Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 13 of Fox's Glee, entitled, "Heart."
After a few weeks of painful misses, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to restore my love for Glee again, but then the series showed my its "Heart," and I was immediately sucked back in to the McKinley high drama. Of course, it may have had something to do with it being Valentine's Day and all. There's just too much love in my heart!
This was a standout episode of the season for a few reasons. Sue and her ridiculous baby subplot were M.I.A., and Will? Well, he only had a few lines, which gave more screen time to the adults that I actually care about! Not only did we finally meet Rachel's dads -- who added some much needed adult humor to the mix -- but we also saw Rachel and Finn come to terms with what it means to be married. Sure, they still have no clue of what they're getting themselves into, but they're taking baby steps into adulthood.
Hey, letting your significant other poop in your bathroom is a pretty big step, okay? And yes, that was an actual plot development in tonight's Glee.
Perhaps the most anticipated moment of the episode was Amber Riley's cover of the late Whitney Houston's hit "I Will Always Love You," as originally written and performed by Dolly Parton. It was a beautiful cover, and it was the perfect song for Mercedes to sing to Sam. Although it was a completely unintentional song choice for the writers, it was still a haunting performance. Not to mention that it really showed what a timeless love song Whitney Houston had created.
Let's start with all of the new faces we were introduced to this week -- and one returning face that I totally did not see coming.
"Heart" marked the Glee debut of the second "Glee Project," Samuel Larsen. Now, let me start by saying that I wasn't Larsen's biggest fan on the "Glee Project." I was always Team McGinty, but after seeing how underutilized Damian McGinty has been all season, I figure that I would really have the time to be annoyed by Larsen -- and his dreads -- because he'll barely have any screen time.
Larsen plays new transfer student, Joe Hart. He's pretty much like a teen Jesus, to steal the words directly out of Quinn's mouth. He's got Biblical tattoos and each one of his dreads is named after a Bible verse. Oh, and he doesn't like wearing shoes.
Honestly, I was a little afraid for teenage Jesus. You see, when Santana asks the God Squad -- Quinn, Mercedes, Sam and Joe -- to send a vocal valentine to her girlfriend Brittany, teenage Jesus had a bit of a problem: Isn't being gay, like, wrong?
Oh no Joe. You don't want to go there. The wrath of Brittana fans can be pretty scary. After a bit of Bible talk, the God Squad unanimously decide to honor Santana's request. "Cherish" is a pretty song and all, but was anyone else waiting for a bigger Brittana moment? I mean, the two barely kissed, and I feel like Brittany hasn't said more than 10 words in weeks.
I feel like the writers channeled all of out Britanna frustrations into one brilliant line, as said by Principal Figgins: "Believe me, I'd much rather see you and Santana kiss rather than that so-called Finchel." Word.
However, I will say that Brittany's Valentine's Day playlist for Santana was probably the cutest V-Day gift ever.
In fact, in case you missed it, here's Santana and Brittany's Infinite Playlist:
Back to teenage Jesus... fun fact: I've never been a fan of Larsen's dreads. They just want to make me wash my hair... multiple times... in a row. Also, I would also like to point out that this teen Jesus role should have gone to Cameron Mitchell, a fellow contestant on "The Glee Project," and Ryan Murphy's original inspiration for teenage Jesus. Just watch this video, and you'll know why. Rant over.
We get our first taste of the new kid's musical ability when he, along with the rest of the God Squad, delivers a vocal valentine to Rachel. Larsen tries to pull off his best Adam Levine, but not even Xtina would press her button for this "Stereo Hearts" cover. Sure, Mercedes, once again, sounds flawless, but I just couldn't get over one major flaw: Why is Sam rapping? As much as I love me some White Chocolate, Sam has nothing on Artie Abrams. Let's just leave the rapping to Artie, okay Glee?
Also, who knew McKinley had such an amazing gospel choir? (But as several of you have noted, this is actually Mercedes' church choir. I guess I was too busy staring at teen Jesus' dreads to hear that exchange.)
But by far, the most surprising pleasant performances of the night came from guest stars Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes Mitchell, who played Rachel's dads Hiram and LeRoy.
