If just one of the students who knew about 41-year-old James Hooker's relationship with a female student had come forward, the couple would not be living together now.
Hooker is the disgraced teacher who's making the rounds on all the morning news shows with his lover, claiming he's done nothing wrong by moving in with Jordan Powers -- who's 18 and just happens to be one of Hooker's former students.
But experts who study these inappropriate relationships say Hooker's attempts to justify his actions -- actions which are at the center of a police investigation in Modesto, Calif., after he quit his job as a business and computer teacher and left his family last week so he could move in with Powers -- is classic textbook behavior for child molesters.
"One of the most important things in his life... is to convince himself that he really is somebody who cares about children, and doesn't hurt them," Ken Lanning, a retired FBI profiler, said. Lanning has investigated thousands of child sex abuse cases and is considered one of the foremost criminal experts on this subject.
Lanning isn't alone. Psychologists who treat abused children and adults who once believed they loved their abuser, but who later realize such childhood experiences weren't mutually consensual, agree.
"They (abusers) rationalize that what they're doing is really to help the child. But unfortunately there's a huge negative impact and the victims end up believing them," Dr. Robert Geffner, founding president of the Family and Sexual Assault Institute, said.
What also happens in these cases is the adult perpetrator convinces himself "that she came on to me," Geffner added. He says this idea is "absurd to the rational mind."
Instead, what really happens is this: A child from a dysfunctional home or one with an absent parent seeks out an adult who will fill an emotional void.
"It's not unusual to have crushes (or to think you're in love), especially inexperienced girls or boys," Geffner said. What's really happening, though, is the child is seeking an "external replacement" for a parent, he added.
It's not uncommon for children to develop crushes on an adult authority figure, especially teachers. Perhaps that's what Powers' friends thought was happening, since earlier reports indicate students at Enochs High School knew about the couple's inappropriate relationship.
Police are looking into that since Powers was then a minor, but experts say something else is crucial to minimizing the harm done in such relationships. "Usually someone else knows. Don't keep it a secret," Geffner said.
The secret's out now: Hooker freely admits this relationship developed through spending time together during and after school, as well as through phone calls and text messages.
Because of that, Lanning says cases like these -- where the victim is complicit and willingly goes along with the adult abuser, even seeming to enjoy it -- are among the most difficult for people to understand.
"Hardly anybody understands it," Lanning said, adding that people can't seem to grasp that it's abuse whether a child enjoys the attention or not, and even when a child willingly returns to the abuser, for more abuse, again and again.
"Does it mean the child wasn't molested? Absolutely not," Lanning added. "Similar dynamics take place in these cases and they're dynamics that hardly anybody understands, including, in some cases, investigators."
What will probably happen in this relationship is what happens in most others like them: Powers will try to end it when she realizes it isn't about love at all. It's about power and control.
"Many of those relationships, if not almost all of them, end at some point or another because it's... a fantasy world," Geffner said.
That's when "reality starts setting in, and some of these other ingredients start showing up. When you have power and control issues... at the time the breakup does occur and the child, adolescent or young adult begins to realize it really wasn't... love," Geffner added.
This usually happens during the "early 20s... when a lot of the psychological aspects of the abuse kick in," Geffner said. "Most of these relationships don't go beyond a relatively short term."
As this story and others like it continue to play out on in the headlines and on TV screens across America, Geffner said having "much more open communication between parents and children" can help stop these relationships, as can "much more public awareness of what is and is not an appropriate relationship."
Lanning agrees, but he has two rules he provides parents to help them lessen the chance their child will end up as a victim. "Beware of anybody who wants to spend more time with your kids than you do," is his first rule.
"I'm not suggesting that people who want to help kids and reach out to kids are probably a bunch of perverts... but it doesn't mean they're not," Lanning said. "Just be suspicious" and don't take their motives for granted, he added.
Lanning's second rule is this: Be involved in your child's life. Talk to them, communicate with them... Start when they're little, because by the time they're 14 or 15, it's too late," Lanning said.
This means if your teenage daughter closets herself in her bedroom, don't just think "that's puberty." Find out why she's doing that. "Let her know you're concerned," Lanning said. If your teenage son tells you he's downloaded porn from the Internet and is now getting all these weird emails from people, don't react by screaming or punishing him, he added, because that will only close the door to any open communication.
While parents dream of protecting their children from predators, because some molesters are very skillful, Lanning said that may not be possible. But what is possible -- by fostering open communication in the home and at school -- is to minimize the harm that's done.
"Then you'll find out after one or two times (of abuse), not after three years," Lanning said.
Daleen Berry will be speaking about these issues at Las Positas College in Livermore, Calif., on March 12 and 13.
