From my experience, there are certain laws that should be obvious, but obviously aren't. Now, these laws are not for your kiki-in-the-club acquaintances; they're for your give-a-kidney, ride-or-die friends. While they aren't universal or all encompassing, these laws will touch upon the important points for the general gay male population.
1. Tactful honesty.
You know that awkward moment when someone tells you that you have a booger hanging off your nose. Or even worse, you see it at the end of the day and no one's said anything? Sometimes you need things that are obvious to others drawn to your attention before you notice them yourself (or before you realize that other people notice them).
If something is wrong or concerns you about your friend, let them know. But tact is key. Phrases like, "I'm only saying because I'm concerned," or "You know this comes from a place of love," can help. A good friend receiving a tactful critique will wipe the booger off and thank you for not letting his crush see it. You should do the same.
2. Get your own man.
There are millions of boys available to you. Even if you don't live in a major metropolitan area, between all the social networking and webcam tools we have at our disposal, there will always be someone else to connect with one way or another. So when a friend likes or dates a boy, your friend's crush should essentially have a vagina in your eyes. Sure he's pretty, and he's more your type than your friend's, and your friend's cheating on him anyway. Doesn't matter. I promise you will find someone else if you turn all that energy spent pining after the boy who's off limits towards working on yourself.
Now, let's say your friend claims he's over his crush/boy and you're still stuck on him: check in with your friend. And I'm talking months later. Issues like this can break friendships apart, even if a friend says he's over it (but he's really just saving face). Resentment is never a good flavor for your friendship tea. And if you're not ready to talk to your good friend about him, you're not ready to date him. Or hook up with him.
3. Build good karma.
So, maybe all your friends are banker-douches on their way to joining the 1 percent. This law isn't for you. For the rest of us mortals, we're going to have friends who are at different points in their lives financially. If your situation/passion involves a stable income/lifestyle and you have a friend whose situation/passion doesn't, buy your friend a drink or dinner sometime.* Not all the time. But that $10-$25 every so often is next to nothing for you. But it's a huge relief when you're struggling.
It doesn't have to be a huge production, though. In fact, it shouldn't be: no one wants to feel like a charity case. Just a "don't worry about it" or an "I got this one" will suffice. Or if you're having dinner with a particularly proud Mary, excuse yourself to the bathroom and slip the waitress your card on the way back (your friend may catch you doing it on the way there). That way, it's already done, and there's no arguing.
Hell, why not do this for any friend occasionally!
*If this is completely out of your scope of friendship, one way to keep everyone included is to suggest free or low-cost activities to spend time together.
4. Be sincere.
We all know the sassy gay gets the laughs, and it can be tempting to throw a bit of shade all the time. But it's important get familiar with the off switch on the source of your sass and toss out a compliment every now and then. They're especially important from true friends who have nothing to gain from giving them. If you're an especially sarcastic soul, preface it with a "Real talk" or a "But for real though" or "All jokes aside." Even as a close friend, you never know exactly what a person's going through at that moment. Your comment might be just what he needs to get through the rest of the day.
5. Don't cock block. Ever.
You see how your friend is talking to the hot guy he just met? You see how you're also talking to your friend? That's a good time to take a bathroom break. Or grab another drink. Or step outside to
check Grindr make a phone call. I know you enjoy your friend's company, and your convo with the new acquaintance is intriguing. But your friend doesn't have a way of saying, "I talk to you every day. Beat it, dude!" in front of the new guy.
Not sure if you're that cock-blocking friend? Ask. "Hey, are you into this guy? Need me to step out for a bit?" Just make sure your friend's future trick doesn't hear. Texting can be hugely effective for this. And what's the worst that could happen if you're wrong: your friend thinks you think he's a slut. So now you're even.
Oh, and if you have a boyfriend who is not present, the chances of your cock-blocking are at least double. Seriously.
And there you have it. Five nifty laws to keep in mind with your friendships with adult gay males. Do you dis/agree? Did I leave one out? Leave a comment below.
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