I absolutely adored these two. LeRoy's having ice-fishing dreams about Tony Danza. I mean, is there anything else I need to say. However, I was a little thrown off by the way that they embraced Rachel's engagement, but I think Hiram really just wants to plan a wedding.
However, let's get one thing straight. LeRoy and Hiram will never replace Burt Hummel -- aka "Father of the Year" -- in my heart, no matter how many vocal runs LeRoy throws into a song.
They plan a Valentine's dinner with the Hudson-Hummels, and after one adorable piano performance of "You're the Top" -- hey writers, I see what you're doing here -- the Berrys and the Hudson-Hummels sit down for one of the world's most awkward dinners ever. Topic of conversation included lube and teenage sex.
You see, it turns out that LeRoy and Hiram weren't so happy about Rachel's engagement, so they, along with Burt and Carol, stage a very inappropriate intervention -- they send them up to Rachel's room for an impromptu "sleepover." After all, once you're married, these things happen regularly, you know?
Rachel and Finn finally tell the rest of the glee club about their impending nuptials. Quinn, of course, doesn't think they're emotionally mature enough or responsible enough for marriage. Because Quinn is totally the most mature character on Glee, right? One minute she's completely cuckoo and the next minute, she's the voice of reason.
And then we were treated to one very big surprise. Dave Karofsky returned! I was so excited, I literally gasped. Just went I thought "Glee" majorly dropped the ball on Karofsky's story line, they brought him back, and you know what? He finally told Kurt about his feelings for him. He even reached over to hold his hand at the table, which sadly, is way more than I can say for Brittany and Santana.
However, just when you think this is going somewhere, Kurt breaks Dave's heart, and he runs out in embarrassment and fear. Then, of couse, we cut to Sugar's Valentine's Day party, where Blaine miraculously returns and starts a total party conga line while singing The B52's "Love Shack."
Sigh. Maybe he'll show up after the seven-week hiatus.
Meanwhile, Rory and Artie are both fighting for Sugar's love and affection. I was so shocked that the writers actually gave Rory anything to do this episode. I almost forgot all about "Irish" and his lucky four-leaf clovers.
I mean, if I were Sugar, I'd definitely chose the Irishman. Not only does he have a dreamy accent, but he also gave her a puppy. Naturally, I'm easily swayed by puppies. However, I will say that Artie's cover of Mario's seminal "Let Me Love You" could have easily swayed me... until Rory sang Michael Buble's "Home." That's pretty much my No. 1 tear-jerker.
And wait a minute, did Rory just tell everyone that he has to go home at the end of year? This makes me sad. Sure, they haven't really given McGinty a lot to do this season, but that doesn't mean that I won't miss him -- and his Irish accent.
To be honest, I don't think Rory's going anywhere. It looks like he was just lying to get Sugar to feel bad for him and therefore, be her date to the Valentine's Day party. Well played, Irish, well played.
Lastly, I really love the Asian super-couple Mike and Tina. Do they have a couple name yet? Because they deserve one. Seriously, Mike and Tina are the most stable relationship on Glee, and their rendition of "L-O-V-E" was absolute perfection.
"I love the sound of applause, even if I have to buy it."
"No single people allowed. They're sad, and boring, and they don't exist in my world."
"It's a playlist of all of the songs that I hear in my head when I'm with you. I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine's Day, but this was as far as I got without any help."
"Believe me, I'd much rather see you and Santana kiss rather than that so-called Finchel."
-- Principal Figgins
"I'm sorry too because all I want to do is be able to kiss my girlfriend, but I guess no one can see that because there's such an insane double standard."
"If you don't support us, then I feel sorry for you, and you're not invited to the wedding, which makes me really sad because I would have loved to see you in a bridesmaids dress Quinn, and you as well Kurt."
"I fully support your right to be unhappy with Finn for the rest of your lives."
"I said, 'LeRoy, these guys sold us the wrong lube.'"
"I like Carol after three Chardonnays!"
"Honesty, respect, dance. Those are the foundation of the Berry family."
"Maybe my dad can buy Ireland!"
-- Sugar (She's pretty much like the new Brittany, right?)
"Glee" airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. EST on Fox.
Follow Crystal Bell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/newyorkbell