Follow Daleen Berry on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DaleenBerry
On one hand, if 18 year olds who commit murder are fit to be executed, why then should I look at this 18 year old as a child and not someone capable of making her own decisions. If I Iook at the facts in this case then she is just another homewrecker like any other person and very selfish at that because in an interview she stated she knew that people would be hurt but she didnt care.
On the other hand, if she was being seduced and chased as a minor since she was 14, then I would have to conclude that this guy is a sexual predator and that she is indeed a victim.
Despite the fact that he is an adult and his behaviour is disgusting and inappropriate, I think she knew that what she was engaging in was wrong and I cannot feel sorry for her now. Hopefully she matures and gets out of this mess before it ruins her.
This could go to show the level of skill predators have, and the power and control they wield over their victims, or it could show that she's immune to the suffering of other people, too. I wonder about this a lot, really, and don't know enough about the case to form even an educated guess.
And your question about teens being tried as adults, versus those who are viewed as victims, like Jordan, is a great one for all of us to think about. (See my other article for a more indepth comment about this.)
I had (and still have) a very poor relationship with my father, and now (12 years after the relationship) I can look back and see how that drove me even further into a relationship with someone much older than myself.
The bottom line, unfortunately, is that unless someone can come up with some solid proof, nothing will happen. She is 18 now, and can legally make her own decisions. And I highly doubt they will get any proof from her. She *will* protect him. To her, it isn't and wasn't abuse, and no one will be able to convince her of that. I know, I protected my seducer the whole time. Even through a one-on-one interview with an FBI agent, I protected him. It was never abuse to me. Even now, I find it very difficult to see it as abuse.
It's far too true that perpetrators are often those we think we can trust.
I have my own stories of men who I thought I could go to as a mentor and instead they took it as open season on a vulnerable young woman.
One memory is frightening more now because I know I was not the only victim of this one teacher. For me it was not as serious as it could have been because somehow, as someone who'd seen a rape, I was so very frightened, I screamed and cried. He backed off and let me go. I only realized much later the possible danger I'd been in as I'd allowed this teacher to give me a "ride" home. This ride turned into a detour into the hills among the tall, secluded trees. SO glad I screamed enough that he couldn't get me home fast enough. I was 15.
The next week, a school mate was going out of the teacher's parking lot in that same passenger seat. I was a coward and it took me all these years to finally report it only about 6 months ago. :(
It still hurts in the gut to think that others may not have gotten away from this teacher as I did.
Don't quote me on that because I'm not sure who made the mistake. I saw it corrected just yesterday so going to see if I can find that link.
This article was excellent in pointing out this is happening in today's society (it's been happening for a lot longer than that) but also things we, as parents, can do to prevent a tragedy happening to our own children. Well said, Daleen!
We really must teach our children to protect themselves; that they cannot trust someone just because they are in a position that should be trustworthy. As parents and family members, we must be far more aware and in tune with them.
Even if it was consensual, she was a minor at the time and this is not acceptable to me or anyone who has some sense in them.I also believe that many young girls from dysfunctional families look for the attention and the love missing at home and end up getting themselves in relationships with older men in quest for the fatherly affection that they so much yearn for.
I was one of them at age 15 coming from a very dysfunctional family and victim of child abuse and sexual abuse was involved with a man 18 years older than I. A man who was my mentor, my teacher, knew how to manipulate my mind and took advantage of the void and brokenness I had within.
I am deeply sadden that this behavior is being fomented and many people condole this man's actions. This is really a warning sign for parents to open their eyes and see that we are surrounded by undercover child molesters.
Parents open your eyes and have a good relationship with your children this way they will not have a void to fill and there will be no chance for these undercover child molesters to prey, manipulate and sexually abuse on our children. This is an unacceptable and shameless action.
Thanks for catching this; I passed it on to the editors.
Relationships are truly two people coming together who have common interests, common goals, common family values, etc. with enough differences to keep it interesting! Relationships are what you make them, and it doesn't matter how old either party is, in my own opinion.
Looking at Anna Nicole and the oil millionaire, well, I often wondered what they had in common, but who am I to judge them? We all have soul-mates, and I truly believe the man upstairs is the one who knows what and/or who is best suited for us...as long as two people enjoy one another, who are we to judge? Age is just a number... (credit to HumanLawnDart)
I am not real big on stats - however there are plenty of long term marriages with an age difference of up to 25 years - where they are happy and healthy and celebrating many of anniversary. Keep in mind - not everyone has ulterior motives - and no one should judge.
Moderns. So full of psychobabble and limited vision.
I don't expect this to register with most of you "moderns," brought up in a culture of victimization and pop psychology. Tell me, please, the average survival rate of many "modern" marriages?