Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 19 of Fox's "Glee," entitled "Prom-asaurus."
It's senior prom time at McKinley High, and you know what that means: "It's gonna be a night to remember! It's gonna be the night to last forever!" Oh, wait, no. That was East High School. Sorry, wrong high school musical prom. (Finn Hudson wishes he had moves like Troy Bolton.)
Back at McKinley, Finn and Rick "The Stick" Nelson (that red-headed hockey player) face off with senior class president Brittany for prom king. Unsurprisingly, Brittany doesn't really remember being elected Class President.
Competing against Santana and Missy "Somethings," Quinn wants to be Prom Queen by any means necessary -- especially since Kurt won the coveted title last year, breaking poor Quinnie's heart. In an effort to take home the crown, she campaigns with her ex Finn. Rachel is not happy, and her jealousy of Quinn (circa "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty") comes back in full force.
Sad Rachel sings Fergie's seminal hit "Big Girls Don't Cry" alone -- with the orchestra -- in the auditorium. Of course, then McKinley's cutest couple Kurt and Blaine join her, and the trio have a threeway pity party. Rachel cries over Finn and Quinn (hello déjà vu), Kurt doesn't want to go to prom after last year's debacle and Blaine laments Brittany's newly-implemented "No Hair Gel At Prom" rule.
In an effort to boost their spirits, Rachel goes rogue and organizes an anti-prom party -- or as Santana calls it, an "I'm a victim party."
Meanwhile, Teen Jesus is still helping Quinn with her physical therapy, where she is slowly starting to walk again. Teen Jesus wants to share the happy news with the New Directions, but Quinn doesn't want to just yet. Instead, she plans to use her wheelchair status as a ploy to get more Prom Queen votes. And so the character regression begins.
Quinn is McKinley's biggest bitch again. You would think that almost losing your life in a car accident would change your priorities, but not for Quinn Fabray. She's still vying for Prom Queen. Didn't we already have this storyline ... last season?
She plans to keep her physical progress a secret until she's crowned Prom Queen because she wants everyone to applaud and cheer. Finn, after accidentally spotting her outside of her chair, is disappointed.
"You're still the same old Quinn," he tells her. Yeah, that's the biggest problem with the show. The writers ditch character development for the sake of plot.
Despite his anger, Quinn pleads with Finn to take her to the prom, and we all know that Finn has a hard time saying no to Quinn, so he agrees.
Brittany -- a.k.a. the glee club's resident Ke$ha -- organizes a dinosaur-themed prom, complete with berries, water and giant chicken legs. Once again, New Directions is asked to perform. Brittany takes on Ke$ha's "Dinosaur" (so bad it's good), while her girlfriend Santana sings Selena Gomez's "Love You Like a Love Song." Rounding out the medley of Top 40 hits is "What Makes You Beautiful," a pop tune originally by British boy band One Direction, covered by the boys of New Directions.
Finn causes yet another scene on prom night and yells at Quinn to stand up -- I thought Finn was going to go full-on HULK. Before things can go any further, Finn leaves the prom and goes to the hotel to rally the debbie downers.
It just so happens that Rachel was conveniently putting on her prom dress when Finn crashed the anti-prom party. Bored to tears, Kurt and Blaine head to prom with Rachel and Finn.
When she arrives at prom, Rachel apologizes to Quinn for her jealousy, and in one of those emotional "I really <3 you" scenes, reminds Quinn how much she's grown and become an inspiration.
"I voted for you for prom queen because you deserve it," Rachel tells her. Well, now Quinn feels bad. So when she gets a chance to pay it forward, Quinn gives up her crown -- and in cahoots with Santana -- Rachel is crowned prom queen, and Finn is her king.
Those write-in votes are great for plot holes!
"Don't you want to make a difference?," Quinn asks Santana. Yes, Quinn, I do want to make a difference. I understand that you feel like you owe Rachel because she voted for you and she wished you luck and she cries a lot, but you had an actual opportunity to make a difference. Why didn't you give Becky the crown? Or crown Santana and Brittany the Prom King and Queen? That would have made an actual difference. We all know that Rachel is going to somehow get into N.Y.A.D.A. anyway.
Well, at least Rachel didn't let that dress go to waste. It's not like she got to enjoy the spotlight because sooner than you could say take my breath away, Quinn popped up out of her chair -- with a little help from her sometimes-frenemy Santana -- and she finally got the applause she so desperately craved.
Now, I know that some of you are going to say that this scene was important because it marks progress for Quinn ... but can't we say that about all of the other times throughout the last three seasons that she's done something nice? I'd much rather have Quinn be a rotten bitch consistently than to have her flip-flop every other episode.
Quinn started the year as a pink-haired, chain-smoking "skank," who then went on a psycho rampage to try and regain custody of her daughter, Beth, from her adoptive mother, Shelby. And when that didn't work, she wanted to get pregnant again. Suddenly, something snapped and she was "nice" Quinn again. Then, throughout this episode, we're supposed to believe that she's bitchy Quinn again because of her desire to be Prom Queen?
Now Quinn is supposedly on the up-and-up (literally, up) journey to Yale, and I just don't buy it. I'm sure something will happen at Nationals, and then her and Rachel will once again have a truce by graduation. That's just the way things work on this show.
More Episode Notes:
- Brittany is flunking all of her classes. How is she still in school? And why is Principal Figgins acting like she can still get into college?
- Helen Mirren returns as Becky's inner voice! At least I think that was Helen MIrren. Was that Helen Mirren?
- Puck crowning Becky the Anti-Prom Queen was really heartfelt, and I'm amazed with how fast Puck constructed those crowns out of beer cases. Maybe he has a future in sculpture?
- Wow. I almost forgot Rory was still in the New Directions. I mean, he's been in the background for the past five or six episodes, but at least they brought the Irishman out to sing a song originally sung by a British boy band.
- In honor of the late Maurice Sendak, I think I've found where the wild things are. They are hiding in Blaine's hair.
- As silly as the entire thing was, I really enjoyed seeing Blaine's puffy hair, sans gel. I love when the "Glee" writers can poke fun at themselves and the characters that they've neglected. Brittany had a brilliant line in tonight's episode about how she didn't speak for a couple of weeks, when yes, in reality Brittany didn't have any lines for a couple of episodes earlier this season.
- Thankfully, Mr. Schue was pretty much absent this episode. Thank you, Teen Jesus.
Becky: "Would you mind taking your loser talk to somewhere else? I don't want to catch your failure."
Brittany: "I've already been accepted at Purdue."
Principal Figgins: "The university?"
Brittany: "No, the chicken factory."
Brittany: "It's clear that the three of you, possible terrorists."
Brittany: "I was inspired by the new kid Joe, who reminds me of a cave man."
Sue: "Advertisers are alcoholics ... Haven't you seen 'Mad Men'?"
Blaine: "You've never seen my hair without gel! It's baby hair fine! I'm going to look like Medusa."
Kurt: "Had I known, I would've worn a full kilt."
Sue: "What are you looking at Jar Jar Binks?"
Quinn: "It's everything I've ever wanted, and I don't feel any different."
Follow Crystal Bell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/newyorkbell