THE BLOG
01/12/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Where Is The Love?

One Friday night, I was out with some of my girlfriends at a very nice restaurant. It was cocktail night for the girls. At the table were independent, career driven, single women in our 30's. We all have wonderful careers - attorney, doctor, motivational speaker, broadcast journalist, actress, web designer and architect. We love our careers and what we stand for as brilliant, beautiful young women. While flourishing in our careers, some of us are coming to the conclusion that we'd like a little more.

Some of the women at this table would like to be in a relationship. Not necessarily married at this time, but would like to have a great man to spend some time with. Some of us were discussing how the right man hasn't stepped forward because many don't want to be in a one-on-one relationship. They choose to be a little more care-free. Other women at the table were talking about how some men attract partners they could just have fun with, but never take home to mom. What's that about? Another comment made was that many women, who deal with that type of mentality from a man, really want more from the relationship. They think if they can just get in to the door with a man, they are then able to prove that they are better than just a fling and his level of respect for them might change. After talking to some of my male friends, they were quick to inform me that the thought process really doesn't change.

I know I have my standards. I know that I respect myself and I expect the man to be respectful of me as I would for him. After hearing Barack Obama's story, I know that he had to work hard to get Michelle to go out with him. As we can see, his courting process worked.

Times have definitely changed. It's all about "Getting what's mine." I mean, we can go online and pick a partner of choice before we even meet them in person. Are men losing respect for women as well as themselves? The same question goes to us women. Have both men and women forgotten that they are deserving of good partners in their lives? Are some of us creating false relations with partners the way it's being portrayed in TV soap operas or some music videos? How are people who want to be in a quality relationship get around those who only want to have fun? Is this a self-esteem issue? Do we as confident women just stand out for the men to notice? Do we take the bull by the horns and just tell them that we're interested? Is that being too forward?

Honestly, I think timing is everything. It's important for each of us to understand that we are all beautiful people inside and out. We are meant to love ourselves before we are really able to love and commit to others. It may sound mushy, but it's true. At that point in our lives, we're not demanding attention by the clothes we wear or the money we have. When we love ourselves unconditionally, we command attention. It's not forced. There is a lot of heartache out here. Many people don't understand the true meaning of love. Sometimes, we expect too much. Other times, we don't expect enough. It is understood that not everyone was meant to be in a relationship. Not every one wants to be in love. As humans, we all have wants and needs. Some may be more determined to find a way to fill that need more than others. At that point, does respect even enter the mind?

My girlfriends and I are going to continue our girls' night out. We're going to continue achieving great goals and we're going to continue appreciating ourselves. We've come to the conclusion that we're not going to push the issue. When the time is right, I guess it will just happen...