Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 16 of Fox's "Glee," entitled "Saturday Night Glee-ver."
It wasn't perfect, but for the first time in weeks, there was actually character development, as Mercedes, Santana and Finn finally make post-McKinley decisions. Sure, at times it felt like a Lifetime movie adaptation of "Mamma Mia!" -- too many cookie-cutter, feel-good moments for my taste -- but despite the cheesus, it worked. Mercedes got her groove back, Santana found her groove and Finn finally made an appropriate life decision.
Oh yeah, and holy falsettos!
Also, any episode that starts off with a disco Blaine number gets my stamp of approval -- even if I had no idea what was going on for the first few minutes. So what did happened? I have no idea. Blaine just started singing, and then a disco ball appeared out of nowhere. I was confused. Thank god for Mike and Brittany because I just can't take Blaine's dancing seriously. It was like watching a hundred Taylor Swift surprise faces tied up nicely with a little bow tie -- an adorkable bow tie.
Then we learn that this year's Regionals theme is vintage because vintage is, like, so in this season. However, who decided that vintage meant disco? Was I the only one that wanted to see the New Directions cover some '90s pop? All I want in life is to see "Glee" cover Aqua's "Barbie Girl."
Well, that's not all I want in life. I also want more screen time between Kurt and newcomer Wade Adams, who happens to be Vocal Adrenaline's ringer.
Wade is pretty much the president of Mercedes and Kurt's fan club ... even if he's a member of the New Directions' toughest competition. He's struggling to fit in at Carmel High School and deal with glee Nazi Jesse St. James, who is now the Vocal Adrenaline coach, but his admiration for the McKiinley High BFFs isn't the only reason he went to Mercedes and Kurt for help. Wade identifies himself as a woman, and he doesn't quite know how to let his inner diva Unique (who is pretty much Mercedes and Kurt's lovechild) shine.
Wade comes to McKinley to ask Mercedes and Kurt for help. He wants to be his true self on stage at Regionals; He wants to be Unique. However, Mercedes and Kurt aren't so sure he should go full-glam on the Regionals stage. This is Ohio we're talking about.
But when Sue finds out about Wade's cry for help, she turns it into an opportunity to sabotage Vocal Adrenaline. Sue pulls out a size 13 pair of heels from her drawer and tells Mercedes and Kurt to give them to Wade. If he wants to dress in drag for Regionals (in front of conservative judges, no less), then why not let him?
Unfortunately for Sue, he plan backfires, and Unique totally kills it with her show-stopping performance.
"Glee Project" runner-up Alex Newell isn't the strongest actor, but his naivety added to his charm, and it was practically imposible not to cheer for Unique when she stepped onto that stage and delivered the performance of her life. Seriously, Unique gives Mercedes some fierce competition, and I can't wait until these two duke it out in a diva-off. This is by far the best performance of the night.
However, I would like to point out that this storyline was inspired by Newell's performances on "The Glee Project," where he often sang in front of "Glee" co-creator Ryan Murphy in drag.
Meanwhile, back in the choir room, Mr. Schue, like the rest of us, wonders what some of his kids are going to do after graduation, namely Santana, Mercedes and Finn.
In order to inspire the glee club, Mr. Schue and Sue -- the dynamic disco duo -- suggest that they glee club sing songs from "Saturday Night Fever" and compete for a ... gift card to Breadstix? No. A chance to pick the songs for Regionals? No. A customized white polyester three-piece suit a la John Travolta?! You betcha! I mean, what teenager doesn't tacky want free stuff?
Now, I rarely compliment Mr. Schue -- except for when he wears a really cute sweater vest -- but do you know how hard it is to sing an entire song in falsetto? Kudos, William. That might have been your best musical performance since Season 1's "Don't Stand So Close To Me/Young Girl" mashup.
Out of all of the students at McKinley, is Mr. Schue really only worried about Mercedes, Santana and Finn? Because I'm still pretty worried about Brittany, Puck and Quinn, who happened to be absent from McKinley this week.
And why should these kids listen to Will? He's a divorced Spanish teacher -- who doesn't really know Spanish -- with a psycho ex-wife and a hyper-neurotic fiance. And don't even get me started on his hair. Kids, this is your brain on glee. Don't let it happen to you.
