wanted to talk about what terrible thing was happening in her life: "Oh, I was fired from my unpaid internship," "Oh. my life is so hard and I don't have any money" and "Oh, I just came over for sex."
Adam had a good point: "I'm not going to fucking talk your ear off about shit you don't ask about." (Are you taking notes Hannah?)
Naturally, she was surprised to see that Adam actually had a life outside of her and her issues. I'm not saying that Adam is perfect. No, not at all. He's still a major sex-addicted douchebag, but at least now we know that there's more to Adam than shirtless bicycle kicks and shameless masturbation.
When Hannah was in Michigan, she started to soften toward Adam, and after one wild Bushwick rager, it looks like these two are finally BF/GF. I'm not quite sure if they're Facebook official, but Hannah seems like the type of person who would immediately change her status so that all of her former Oberlin friends would know for a fact that she wasn't a lesbian. And I'm pretty sure Adam doesn't even have a Facebook.
Hannah and Adam may finally be official, but Marnie is more miserable than ever. You see, poor, sweet Charlie has moved on, and his new girlfriend is the complete antithesis of Marnie.
Upset that her ex-boyfriend (who she totally broke up with, by the way) moved on so quickly, she finds comfort in Elijah, Hannah's ex-boyfriend who is now totally gay. Marnie then proceeds to dump all of her problems on Elijah, who looks as miserable as Mr. Horvath after throwing out his back and falling naked out of his shower.
Marnie says things like, "Hannah always does this; She's so selfish; She's always been this way," and then she makes fun of Hannah's appearance because you know, that's just what BFFs do. Luckily, Elijah speaks the word of God and calls Marnie out for being the pot calling the kettle black. Marnie is just as selfish as Hannah. She attacked Elijah and dragged him away from a party so that she could tell him about her horrible life and her horrible ex-boyfriend and her horrible best friend.
I'm not saying that Hannah and Marnie aren't good friends, but nothing in this series has convinced me that these two are best friends. OK, they did dance to Robyn, but I'm pretty sure that when Robyn comes on, you can dance with anyone, even a total stranger, and it will look like you're BFFs.
I just want Hannah and Marnie to have a real conversation about anything. The "totem of chat" conversation was a good start, but we've never actually seem them talk on a deeper level. I do have to give Marnie credit: She did come to Hannah's rescue when she was stuck with Adam in the wasteland that is Bushwick.
However, now that Hannah and Adam are officially GF/BF (against Marnie's advice), Hannah and Marnie's relationship is only going to get more strained. There's nothing worse than having a best friend in the honeymoon stage when you just broke up with your boyfriend.
Sweat pants and cupcakes are definitely in Marnie's future.
Meanwhile, Jessa -- who showed up at this Bushwick warehouse party looking like David Bowie in "Labyrinth" -- gets a mysterious text message from someone asking what she was doing. Jessa, being Jessa and not a rational human being, texts the stranger back, telling this person to meet her at the party in Bushwick.
Turns out that this stranger was actually her boss -- her married boss Jeff.
He must really be going through a mid-life crisis because what person brings a bottle of wine to a Brooklyn warehouse party? Molly, sure, but wine? These crazy kids don't want wine! They only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon anyway.
Things have always been slightly awkward between Jessa and Jeff, so I wasn't surprised when he tried to kiss Jessa in the hospital after getting the crap beat out of him by two annoying hipsters. He wanted to get it on, but thankfully, Jessa said no.
Here's why I love Jessa: She's genuinely sexy, funny and rather precocious. It's easy to write her off, but unlike Marnie and Hannah, she's actually starting to show some growth. In "Hard Being Easy", she had sex with her ex-boyfriend (the one with terrible sideburns) simply to prove that she could. She said that she was "unsmoteable."
However, now she's starting to realize that her carefree ways have consequences -- like destroying a marriage and breaking up a family. Think of Bella and Beatrix, Jessa! Of course, Jeff gets mad and calls her a tease (after crying on her shoulder). Maybe she is a tease -- an "unsmoteable" tease -- but she did the right thing.
While everyone else is dealing with relationship issues, Shoshanna is running around Bushwick high on crack. Yes, crack. Poor innocent Shoshanna thought she was taking a hit of weed, but she actually took a hit from a crack pipe.
"I smoked some pot in line for the bathroom, which is so dirty, do NOT go in there unless it's an EMERGE."
Zosia Mamet is a genius. Shoshanna could have easily been a one-dimensional caricature, but Mamet delivers a hysterical, genuine performance. Unlike every other character, at least Shoshanna is likable. How could you not love her for saying things like, "Oh my god! Don't tell my mom!" Honestly, I wouldn't want my mom to know I smoked crack either. It's not very becoming of a young lady.
While Shoshanna runs and screams through the streets of Bushwick, it's Ray's responsibility to chase after her because Jessa was too preoccupied with Jeff. (It was an EMERGE!) Hey, at least Ray got a groin massage out of it! Surprisingly, that was the only slightly sexual thing to happen at this Bushwick party, making this the first episode of "Girls" without awkward, disheartening, sad, and/or geriatric sex!
Oh Bushwick, you're full of so many adventures.
"Girls" airs Sundays at 10:30 p.m. ET on HBO.
Follow Crystal Bell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/newyorkbell