Schue thinks Mercedes lacks direction; Mercedes thinks Schue can take his jheri curl hair gel and shove it. What Mercedes wants in life is to "sing big fat juicy No. 1 hits that inspire people." She wants to be like her dream divas, Mariah and Whitney (R.I.P), but she doesn't believe that she can really make it in Los Angeles, where everyone is the cream of the crop and she's just "skim milk."
Thankfully, White Chocolate (Sam) is there to knock some sense into her. After recording Mercedes' performance of "Disco Inferno," Sam uploads it to YouTube. Why, you ask? Because he believes in her.
Not only does it receive 435 views (and counting), but the comments are all really positive. Yeah, because that would totally happen in real life. I'm not saying that Mercedes isn't a super talented diva, but YouTube commenters are oftentimes just really big jerks.
Mercedes, now inspired to take LA by storm and release her inhibitions, kisses her White Chocolate. Now remember, Mercedes, when your boss offers you a trip to Paris for Fashion Week and your boyfriend begs you to stay, always -- and I mean always -- choose Paris. May we learn from Lauren Conrad's mistakes.
Meanwhile, Santana's only goal in life is to become famous, and she'll do anything to get to Hollywood -- even if that means going the Kim Kardashian route, if you know what I mean. Well, not exactly. In fact, she'd rather not go that route ... but too late! Brittany already posted their sex tape -- "2 Girls, 1 Cat" -- online.
With good intentions, Brittany uploads the couple's sex tape, spliced with footage of her Lord Tubbington performing household chores, of course. But, as Sue says, Brittany has a good idea every few years, so they applied to the University of Louisville for Santana, and she receives a full scholarship for cheerleading.
Now, I'm not going to tell you how completely unrealistic and ridiculous this is. Nope. She just needs more time to figure things out, and if cheerleading borrows her some time, then why not? Also, it's nice that at least one New Directioner isn't headed for The Hills or the city. She's actually making a normal decision, and I'm OK with this.
Unlike, you know, Finn and Rachel.
Finn is as clueless as ever, but at least Finchel shippers can rejoice because after last week's dramatic lovers-spat, the two reconciled. Shockingly, Rachel was the one to say sorry first. See? She's growing too!
She tells Finn that she wants him to figure out what he wants, and if it's not New York, then she's not leaving. If Finn wants to stay in Ohio, then Rachel will stay will him.
There are so many things about this relationship that bug me. Why is Rachel inspiring young girls to be dependent on their boyfriends? If Finn doesn't want to go to New York, that doesn't mean that she should give up her dreams to follow him across the country like a little puppy.
However, something's still not right, and Finn still isn't happy. He just wants to be young! Did he not get the memo? Fun.'s "We are Young" was, like, so three months ago.
Mr. Schue, being the super duper snooper that he is, followed Finn and realized that he threw out all of his college pamphlets. How rude! So what does Mr. Schue do? He forces Finn to sit and watch "Saturday Night Fever."
After telling Rachel that she's "More Than a Woman," Finn agrees to move to New York with his fiancee and pursue his dream of ... acting? He wants to take on the world -- like Tony Manero -- and be an actor. Yes, an actor. His exact words were, "It's my dream. I want to be an actor."
And you know what? I'm not even mad. I get it. I mean, this is the same kid who believed in Grilled Cheesus and sang "I'll Stand by You" to a sonogram. He'd be a perfect actor!
"Blaine's handsome brother said it best: College is a waste of time. I just want to be famous."
"Let's be honest, William. You've been out of ideas since Madonna week."
"No offense, gay Berry."
"Just like I'm sure that our man-child of a piano player keeps a Eurasian locked under his bed."
"I did one of those quizzes online that was supposed to tell you what you'd be good at and mine was competitive eating champion."
-- Finn (Me too, Finn!)
"I came up with an idea that will make you Snooki famous -- but without all of the blackout drinking."
"I want to go to Inside the Actor's Studio."
"You're no skim milk, baby. You're cream, rising to the top."
"Glee" airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Fox.
Follow Crystal Bell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/newyorkbell